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Old 05-06-2013, 01:19 PM
 
Location: San Marcos, TX
2,572 posts, read 6,260,665 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gettingouttahere View Post
I smoked from age 12 to age 48. I'm 49 and have been smoke-free for 18 months now with e-cigarettes. Still nicotine, granted, but no more tar, C02, thousands of chemicals. I can take a deep breath and not cough, and my smell and taste are back. Not to mention, it's lots cheaper.

Nothing else worked for me - I tried hypnosis, Chantix (don't. Just don't.), cold-turkey, tapering off, Nicorette, nicotrol, antidepressants -- you name it. Nothing else ever worked.

Maybe he can explore e-cigs once he starts trying to quit. (Which probably won't be for a few years, once the hip factor wears off and he realizes he's addicted).

Good luck. It's a life-sucking habit.
My son quit through using e-cigs and also just because he couldn't afford smoking. Thank goodness. He smoked for about a year, from age 19 to age 20. When he had an income drop due to a job cutting hours, he got sick of it taking all his money.
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Old 05-06-2013, 01:38 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
15,229 posts, read 23,749,578 times
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What i find amazing is my neice and nephew are 20 and 22, and they both started smoking, but at 12 dollars a pack, here in NY, which is why they are as expensive is to detract young people from smoking. obviously it isn't working.
Both have menial jobs, and this is what they want to spend their money on. i am completely deumbfounded by that, at least back in my day they were dollar.....


i am fortunate that i have 3 sons and they are not smokers, not saying that they have never tired it or even did for a bit, but to the best of my knowledge they are not, even though they are well above 20.....they are allowed to make their own choices....


dont ya just wish they were never invented. i have to say i think smoking is one of the most repulsivest things a human could possibly want to do.
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Old 05-06-2013, 01:47 PM
 
Location: Chicago area
1,105 posts, read 2,736,749 times
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Do you know how long he's been smoking and how often he smokes? If he hasn't smoked very long or doesn't smoke regularly he may not be dependent on nicotine yet which would make quitting a lot easier.

How about this; Ask him where he stands as far as smoking goes. Does he want to quit? What are his plans? If he doesn't want to quit encourage him to keep smoking to certain situations only, like when he goes out with his friends. If he likes smoking, which he probably does or he wouldn't do it, make him understand that although it's best to quit it doesn't have to be all or nothing. The health risks of social smoking only are far less than those of daily smoking. It's the lesser of two evils and unfortunately they may be your only options.
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Old 05-06-2013, 01:54 PM
 
2,612 posts, read 4,587,648 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikesmom View Post
If there is one thing I never thought my kid would do, it was smoke cigarettes. The education, bans on smoking, cost, everything about it! But now I think he is hooked. It kills me to see him play Russian Roulette with his health by smoking but what can I do other than remind him of the consequences? He does not smoke at home or in our cars, but so what. I don't want something terrible to happen to him in the future because of this stupid habit. Has anyone here faced this with their over 18 year olds and is it possible to get through to them at this age? P.S. No one in both of our families has ever smoked, but many of his friends do. He always thought it was a disgusting habit until he turned 18 and new friends smoked.
There is nothing you can do. I teach in a college where many kids smoke during breaks and between classes. Most wouldn't do it at all except they want to hang around looking cool with the other kids. If my kid were in college and smoking I'd lobby the college to ban smoking on campus. Many have already. If it's someplace else then there is nothing you can do other than forbid him to smoke in the house or car. These kids think they are being so rebellious by smoking, but all they are doing is supporting a bunch of giant ultra conservative tobacco companies.
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Old 05-06-2013, 02:09 PM
 
Location: Kansas
19,189 posts, read 14,062,995 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikesmom View Post
We don't support our 20 year old child financially. He works.

I'm hoping when he starts to pay for his own place next month, he will realize just how much the cost of cigarettes adds up, but then again, being in a college town may make it worse. Why are kids so foolish?
So, he was living at home and not paying for room and board? I'm guessing he just gave in to peer pressure and that would be my biggest concern, that he will do something to fit in that maybe he would not have normally done.
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Old 05-06-2013, 04:00 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,571 posts, read 21,748,544 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikesmom View Post
If there is one thing I never thought my kid would do, it was smoke cigarettes. The education, bans on smoking, cost, everything about it! But now I think he is hooked. It kills me to see him play Russian Roulette with his health by smoking but what can I do other than remind him of the consequences? He does not smoke at home or in our cars, but so what. I don't want something terrible to happen to him in the future because of this stupid habit. Has anyone here faced this with their over 18 year olds and is it possible to get through to them at this age? P.S. No one in both of our families has ever smoked, but many of his friends do. He always thought it was a disgusting habit until he turned 18 and new friends smoked.
I agree with you and I'd be equally surprised and upset if one of my kids took up smoking. No one in our family smokes. Everyone gave it up in the 60s when the surgeon general's report was issued.

However, my niece began to smoke as a senior in high school. I don't think my sister disapproved as strenuously as I would have. Now she is in her 20s and still smoking.

