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That all sounds good. But the father of the 16-year-old girl holds all the power in this situation. He's the one who can call the police and report that the boy is trespassing if the boy goes over there. Or withdraw his daughter from school. Or ship her across the country to live with relatives.
Do you think those things are at all likely to happen?
Good grief We are hardly discussing civil rights or the rule of law.
I did not say the girls parents had authority over the boy.
I said the boy needs to be taught to respect the wishes and rules of those in authority.
I just disagree. The ability ot judge the perview and scope of authority is a very important part of maturity. I am not sure what moral pcirciple you think drives this situation. But I don't see it. The boy needs to learn to uderstand conequences of actions. But they are no authority to him.
I just disagree. The ability ot judge the perview and scope of authority is a very important part of maturity. I am not sure what moral pcirciple you think drives this situation. But I don't see it. The boy needs to learn to uderstand conequences of actions. But they are no authority to him.
Again, I have not said the girls parents have authority over him, only that because they do have authority over her and they are the adults in the situation, he needs to respect their wishes whether he likes them or agrees with them.
Mostly because you kind of sound like a teen yourself on these posts, but also because you do not seem to grasp the importance of parents teaching their kids to respect adults in authority.
No offense, but you asked!
Do me a favor. Explain the importance of respecting authority, especially from the point of view of an adult with judgement. Presumably if it is important to teach the kids, there is some lifelong value in it. Why is important to respect adults in authority?
You bet! Throughout the years, I've witnessed many examples of all of those things (and more) happening to young people.
It's within the realm of possibility that a dad will send his 16-year-old away to keep her from talking to a particular boy (and thereby open the possibility of having her meet who knows who else, and do who knows what, who knows where) but it's not within what I'd call a likely range of outcomes.
It's within the realm of possibility that a dad will send his 16-year-old away to keep her from talking to a particular boy (and have her meet who knows who else, and do who knows what, who knows where) but it's not within what I'd call a range of likely outcomes.
If he suspects or knows his teenage daughter is bedding her older teenage boyfriend?
You bet! It happens all of the time!
You seem to be under the impression that OP gives a hoot what the girl's parents think of her. She doesn't, and I wouldn't either. Who the hell are they?
Moderator Cut You think it's about their personal opinion? Moderator Cut
Last edited by Jaded; 05-09-2013 at 02:25 PM..
Reason: Personal Attacks
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
Reputation: 41376
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabinerose
A take off thread from the one I posted last week about having to tell my son that his gf's father was not going to allow them to see each other anymore.
Yesterday I asked my son if they had found a way to communicate yet. He told me that they both created email addresses and they are talking back and forth with those (he gave me his new email and password). I told him to remember that her father WILL find out eventually and everything he writes needs to be appropriate (basically, keep in mind that everything you write will be read by her father at some point).
I am petty enough to be transfering their emails to a memory card. When her father freaks out, I want to be able to come back with proof that HIS daughter contacted my son first. (Read: he's not stalking or harrassing her).
Fortunately, our son is pretty open with us and willing to talk. We made sure he understands the boundaries he has to live under (don't call her phone, don't write anything you wouldn't want her father reading, etc...).
Overall, I was pretty amused with how quickly they were able to start talking again after her father forbid it. During the conversation with my husband last week (the one where her father dumped the chore of telling our son about the forced break-up), my husband told him that they (meaning her) would start lying and sneaking around if he forced them to break up.
OP, you should really not be encouraging this or do more to prevent this from happening. I think the others girl's parents are wrong but I'm thinking about your son here. If escalates to the point of the police getting involved, your son will be in all types of and have potentially severe legal consequences. For the good of your son, insist he stop contacting her.
I did not read the entire former thread, I read the OP's original statements as well as most of this thread.
It is my understanding that the parents of this girl contacted the OP and her Husband and informed them that their daughter was not to see the OP's son anymore.
In light of that, here are my thoughts:
The parents of the girl are beyond unreasonable. The parents of the girl have some pretty high expectations of the OP and her DH as well as son. For them to request a "meeting" is just odd to me, that does scream controlling parent who has stepped over the boundaries into my yard and I don't generally take to that all that well.
The parents of the girl IMO should have spoken to the the boy and girl directly, sounds to me like they did not have the courage to do that so instead they went to the boys parents and expect them to enforce their rules. I personally, would not take too kindly to that type of a scenario.
I am a proponent of teaching my kids to respect other parents wishes however, those parents did not speak to the son, they spoke to the parents.
These kids are going to find a way to communicate and honestly, I don't blame them. However, I would encourage my son to exercise extreme caution. I would remind him that if there is any sexual contact that he absolutely must protect himself and his girlfriend ie use a condom, always. I have seen girls in these types of situations and sadly, so often, many of them become very rebellious and also will attempt a pregnancy to escape their parents. This is what I would caution my son on. I would educate myself and my son on the laws regarding contact vs whatever their ages are. If they are within the boundaries of the law, I would be okay, if they were not, that would be a whole different scenario.
As a parent, I feel it is my job to protect my children, not to enforce the rules of other parents. Sure, if my son takes a girl to the prom and the parents say have her home by midnight, I expect my son to comply. Same with curfews and general rules that are set forth by most parents but if a parent called me and said "my daughter is to never speak to or have contact with your son" purely because they feel she should not be talking to a boy, I would have a really hard time telling my kid that he must obey that rule when the girl is already contacting him. She is the one who is disobeying her parents, he is not under her parents control and IMO is not disobeying you which is all that matters.
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We are hardly discussing civil rights or the rule of law.
and have potentially severe legal consequences. For the good of your son, insist he stop contacting her.