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I think you have a problem. You are giving way too much power to your SIL. You are allowing her normal life to affect your life. Why would you do that? She is just raising her kids the way she sees fit. It is unhealthy for something like that to make you sick. I think you need to examine why you are allowing what she does to affect you so much.
It's not up to you or anyone else on this forum to decide whether or not your SIL is right on target with her parenting style. She's super focused on helping them achieve but can't handle the unexpected? So what? No one should be taking score. It's her life, her kids.
Is part of the problem that she takes care of herself and that she looks nice? I think there's a little more to the story.
I agree with the other posters - let it go and find a healthy outlet for your jealousies. When you self-improve and you are proud of your choices (not just with your parenting, but with yourself as an individual), you will see how, miraculously, you stop critiquing others.
OP, are you sure you're feeling jealous? Or could it be a tinge of competition?
I have a SIL that tries very hard to be SuperMom, she is also very controlling. One example that even now has me shaking my head... She has this thing about "rotating toys"; Whatever toys her kids get are put on shelf in their room where they can see it but can't reach/touch it. They are only allowed to play 4 toys for whatever time she specifies, then rotate those toys up. They're not allowed to have their favorites (not allowed to get attached to items like blankets, teddy bears, et.c). She's also the type to fall apart at the unexpected... and my gawd, it's a show to watch. Its all very melodramatic, tense and strung out.
A SuperMom should be able to handle the unexpected-- so if your SIL falls apart temporarily, she's not one-- though she tries hard. I feel the fact she would fall apart at that, even temporarily, sends a strange message to a kid.
OMG!!!!!!!! Why would you do that to your child!?
OP....you are who you are! If there are some things that your SIL is doing with her children, that you SHOULD be doing with yours, then do it. There is no place for jealousy in this world. It's just a feeling which comes about, because you're not doing something you feel you should be doing?
Jealousy implies that you (subconsciously) feel guilty about something YOU are not doing. Jealousy also directs negative energy toward someone who's doing something that YOU are coveting...something that YOU think you should be doing or wanting.
Your SIL doesn't deserve your jealousy and your negative energy. She is simply trying to be the best mom SHE can be. You are clearly not like her and OMG, that's okay!! We are all different. Children are raised differently, so they too....grow up to be individuals. It's okay! Raising children should not be a competition and as a parent, you have the right to raise your child the way it works for YOUR family.
And there's the happiness factor, some kids who are always pushed end up feeling they aren't really loved. They put on a good show, will try to please the mother by acting like the geniuses she wants them to be but deep down they know they're not and will never really be happy with what they really are.
Mr_Geeks right...enjoy your own little one and be glad that your nieces or nephews are being well taken care of. Not everybody raises their children the same...don't compare yourself to her...the main thing is that the children are happy.
I have a SIL that is so super mom it makes me both sick and jealous at the same time.
All she does it work with her kids around the clock. She has 2. I have a daughter almost the same age as hers. Her daughter has always been ahead of mine in development, not because my daughter is behind (she is on track) but because SIL spends so much time with her daughters development , . She spends countless time, effort, and money on her kids making sure they are well developed.
Examples: sends kids to private catholic school, works with them all day long, she had her daughter potty trained at 1 yr. , and shortly after that using sign language. She is giving her 7 year old son homework (1hr a week)in summer to keep him sharp for next grade, has made him play piano and recitals for 2 years even though he doesn't like it. She (in my opinion) over coddles them, 2 yr old still breast feeds and only naps when she is in a sling up against her mom. they all still sleep in same bed together (even 7 year old) and SIL allows / promotes it. I have many other examples but do not wish to go on and on.
She is also a major planner planning all activities as much as a year in advance, over plans, over packs items for her kids. If she had to throw together a quick diaper bag and run out the door on a moments notices she would never survive .
the kids are very well adjusted and behaved, so I guess I shouldn't be sick over her desire to work with her kids and advance there development. I guess I am somewhat Jealous because her daughter is always ahead of mine. I do not want to spend every waking hour to make my daughter that way, I just want her to be a normal kid growing up "on track or target" with a normal everyday life going to public school.
So why am I still jealous .
I don't think you should be jealous.
Just a lesson in getting out what you put into something.
I don't know about all this cosleeping for so long, but that's her family and her right to run it that way. I don't really find it desirable, but that's my opinion.
For some people, "on track" or "just like everyone else" isn't good enough. I can (and most asian parents can) appreciate that sentiment. We still had nice childhoods and are fully functional adults, so don't buy into the comments here about how her kids will be screwed up and helpless and feel unloved and never have a "fun childhood." That's just sour grapes talking.
The woman took it upon herself to make her kids her number one priority. She may be a little wackadoo with the overplanning parties and stuff, but as for encouraging their development and skills, I see nothing wrong with that.
Your SIL doesn't deserve your jealousy and your negative energy. She is simply trying to be the best mom SHE can be. You are clearly not like her and OMG, that's okay!! We are all different. Children are raised differently, so they too....grow up to be individuals. It's okay! Raising children should not be a competition and as a parent, you have the right to raise your child the way it works for YOUR family.
This is the best post on the thread.
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Why would you do that to your child!? 
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