Honestly, there isn't much you can do because he is financially independent. You do not need to let him smoke in your home, but if you preach to much, it could create a rift. And it could backfire.
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Old 05-06-2013, 04:08 PM
 
133 posts, read 167,222 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marie5v View Post
There is nothing you can do. I teach in a college where many kids smoke during breaks and between classes. Most wouldn't do it at all except they want to hang around looking cool with the other kids. If my kid were in college and smoking I'd lobby the college to ban smoking on campus. Many have already. If it's someplace else then there is nothing you can do other than forbid him to smoke in the house or car. These kids think they are being so rebellious by smoking, but all they are doing is supporting a bunch of giant ultra conservative tobacco companies.
"

This is how he started. Between classes. Use to pick him up and he would just reek. Said it was the kids around him that smoke Now I know. So gross. Even if he doesn't smoke in my car which is forbidden, just sitting in my car after smoking elsewhere smells it up. He bought a hanging car deodorizer to help and keeps all the windows open but it doesn't help. He pretty much has stopped asking to use my car now, thank god because I am very particular about how he uses it. He'll be gone soon, so it will no longer be in my face. I wonder what will be the next vice?
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Old 05-06-2013, 04:13 PM
 
133 posts, read 167,222 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I agree with you and I'd be equally surprised and upset if one of my kids took up smoking. No one in our family smokes. Everyone gave it up in the 60s when the surgeon general's report was issued.

However, my niece began to smoke as a senior in high school. I don't think my sister disapproved as strenuously as I would have. Now she is in her 20s and still smoking.

Honestly, there isn't much you can do because he is financially independent. You do not need to let him smoke in your home, but if you preach to much, it could create a rift. And it could backfire.

It's been a hard lesson for me to learn, but I finally get that nothing I say will change his behavior or habits. The more I lecture, the more he will do the opposite of whatever I lecture about. He is a very anxious kid and stressed so I think the smoking helps him cope even though I would think it would wire him even more. I will keep my mouth shut. He knows how much I worry and love him and want the best for him and he knows the risks of what he is doing too.
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Old 05-06-2013, 11:05 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,711,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikesmom View Post
We don't support our 20 year old child financially. He works.

I'm hoping when he starts to pay for his own place next month, he will realize just how much the cost of cigarettes adds up, but then again, being in a college town may make it worse. Why are kids so foolish?
He very well may decide it's too expensive a habit.

Going to live in a college town might make it better, he'll be around different people and very possibly new friends who are less inclined to smoke.

A lot of kids will experiment with smoking, they can start becoming addicted but still decide it's not worth the money, smell, and everything else and give it up -- he's only 20, kicking a 2 year habit is easier than kicking a 20 or 30 year habit. Sometimes they find out that a girl they like hates the smell of smoke, doesn't like kissing a guy who smokes and they'll give up their habit.

You really can't do anything if he's on his own financially.
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Old 05-07-2013, 09:13 AM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,366,635 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I'm sorry, I know this must be very disappointing and worrisome for you.

And the folks who try to claim a 20 year old is "all grown" or "a man" make me roll my eyes - see -

While SOME 20 year olds are more mature than others, and yes, they have the right to vote and can serve in the military so they do have what we call a "legal majority", the scientific research tells us 20 year old boys are far from "all grown up".

Most young men do not finish maturing until closer to age 25.

Until that time, some of them can make really bad choices with far reaching consequences simply because the part of their brain that controls the highest forms of reasoning are not fully developed.

This is why so many young men in that age group engage in very risky behaviors, many losing their lives in the process.

Anyone stupid enough to think you can just drop an 18 year old off into the world without any further guidance or mentoring because they are now "all grown up" is being at best naive and at worst a negligent parent.

But here's the thing...it is not appropriate to try to parent a 20 year old either. They are not children any more. A wise parent does their best to mentor regularly at this age.

So, while you are upset (rightfully so) about his new smoking habit, you cannot tell him what to do or force him to stop.

What you can do is speak to him respectfully - calmly and work to get him to realize he's making a poor choice based on the widely accepted scientific evidence. Try to focus on THAT, while reminding him that this is such a hard habit to break, so painful to some, that doing it sooner rather than later is so much easier. Also be sure to include the costs of this habit, showing him on paper how in a months time he could be spending as much as a car note. Encourage him to think about all the other things he could do with that money.

In addition, I think it's fine to let him know you are disappointed in him - not to guilt trip him, but to express your own feelings honestly. Ask him how he would feel if someone he loved was doing something everyone knows is a bad thing - wouldn't he want to try to save them from their risky choice? Try to use a real world example of someone he loves doing something you know would horrify him.

Best of luck -
It's so interesting to me that during the time of the Depression, and even up until WWII, men were men at 18 . . .people worked on farms, there was no molly-coddling - if men's brains weren't developed, I guess they faked it? They appeared to be mature.

It's also interesting that when the life span was shorter, people were more mature earlier.


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