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The marriage counselor wasn't very happy when I told her about the recent events and told me that, for there to be any improvement, she needs to show up for sessions. I took your guys' advice and talked to him about moving out. I told him it wasn't because of anything he's done wrong( obviously) but because of the marital situation. I offered to pay for the apartment and all the other stuff. I apologized to him for not being the best father and for not sticking up for him. I told him that if and when things improve, I'll move him back in if he wants to.
He doesn't want to move out though. I told him that I would love to sit down and look at schools and visit schools. He brought up his mom and how hurtful her comments were and again I apologized for not sticking up for him immediately. She still isn't talking to him. While I was at therapy, he offered to make her breakfast( a bowl of cereal. Remember his cooking skills are minimal) but she ignored him. When I got home and finally found some free time to research schools with him, his mom passed through the room, he tried to get her to sit down and help us research schools and told her that he really wanted her input, but she kept walking. Dinner was awkward. I had to set his place for him again after it " slipped her mind". He came and started eating, On the bright side, she didn't say anything mean to him, yet, on the other hand, she didn't speak to him at all, even when he complimented the meal. Thankfully, his GF came over soon after dinner and my wife went from moody to happy when she walked in.
Wow. Moderator Cut Doesn't her behavior make you mad and p*ss you off?
Last edited by Jaded; 06-15-2013 at 01:43 AM..
Reason: Flaming
I took your guys' advice and talked to him about moving out. I told him it wasn't because of anything he's done wrong( obviously) but because of the marital situation. I offered to pay for the apartment and all the other stuff. I apologized to him for not being the best father and for not sticking up for him. I told him that if and when things improve, I'll move him back in if he wants to.
This part makes me ... nervous.
Do you think he hears this as, "You caused this marital situation"?
I'm concerned he may read it as, "We need to get you out of the house in order to fix our marriage." I guess I think it would be better to frame his move out as the natural next step in his life, not in the context of your marriage.
Do you think he hears this as, "You caused this marital situation"?
I'm concerned he may read it as, "We need to get you out of the house in order to fix our marriage." I guess I think it would be better to frame his move out as the natural next step in his life, not in the context of your marriage.
At least he told you he didn't want to go.
I was thinking the same thing. Mom irrationally says she's "done" and now dad is facilitating his move. It doesn't come across very well.
Do you think he hears this as, "You caused this marital situation"?
I'm concerned he may read it as, "We need to get you out of the house in order to fix our marriage." I guess I think it would be better to frame his move out as the natural next step in his life, not in the context of your marriage.
At least he told you he didn't want to go.
Moderator Cut
So, do you intend to discuss this with your therapist?
Moderator Cut
Last edited by Jaded; 06-15-2013 at 01:50 AM..
Reason: Language and personal attacks
One of the previous poster nailed it when she called it (emotional) abuse. Its going to take a long while for the OP to find his footing, especially since he's still... hopeful that this marriage can be rectified. Most abuse victims take a long time to come to terms with their experiences and you see that with the OP, it's just ... very klutzy and uncertain as he's trying to make that very necessary change.
As for his wife, I think he needs to leave her as well. But as long as he's still in love with his wife's facade of loving sweetness, he's going to be willing to overlook and make excuses for his wife's true nature. I for one can't get this "slipped her mind" business... What is he trying to say with that?
I've read this entire thread in one sitting. I've never seen such a dysfunctional family. OP you do not respect her--you fear her and it's a shame you haven't figured out the difference.
This kid sounds like the most mature one in the family. You say you were basically absent his first 6 years while you were in college. You are still absent. Why he isn't on the street corner with a needle up his arm is a big surprise to me.
you need to get a 2 bedroom apartment for you and your son and just move out and you and your son start a new life without you. Never have you mentioned money being of any concern so it sounds like you could manage it.
No need in all 3 of you dying a slow miserable death. At least you and your son might have a chance at happiness. Your wife is beyond help. Yes she is stuck developmentally at about age 12 and I doubt she can recover. Cut your losses while you still are young. You have a chance to grow yourself and possibly take your life in a whole different direction. But stay in therapy to figure out why you have allowed yourself to stay in such a miserable marriage. And find a good lawyer now before she beats you to it.
Stick a fork in it..this marriage is done. Most marriages (should) start off with two adults and troubles come along with kids, illness, career challenges, in-laws, etc. But this marriage started off on the wrong foot from the get go. A perfect example of why kids should not be having kids.
You say you are diabetic. Surely by now you know stress is causing you a great deal of harm. How are you coping with this?I'm sure your health has been compromised. But you have time to recover.
Seems to me you are staying in this mess out of some warped sense of obligation and not love. Your son is now 18. Your wife deserves a chance to grow up herself and I don't think she will even contemplate it with you in the picture. Why should she- you are an enabler in the worse sense of the word.
I think he read it the way I was saying it. I don't want him exposed to the disfunction going on right now and in order for him to not be exposed, he needs to be out of the house. I'm fully prepared to pay for everything involved in his moving out and anything apartment related. And I'm starting to consider leaving myself
Last edited by Jaded; 06-15-2013 at 01:54 AM..
Reason: Removed deleted post
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