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Old 07-02-2013, 05:57 PM
 
Location: Dallas
5,467 posts, read 4,609,413 times
Reputation: 15599

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Any mother who tells her child that education is a "waste" and "dumb" should be ashamed of herself. The fact that she is trying to discourage him from positive mature goals and encouraging behavior that will keep him immature and cripple him in the long run just so she can keep him "her little boy" is really sad.

Glad to hear he is not listening to her advice and wants to go ahead with his CC plans. You are doing the right thing for your son by encouraging him both by advice and your own example.

 
Old 07-02-2013, 06:51 PM
 
Location: here
24,483 posts, read 28,851,362 times
Reputation: 31077
I can somewhat understand her being sad that her "baby" is growing up and her uncertainty about her future. However, the fact that she is acting on it - actively discouraging college - is totally unacceptable. She can't change the fact that he is 18 and he is out of HS. Time will not stand still because she wants it to. The fact that she is sabotaging his future for her own selfish emotions is disgusting.
 
Old 07-02-2013, 09:30 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,437 posts, read 41,829,668 times
Reputation: 47043
I think she is threatened by his desire to go to college and she is doing everything she can to dissuade him. She probably thinks she will be really left behind in so many ways (socially, educationally, financially) when her only child gets more education that she has. Sounds to me like nothing abut her has changed, not her attitude or her actions and OP is blind to her manipulative ways. Nothing to celebrate here.
 
Old 07-02-2013, 09:41 PM
 
Location: here
24,483 posts, read 28,851,362 times
Reputation: 31077
It is also possible that she is fixated on this time of his life being for "fun" because that time in her life wasn't. She had grown up responsibilities at 18. It is a really warped view of reality. I'm not trying to make excuses for her, I'm just trying to figure out how a parent could do what she is doing. As we've said a hundred times, therapy could really help with this.
 
Old 07-02-2013, 09:46 PM
 
Location: Australia
8,013 posts, read 2,722,900 times
Reputation: 38459
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
It is also possible that she is fixated on this time of his life being for "fun" because that time in her life wasn't. She had grown up responsibilities at 18. It is a really warped view of reality. I'm not trying to make excuses for her, I'm just trying to figure out how a parent could do what she is doing. As we've said a hundred times, therapy could really help with this.
I think Kibbie has hit the nail on the head here.
 
Old 07-02-2013, 09:47 PM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 720,154 times
Reputation: 338
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
She probably thinks she will be really left behind in so many ways (socially, educationally, financially) when her only child gets more education that she has.
What do you mean by that? I understand the educational aspect, but not the others. I agree with kat. I, looking back on the situation, see a lot of the teenage her. She ALWAYS chose fun over work, there was never any balance, that was part of the adventure of being her boyfriend, she was really fun. It's kind of a Peter Pan, never want to grow up, mindset. It's almost like its the 18 year old her dressed up as a 36 year old.

Last edited by irishfan77; 07-02-2013 at 09:58 PM..
 
Old 07-03-2013, 05:48 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,437 posts, read 41,829,668 times
Reputation: 47043
I've seen some parents feel resentful that their kids are given more opportunities than they had. If she didn't have a chance to go to college she might be resentful that her only child will soon be living in a dorm, making friends and having that college experience she did not have. His education will give him opportunities she did not have socially , educationally and soon he will be financially independent, something she definitely is not.

I hope I have explained it to you well.

Years ago I knew a man who, despite being extremely wealthy, refused to give his high school junior daughter money necessary to take placement tests and apply for scholarships. his reasoning was "I did it all on only a high school education, so can she". He realized he was jealous and felt threatened his child would soon surpass his education and social standing by being better educated.
The girl joined the military the day she graduated HS and eventually got her degree on GI Bill and went on to get a Masters in History is now teaching college history courses. While her Dad is proud, it is still obvious he resents her accomplishments and it seemed like he did everything possible by sabotaging her education goals along the way.
 
Old 07-03-2013, 07:20 AM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
5,890 posts, read 7,147,118 times
Reputation: 14149
Not my house, not my rules, but I find it disrespectful to YOU that your wife is serving alcoholic drinks to your son and his GF when you have previously grounded him for drinking.

You do realize she is setting both of you up for a financial disaster by serving alcohol to an underage drinker? In most states if the GF drives off and gets in an accident YOU (or your wife) can be sued for that. Don't make the excuse that the GF will stay overnight. Stuff happens--BF's and GF's get in fights and GF's storm off. (think about your wife and the bedroom) What you choose to allow your own child to do is your business. It's completely irresponsible to supply another person's child with alcohol. If I found out another parent was supplying my kid with alcohol I would be furious. That girl has parents.

FYI--I'm not a teatotaler and don't expect my children to be. I'm a realist and know that my children have had alcohol before they reached the age of 21. That doesn't mean I need to condone it or supply it. My spouse allowed our 18 year old son some champagne one time. Before he did so, he asked me if it was okay. The occasion was our D's college graduation. He was graduating from high school a few weeks later. They both were traveling to Europe a few weeks later and would both be able to enjoy beer or wine legally there. BIG DIFFERENCE.

Just another "fine" example of your wife's immaturity.

Why isn't CC discussed in family therapy?
 
Old 07-03-2013, 09:56 AM
 
Location: the Chicago suburbs
818 posts, read 720,154 times
Reputation: 338
I made sure to lock up my hard stuff. I'm proud of him and his GF. They each had 1 drink and were done. My wife, on the other hand, got wasted and started up " please don't do community college, at least not now, these years are so short, you're only 18 once, now is your time to goof off, party, and get away with it. When I was 18 and pregnant, not even you could slow me down, sure I abstained from booze, but I went to parties and concerts, you saw a Biggie concert and a Nirvana concert before you were born. The first thing I did, the night after you were born was a girls night out. I dropped you off at Grandma's house and had a great time. I love you and your father." It was uncomfortable to say the least.
 
Old 07-03-2013, 10:02 AM
 
908 posts, read 818,563 times
Reputation: 1527
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishfan77 View Post
I made sure to lock up my hard stuff. I'm proud of him and his GF. They each had 1 drink and were done. My wife, on the other hand, got wasted and started up " please don't do community college, at least not now, these years are so short, you're only 18 once, now is your time to goof off, party, and get away with it. When I was 18 and pregnant, not even you could slow me down, sure I abstained from booze, but I went to parties and concerts, you saw a Biggie concert and a Nirvana concert before you were born. The first thing I did, the night after you were born was a girls night out. I dropped you off at Grandma's house and had a great time. I love you and your father." It was uncomfortable to say the least.

These accounts of her behavior really give me the creeps as a mother. I know I'm repeating myself, but I feel so bad for your son, and at the same time, proud of him for trying to be responsible and grow up. Is he continuing therapy also?
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