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Old 05-10-2013, 10:39 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,282,567 times
Reputation: 39688

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ferretkona View Post
I think most rational people realize telling a teenager they can not date someone means the teenager will try to see the other even more so in spite.
This seems to be a recipe for the young woman to come home and tell mom and dad she is with child. Over controlling as they are they will try to force their views on this. The law says as a woman or girl is pregnant she is now emancipated regardless of age. A parent can not legally force their child to abort or give up a baby for adoption. Now I said legally, not to say this does not happen each day anyway.

Years ago after my first wife and I had wed we had a friend who would visit us.
One morning Tim's mother called us and told us we needed to tell her son to go home at a proper hour. I told her this was a conversation better suited for her to have with Tim as he was 21. She did not like my answer so she called my mother in law to repeat the demand I sent home her son at night. Over controlling parents!
did you really mean to use the word "rational"?

Plenty of "rational" parents have higher expectations of their teens than you apparently do.

Just FYI, it's pretty common for teens to live up to their parents expectations when they have a good relationship, whether they are low expectations or high expectations.

The rest of your post has absolutely nothing to do with our OP and her situation.

 
Old 05-10-2013, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,282,567 times
Reputation: 39688
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabinerose View Post
See, and this is where I get confused. Last week, I'm being told to butt out. Done...I've butted out. No meetings with her parents, he makes his own choices and lives with the consequenses. Please, please, tell me how you take it that I am overly involved at this point? I ended my involvement on Saturday when I relayed the news that his gf's father was breaking them up. He has gone on to make his own choices as to talking to her...and when the sh*t hits the fan over it, he will deal with the fall out from his choices. If I were to call her parents, take his phone away, restrict him, etc...based on someone elses parenting rules...wouldn't THOSE actions make me too involved?!

I HAVE stepped away...and I'm getting backlash for being too involved. An example of how NOT to parent? Well, of course, I disagree. Like I said before, you parent yours however you want and I will do the same. Don't try and force your parenting on me though...which is why I am not telling my son's gf's parents that their daughter is lying to them...not my business IMHO.
Don't get confused, just remember to give fair consideration to the good advice that some have offered and let the other stuff go
 
Old 05-10-2013, 10:46 AM
 
Location: A place that's too cold
4,116 posts, read 4,080,850 times
Reputation: 10154
Sabinerose,

I'm curious if you think your son is continuing to actually see the girl? Does he have a car or opportunity to drive to wherever she lives? I think you said they attend different schools, is that right? How far apart do they live?

It seems sad to me the her parents are being so controlling. Developing relationships and falling in love is exactly what people in their upper teens are supposed to do! Certainly these teenage relationships don't often last for life, but it's part of growing up and learning how to be half of a couple, learning what traits you do and don't want in a partner, learning that loving someone is much more than a "tingley feeling" and that it involves giving, compromising, sacrificing, and commitment.

Do you have any idea why the girls parents insisted that ALL contact end? If they were concerned about them becoming sexually active, I could understand not allowing them to be alone in a bedroom, or even not letting them go on dates alone (although personally I consider that too controlling for their ages). But to forbid any contact whatsoever....how can any parent think that this will not end up in rebellion and harm to the parent-teen relationship???
 
Old 05-10-2013, 10:51 AM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,227,932 times
Reputation: 4111
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
But parents have authority over their own children, not other people. The girl's parents are not authority figures to the OP's son.
That's what I've been saying for 10 pages.
 
Old 05-10-2013, 10:53 AM
 
Location: Michigan
12,715 posts, read 11,227,932 times
Reputation: 4111
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
What do you mean that there is a time and a place for authority? For simply following authority at their word? How does one recognize when that time and place is?
That discussion takes a tiny bit more space than is possible on this thread, lol.

Suffice it to say that by one's mid-teens, a person ought to be critically evaluating the nature of just authority. Yes, that includes one's parents.
 
Old 05-10-2013, 11:03 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,282,567 times
Reputation: 39688
Moderator Cut: Quote deleted/orphaned

Not sure why you feel the need to be so confrontational in all aspects of your life? (I'm sure there is a story there). But teaching your child to purposely be disrespectful of others is not what most would consider good parenting.

Last edited by Jaded; 05-10-2013 at 01:42 PM.. Reason: Quote deleted/orphaned
 
Old 05-10-2013, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,282,567 times
Reputation: 39688
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
But parents have authority over their own children, not other people. The girl's parents are not authority figures to the OP's son.
Exactly.

But nobody is saying they do have authority over the boy, only that he needs to respect the fact they have authority over their daughter and do not wish her to date right now
 
Old 05-10-2013, 11:07 AM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,269,666 times
Reputation: 14658
Quote:
Originally Posted by djacques View Post
That discussion takes a tiny bit more space than is possible on this thread, lol.
Start a thread!
 
Old 05-10-2013, 11:10 AM
 
11,230 posts, read 9,269,666 times
Reputation: 14658
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Exactly.

But nobody is saying they do have authority over the boy, only that he needs to respect the fact they have authority over their daughter and do not wish her to date right now
You have never expressed why. Why does he need to do this?
 
Old 05-10-2013, 11:26 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,282,567 times
Reputation: 39688
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
You have never expressed why. Why does he need to do this?
Actually, I did - back on post 76 when I said...

Everyone in life has to answer to someone else on a regular basis or just bend to the authority of others.

When you don't you risk everything from financial ruin (loss of a job) to potential arrest or even death.

Teens are not yet adults. They are not on the same level as adults because they have not reached the point in life where they know enough to be in complete charge of themselves.

Teaching kids/teens to respect adults in authority is character building.

It is good practice for the self-discipline they will need to be civilized, productive adults in a few short years.


Learning how to deal and cope with things beyond your control is extremely important for young people.

We all suffer the consequences of parents who FAIL to teach this to their kids.

This would include learning to respect the wishes of people who have the right and authority to make their own rules even when you don't like them or agree with them.
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