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My wife and my son aren't speaking to each other. From what I've gathered, he asked her about community colleges in the area for fall and she tried to persuade him to reconsider and that she never got a college education and she turned out fine. He reminded her that she didn't go because she was raising a son. He also told her that he'd like to get a job of some kind and wanted to know if anyone she knew was hiring. She told him that there would be plenty of time to work later in life and reminded him that she didn't work until she was 21. He told her again it was because she was raising a child. He called her " lazy" in that "dad went to school and worked". She obviously took offense and told him to " watch his attitude" and he started yelling about her not being able to punish him because he was an adult. She pulled the "my house, my rules" argument before crying and locking herself in her room. I got home and he told me the story. I told him " Look, I don't really care about the argument, the point is is that you made your mom cry, so go apologize. She does a lot for you and how often do you thank her?" He is refusing to apologize until she goes first.I asked her to unlock the door and hoped that he would go in there and do it, but he just stared at her and left. As I've said before, he is 99% her and once she makes up her mind, it's set and he's the same way so I don't see this ending soon.
Last edited by irishfan77; 06-12-2013 at 04:30 PM..
My wife and my son aren't speaking to each other. From what I've gathered, he asked her about community colleges in the area for fall and she tried to persuade him to reconsider and that she never got a college education and she turned out fine. He reminded her that she didn't go because she was raising a son. He also told her that he'd like to get a job of some kind and wanted to know if anyone she knew was hiring. She told him that there would be plenty of time to work later in life and reminded him that she didn't work until she was 21. He told her again it was because she was raising a child. He called her " lazy" in that "dad went to school and worked". She obviously took offense and told him to " watch his attitude" and he started yelling about her not being able to punish him because he was an adult. She pulled the "my house, my rules" argument before crying and locking herself in her room. I got home and he told me the story. I told him " Look, I don't really care about the argument, the point is is that you made your mom cry, so go apologize. She does a lot for you and how often do you thank her?" He is refusing to apologize until she goes first.I asked her to unlock the door and hoped that he would go in there and do it, but he just stared at her and left. As I've said before, he is 99% her and once she makes up her mind, it's set and he's the same way so I don't see this ending soon.
"He MADE her cry..."?
Um, no.
He should not call her names like "lazy." That is way out of line.
But you can't force him to apologize for doing something he is SUPPOSED to do: stretch his boundaries and GROW UP.
Here's the other thing: He is NOT 99% her. He is 100% him. You both need to allow him to be that.
Right now you are teaching him to bow and scrape and walk on eggshells, just like YOU do.
If I were there, I'd take HIM out for a steak dinner.
Irishdfan- your wife has never progressed beyond the age of 13-14. She behaves like a child. If you say
" boo" to her, disagree with her, etc. she has a hissy fit, starts to cry and runs her room, slams the door and locks herself in. It's what a poorly behaved teenage girl does.
You do realize that grown women do not behave like this. Adults do not lock themselves in their rooms, sobbing over this stuff. Time for you to learn to take the door off its hinges whenever she does this and tell her to stop the nonsense.
Don't try train your son to do what you do. Because the scenario goes that someone now has to apologize to her, then take her dinner, and buy her a gift, etc. That's what you have done all the years of your marriage. Your wife and son are equally at fault here, let them work it out on their own. They are two adults.
Your wife does not love your son, she is not acting in his best interest. He is trying to take steps toward adulthood and she is doing everything she can to thwart him. Instead she is acting in her interests.
Perhaps she feels threatened by him going to college and progressing academically beyond her. Perhaps she wants him to stay a child forever because her identity is caught up in being " mommy." Whatever, it is not a healthy way to deal with a young man. She is not being supportive of him.
Too bad you son does not want a four year degree, because the best thing for him is to get away from your house and live in a dorm at college.
This topic of her refusing to see your son as adult is something for you bring up in your next family counseling session with your son there. He needs to learn his mom is not going to be there for him, she will never support his attempts at adulthood.
My wife and my son aren't speaking to each other. From what I've gathered, he asked her about community colleges in the area for fall and she tried to persuade him to reconsider and that she never got a college education and she turned out fine. He reminded her that she didn't go because she was raising a son. He also told her that he'd like to get a job of some kind and wanted to know if anyone she knew was hiring. She told him that there would be plenty of time to work later in life and reminded him that she didn't work until she was 21. He told her again it was because she was raising a child. He called her " lazy" in that "dad went to school and worked". She obviously took offense and told him to " watch his attitude" and he started yelling about her not being able to punish him because he was an adult. She pulled the "my house, my rules" argument before crying and locking herself in her room. I got home and he told me the story. I told him " Look, I don't really care about the argument, the point is is that you made your mom cry, so go apologize. She does a lot for you and how often do you thank her?" He is refusing to apologize until she goes first. As I've said before, he is 99% her and once she makes up her mind, it's set and he's the same way so I don't see this ending soon
Wow. Unbelievable that a mother acts this way towards her 18 yr old son. It's plain ridiculous. I hate to say this but I think your son needs to leave his mother out of the equation when discussing his future plans. She clearly doesn't have the capability to have his best interests in mind when advising him on things.
Well, of course she turned out fine, she's got herself set with a Sugar Daddy. The odds of your son getting himself a Sugar Momma is pretty nil. She's got a severe disconnect going on with that line of reasoning.
If I recall correctly, your son said to you that he's never felt that he could rely on his mother for anything serious-- and she's proven him correct yet again. When he asked her to use her connections, she should not have infantilized him. I hope you've told your wife that she owes him an apology as well. This is their argument, do not take sides and stay out of it.
Can I force him to apologize for what he said to her?
No. Leave them alone!! Let them work it out.
He stood up to her when she was trying to hold him back just because she didn't want him to do it. Don't you see the parallels here?
He's 18. Your first thread was a long complaint about how he is not motivated to do anything. Just be glad he's showing some backbone here, and take a cue from him.
Let her feelings be hurt. She'll be fine.
I'm telling you...this woman you married may have had a hard time in her teens, but that was a long time ago. Now she is showing some narcissistic tendencies, and this kind of resistance and backlash is textbook.
There are 2 yr schools out there that have on campus housing. That would be great for your son. Have you looked into them?
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