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Old 05-20-2013, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Texas
42,295 posts, read 49,905,562 times
Reputation: 67187

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I also have to say that asking for gifts or outlining what they can be is also pretty disgusting.
A gift comes from sincere thought and from the heart.
You don't ASK for them.
If you do, it's not a GIFT...it's the price of admission.
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Old 05-20-2013, 08:15 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,513 posts, read 16,001,127 times
Reputation: 38960
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gettingouttahere View Post
I didn't mention this because it would've been too long a setup, but, for this same family's daughter's birthday LAST year, we were all invited to their home 90 minutes away for a backyard birthday party. By we I mean all the kids from the daughter's old school (our current school - they moved), plus all the kids' parents. About two dozen people -- not one of whom is a vegetarian, let alone a vegan.

This was for lunch, mind you. We were served lettuce and tomatoes on bread, with hummus. And veggie sticks. And water. The cake was a vegan carrot cake. It was awful.

The entire group went out to eat at Subway after the party was over. We were that starving.
OMG! I know several vegans and vegetarians and they always provide lots of good food for everyone to eat----now some don't provide meat and some do---but they always have plenty of something that someone on a typical diet would enjoy. Like some type of cheese & egg dish, rice dishes and lots and lots of good tasting fruits and vegetables. It sounds like they are just cheap.

Just water??!!! What about tea, fruit juice or coffee if they didn't want to serve milk or soda or alcohol.
Crappy hosts.
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Old 05-20-2013, 08:22 PM
 
Location: In a house
13,258 posts, read 34,716,614 times
Reputation: 20198
I can understand them needing to restrict the "source material" of gifts - but there are tactful ways of going about that:

"Your company at this celebration is gift enough, however should you choose to bring anything, please no leather or animal-sourced products."

It'd be awkward, but just like - if they kept kosher, you wouldn't want someone to bring a pot-luck plate of spare ribs to a picnic at their home. There needs to be some tactful way to ask.

Obviously the parents who sent that invite, failed to learn manners. Has nothing to do with them being vegan though. It has everything to do with having a little class.

Also as another poster said - don't forget this when it's -your- child's birthday. I'm thinking:

"We'll be serving up an old fashioned pig-roast, so you'll have to send your child over with her own soy-meats. Pre-cooked of course - our darling snowflake already has all the latest barbie dolls, so you'll need to step it up. Tickets to Justin Beiber concerts are acceptable, but only in the center stage or first mezzanine. Alternately, feel free to add between $500 and $5000 to her college fund. I hear Harvard's raising their tuition again! Lastly, Homie D. Clown will be entertaining. We're flying him in from Rome, so you'll need to pitch in another $250 entrance fee so we can cover his hotel at the Four Seasons. Looking forward to seeing you and your lovely little creampuff!"
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Old 05-20-2013, 09:22 PM
 
15,844 posts, read 18,508,907 times
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They are celebrating what? It is unclear. It sounds more like you are investing in a vacation at those prices I'd just send an RSVP on Non-attendance.
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Old 05-20-2013, 09:31 PM
 
15,844 posts, read 18,508,907 times
Reputation: 25629
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gettingouttahere View Post
I didn't mention this because it would've been too long a setup, but, for this same family's daughter's birthday LAST year, we were all invited to their home 90 minutes away for a backyard birthday party. By we I mean all the kids from the daughter's old school (our current school - they moved), plus all the kids' parents. About two dozen people -- not one of whom is a vegetarian, let alone a vegan.

This was for lunch, mind you. We were served lettuce and tomatoes on bread, with hummus. And veggie sticks. And water. The cake was a vegan carrot cake. It was awful.

The entire group went out to eat at Subway after the party was over. We were that starving.
Then why are you so surprized about this years party. You already knew how these people operate. If these folks have moved then your daughter is less likely to see them often, unless you encourage it.
I would just have their daughter over occasionally and not subject your daughter to this family dynamic anymore. Your call, but knowing they were like this takes a bit of the thunder out of your indignant post imo

Last edited by JanND; 05-20-2013 at 09:34 PM.. Reason: edit text
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Old 05-20-2013, 11:03 PM
 
9,863 posts, read 9,000,215 times
Reputation: 7946
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gettingouttahere View Post
We got the "save the date" email months ago, so my daughter already knew about the event. It was only on Thursday that the other shoe dropped about the details, when the mom sent that email.

This family is not hurting for money. Well....who knows, they may be, but they certainly have all the usual upper middle class toys.

Had I known it was a pay your own way event, I would've declined at the initial notification and made arrangements for the girls to spend time together elsewhere. It ended up costing $40 for the entrance, $20 for food, and $20 for the gift. Sigh.

You are a better person than me.
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Old 05-21-2013, 12:48 AM
 
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
37 posts, read 36,381 times
Reputation: 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gettingouttahere View Post
We know a couple with three kids who I guess are "friends," though it's mostly our kids who are friends. They became vegans a couple of years ago. This year, they invited my daughter to a local hotel/water park, where they are spending the weekend to celebrate.

This is the e-mail she sent me:

"(Your daughter) cannot sleep over since the room has only 3 beds plus we are going out that evening and don't know when we'll be back.
You are welcome to drop her off any time in the morning, just please have her eat breakfast at home since we don't eat there.
There is nothing that they offer there that we can eat except for lettuce ;-) so we bring our own fruits and stuff for breakfast and make sandwiches for lunch in our room... (Shhhh - don't tell them )
There is a fee to get in for the day, I just called them, it's $40 a person.
and then either pack her a lunch box or send some extra cash with her so she can buy lunch since we don't..."

And then there's stuff about what kind of present we should buy the kid.

I find this the most outrageous "invitation" I've ever gotten.
Am I right?
Dear God...what the hell is wrong with people? I would grab my daughter by the shoulders, shake her and tell her she better stop making friends that's are crazier then her brothers and sisters. Then, I'd tell her I was kidding, shake her a little more and tell her she was never allowed to go near that kid and her parents again or she'd be grounded for a month! So yes, that invitation takes the cake for outrageous-ness.
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Old 05-21-2013, 06:09 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,684,822 times
Reputation: 19413
Mmmmmm .... Might have found something that, "Oops! ....suddenly came up!", for a situation like that. I guess you're a better person that I am!

I feel bad for the little girl, but as far as the parents' manners and etiquette...yeah, they have none, clearly. They're terrible hosts and more than likely, lousy guests, too!
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Old 05-21-2013, 07:52 AM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,314 posts, read 4,827,472 times
Reputation: 2980
Quote:
Originally Posted by Big G View Post
Given this, I think y'all are looking at this from the wrong angle. With ONE guest, this wasn't a birthday party, this was just the family asking the OP's daughter to tag along on a family outing. That's a different beast, and the rules for who pays what aren't as cut-and-dried in that setting.


If you set aside the "birthday" aspect (and being shaken down for a specific present), then their behavior seems more reasonable. IMO. My kid's been asked to go to Six Flags, water parks, etc. with friends and their families from time to time. It's never even crossed my mind that the cost of admission or food should be paid by the inviting family. I just viewed it as "Hey, we're going, and you can ride along. - Dutch treat."
Did you receive a save-the-date for these dutch treat events????
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Old 05-21-2013, 07:55 AM
 
Location: Central, NJ
2,314 posts, read 4,827,472 times
Reputation: 2980
OP - invite them to your daughter's next party. Serve pulled pork, beef jerky and cheese fries. Bonus points if you hold it at a slaughter house.
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