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Why does an invitation to spend an evening together need a big "sit down"? Can't you just say "hey, what do you want to do tonight? I was thinking we could grill and watch a movie?
Because he puts his wife on a pedestal and walks on eggshells around her. He does not seem to think he is "in her league."
Do I dare ask her out to dinner tonight? nowhere pricy, no gifts, just a nice quiet dinner( My own little celebration of the fact that we've made progress)
Very nice night. Dinner was romantic and the movie was ehh( it was a chick flick) but overall a good night. She wants to make breakfast for me tomorrow. The " progress" was getting to open up about her pregnancy memories and sadness.
I guess celebrate was poor word choice but I feel that the communication is improving
Ok, that's fine to feel. But your wife obviously got the cue from you that this dinner out was a big deal occasion (you being "nervous" to ask, her getting 3 hours to get ready). Honestly, you guys still have a huge hurdle to overcome that making this event a big deal is premature. Its like now you're trying to train her that she would be rewarded for any time she reveals something to you.
(her getting 3 hours to get ready). Its like now you're trying to train her that she would be rewarded for any time she reveals something to you.
3 hrs was kind of a exaggeration, it was maybe 2, but she's a girly girl and she's always taken forever to get ready for anything. I don't think there's any training its just that I got her to open up to me, that's huge( kind of sad that it's huge, but it is)
3 hrs was kind of a exaggeration, it was maybe 2, but she's a girly girl and she's always taken forever to get ready for anything. I don't think there's any training its just that I got her to open up to me, that's huge( kind of sad that it's huge, but it is)
Maybe 2 steps forward and only 1 step back. We'll see.
3 hrs was kind of a exaggeration, it was maybe 2, but she's a girly girl and she's always taken forever to get ready for anything. I don't think there's any training its just that I got her to open up to me, that's huge( kind of sad that it's huge, but it is)
You don't know it's training because YOUR intentions are [insert your goal here], but what you can't see now are any unintended consequences of your actions.
It's like you're using a pattern she's familiar with (complete "difficult" task = "nice dinner") to try to make progress in your relationship. But the unintended consequence is that she stays in her rut of expecting rewards for doing stuff she may not want to do, stuff that is supposed to be expected in a marriage.
Being open and FEARLESSLY, confidently honest with your spouse, not brutally mean but not walking on eggshells, is supposed the be the standard in a healthy marriage. It should be like this ALL the time, not a special occasion.
SO don't make it a special occasion every time she opens up. Don't get me wrong; it's GREAT that you two have done this. But make it part of everyday life. Show her that you expect it, and that you will get it in return.
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