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You are in your late 20's and she is 15-16 yrs old. You shouldn't be having email contact with her, especially without her parents knowing. Your situation and the OPs are completely different. Actually, yours sounds kind of creepy to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beat_the_Streak_MLB
One of my cousins' friends is only a freshman in high school and I'm in my late 20's.
This girl wants to become an actress and I gave her a bunch of advice on how to improve.
She actually seems like a pretty well behaved girl and even she told me at what point, "My dad doesn't like me to talk to people he doesn't know, so here's my e-mail address. We can talk on there and he can't find out about it."
So I think it's pretty natural for girls that age to sneak around.
And hopefully no more implied approval of his sneaky behavior.
Well, I'm still not calling her parents to tell them that they are emailing...if that's what you mean by "implied approval" of his behavior. If me implying approval through silence allows him to learn the repercussions of his choices...well, isn't that how life's lessons are learned sometimes? Our children make choices and then have to deal with the fall-out or rewards from their decisions (bad or good).
Last edited by Sabinerose; 05-09-2013 at 08:26 PM..
One of my cousins' friends is only a freshman in high school and I'm in my late 20's.
This girl wants to become an actress and I gave her a bunch of advice on how to improve.
She actually seems like a pretty well behaved girl and even she told me at what point, "My dad doesn't like me to talk to people he doesn't know, so here's my e-mail address. We can talk on there and he can't find out about it."
So I think it's pretty natural for girls that age to sneak around.
My oldest daughter is 19, I do not agree with your statement that it is natural for teenage girls to sneak around. In some cases, I think it has more to do with how open and honest of a relationship the girl has with her parents.
I would assume (based on ages alone) that you are not entertaining the idea of developing a relationship with this girl? You could have some real challenges ahead of you if her father gets the wrong idea...
In truth, I think I was gloating a bit, or maybe laughing at his expense. I can't express the anger I felt toward that man as I sat and rubbed my son's back as he sobbed on his birthday because I had just told him that he couldn't see his gf anymore...so, yeah...perhaps I was a little more gleeful than I should have been when I wrote the OP. Despite my personal feelings toward this virtual stranger...I did make sure my son understood the possible results of communicating with this girl.
We'll see what happens next, but I do agree with many of the posters from last week about being too involved. My husband and I are out of it...we'll be here to try and catch our son when he falls (or perhaps help him sweep up the pieces), or even celebrate with him if this has a happy ending...but no more meetings and / or relaying messages for the gf's father.
OP I would have felt the same way, I really appreciate your honesty. I feel bad for your DS, the poor kid, that just sucks. I hope he recovers quickly and finds a happy medium somewhere with his GF
Well, I'm still not calling her parents to tell them that they are emailing...if that's what you mean by "implied approval" of his behavior. If me implying approval through silence allows him to learn the repercussions of his choices...well, isn't that how life's lessons are learned sometimes? Our children make choices and then have to deal with the fall-out or rewards from their decisions (bad or good).
WOW, you are way too involved. The sad part of it is, you are laying the foundation for years to come. You are on the track to being overly involved in everything: his marriage, his job, his kids. I am not trying to be insulting, but you are the example of how NOT to be as a parent.
As another poster wisely pointed out: it is his heart, it is his love life. This is all part of growing up. Why have you even allowed yourself to get involved this far?
The way I see it, this sneaky e mail business is way better than crawling out the window at night or involving friends in clandestine meetings. We knew this would happen.
Look, if parents have an issue with your son, you have options:
1) talk to the parents and resolve said issue
2) tell your kid to respect the wishes of the other person's parents.
Period. It is not OK for you to encourage your kid to ignore the wishes of the other parent's kid. It's pretty simple. You are wrong.
WOW, you are way too involved. The sad part of it is, you are laying the foundation for years to come. You are on the track to being overly involved in everything: his marriage, his job, his kids. I am not trying to be insulting, but you are the example of how NOT to be as a parent.
As another poster wisely pointed out: it is his heart, it is his love life. This is all part of growing up. Why have you even allowed yourself to get involved this far?
I don't know where this conclusion came from. Involvement was pretty much forced upon her when the girl's parents told OP to be the one to inform her son of the mandatory break-up. She did that, and has said that she has discussed with him the possible repercussions of continued contact, and she says that now"My husband and I are out of it...we'll be here to try and catch our son when he falls (or perhaps help him sweep up the pieces), or even celebrate with him if this has a happy ending...but no more meetings and / or relaying messages for the gf's father."
I think it's perfectly normal for OP to be concerned about her son, to feel bad about his broken heart, to want to be there for him with support and advice. How that equates to being "overly involved" in his future marriage, job, and kids is a mystery to me.
WOW, you are way too involved. The sad part of it is, you are laying the foundation for years to come. You are on the track to being overly involved in everything: his marriage, his job, his kids. I am not trying to be insulting, but you are the example of how NOT to be as a parent.
As another poster wisely pointed out: it is his heart, it is his love life. This is all part of growing up. Why have you even allowed yourself to get involved this far?
See, and this is where I get confused. Last week, I'm being told to butt out. Done...I've butted out. No meetings with her parents, he makes his own choices and lives with the consequenses. Please, please, tell me how you take it that I am overly involved at this point? I ended my involvement on Saturday when I relayed the news that his gf's father was breaking them up. He has gone on to make his own choices as to talking to her...and when the sh*t hits the fan over it, he will deal with the fall out from his choices. If I were to call her parents, take his phone away, restrict him, etc...based on someone elses parenting rules...wouldn't THOSE actions make me too involved?!
I HAVE stepped away...and I'm getting backlash for being too involved. An example of how NOT to parent? Well, of course, I disagree. Like I said before, you parent yours however you want and I will do the same. Don't try and force your parenting on me though...which is why I am not telling my son's gf's parents that their daughter is lying to them...not my business IMHO.
See, and this is where I get confused. Last week, I'm being told to butt out. Done...I've butted out. No meetings with her parents, he makes his own choices and lives with the consequenses. Please, please, tell me how you take it that I am overly involved at this point? I ended my involvement on Saturday when I relayed the news that his gf's father was breaking them up. He has gone on to make his own choices as to talking to her...and when the sh*t hits the fan over it, he will deal with the fall out from his choices. If I were to call her parents, take his phone away, restrict him, etc...based on someone elses parenting rules...wouldn't THOSE actions make me too involved?!
I HAVE stepped away...and I'm getting backlash for being too involved. An example of how NOT to parent? Well, of course, I disagree. Like I said before, you parent yours however you want and I will do the same. Don't try and force your parenting on me though...which is why I am not telling my son's gf's parents that their daughter is lying to them...not my business IMHO.
I previously thought you were too involved. I did not understand the poster who continued that claim. For what it is worth, it looks like you changed your tune to me.
I agree. You can't go around forbidding kids to speak to their friends.
I think most rational people realize telling a teenager they can not date someone means the teenager will try to see the other even more so in spite.
This seems to be a recipe for the young woman to come home and tell mom and dad she is with child. Over controlling as they are they will try to force their views on this. The law says as a woman or girl is pregnant she is now emancipated regardless of age. A parent can not legally force their child to abort or give up a baby for adoption. Now I said legally, not to say this does not happen each day anyway.
Years ago after my first wife and I had wed we had a friend who would visit us.
One morning Tim's mother called us and told us we needed to tell her son to go home at a proper hour. I told her this was a conversation better suited for her to have with Tim as he was 21. She did not like my answer so she called my mother in law to repeat the demand I sent home her son at night. Over controlling parents!
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