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Old 06-08-2013, 11:41 AM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,772,681 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Hcek no. I owe my kids an education but not a set of wheels. That they can buy on their own.

We do have a car that dd can use but it's not hers and will be shared with her sister when she starts driving next year. If she wants her own car, she'll have to buy her own car.
Actually parents are only legally obligated to provide for a child either by working or by getting welfare handouts to support them until the child is 18 and out of high school. That only includes enough food to eat, adequate clothes, housing, making sure they go to school, and medical care.

You can make your own rules -- but there is no obligation to give them anything beyond that.

I think in most cases, parents want to go beyond the very minimum and get their kids a solid start in life, learning to drive is important and having means to get to work is important but there is no obligation.
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Old 06-11-2013, 06:18 AM
 
2,962 posts, read 2,878,664 times
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I don't feel obligated to buy my children a car. It would be more work for me to drive them to places they need to go. However, it is likely more "work" overall for me if they don't learn the valuable lesson that earning/buying your own car teaches.

I can choose to drive them to a friend's house... or not. Teenagers want freedom. They do not want dad saying "Sorry kiddo, dad isn't driving you to so-and-so's house since I have to do XYZ around the house." They'd rather be able to be in control. If they want that control and that freedom, let them earn it. I'll drive them to a part-time job to help them reach their goals. But, fork over thousands of dollars to give them this freedom? What lesson does that teach?
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Old 06-13-2013, 07:11 AM
 
Location: Camberville
11,405 posts, read 16,022,823 times
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Obligated? No. But as someone who grew up in a rural area with parents who would neither help me buy a car, loan me their car, nor give me rides and then wondered why I couldn't get a job (because they would often "forget" to give me a ride to the interview), be at least willing to do one of the above.

I didn't get a car until I was 23 and in the throws of cancer. I could no longer walk or take public transit to work and my numerous appointments, so I had to get a car that I couldn't afford. My parents would not help me - not even with a downpayment for a used car - so I ended up with a leased car because the monthly payments are low and there was no downpayment. My parents have the right to do what they want with their money, but when they go to Scotland for 2 weeks instead of helping out their young adult daughter a few months out of college dealing with cancer, I have every right to think of them as people who don't have my best interests at heart.

Luckily, not working during high school meant that I had plenty of time to study and earn a full tuition scholarship to my dream elite private school in New England - exactly where I wanted to be. On the other hand, the most difficult cancer-related expense has been and will continue to be the car. I still lack the energy to walk as much as I used to and will need a car to get to my various appointments for the foreseeable future. Even a loan for a downpayment from my parents would have been lifechanging in the amount of financial stress I deal with now.
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Old 06-13-2013, 09:08 AM
 
826 posts, read 964,174 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Hcek no. I owe my kids an education but not a set of wheels. That they can buy on their own.

We do have a car that dd can use but it's not hers and will be shared with her sister when she starts driving next year. If she wants her own car, she'll have to buy her own car.
You don't owe your child nothing after 18 years of age.
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Old 06-17-2013, 10:59 PM
 
4,268 posts, read 13,724,148 times
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Heck no!! However, my husband did get a used car and I did get a (nice) hand me down my sophomore year in college. With that said, if our kiddo ends up being a good kid, gets good grades, and someone who is trustworthy, I would at least help out and if we are financially comfortable, I would be OK with getting her a car. Again, that really depends on the kid and by no means do I feel that it is an obligation. I have over a decade to think about it ... plenty of time right?
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Old 06-18-2013, 12:19 AM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,772,681 times
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Of course that's also nothing wrong with doing what you want to do to help a kid get started in life, especially if the kid is doing his or her part. Even if a parent isn't obligated, it's generally good to help a child learn to drive, have a way to a job or college. There's nothing wrong with having the child realize it's not by obligation.
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Old 06-19-2013, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
24,738 posts, read 59,704,583 times
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Obligation? No. Privilege - certainly.

there are a lot of advantages to supplying them with a car or helping them get one on their own.

1. No more taxi driver mom or dad. They can drive themselves and their siblings to various events.

2. Makes it easier to motivate them to learn to work on a car. It woudl be a fight to get my daughter to help me with a brake job on my car, but she will ask me to help her with a brake job on her car. Thus she learns by helping and she is appreciative rather than annoyed.

3. Helps them learn responsibility.

4. Provides a good discipline tool. Once they taste the freedom that comes with having a car for htem to drive, the threat of losing it is a very strong incentive.

5. My kids do not drink. I prefer thy have a car and drive than they ride with friends.

6. I forgot a notebook of important documents at home. Mom is at work. I can call a kid and ask them to bring me the notebook.

7. You can impress your neighbors by having eight cars in your driveway. They think you are either rich or really popular. (Usually they cannot see that the either cars are all 11-20 years old).
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Old 06-20-2013, 09:28 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,772,681 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
Obligation? No. Privilege - certainly.

there are a lot of advantages to supplying them with a car or helping them get one on their own.

1. No more taxi driver mom or dad. They can drive themselves and their siblings to various events.

2. Makes it easier to motivate them to learn to work on a car. It woudl be a fight to get my daughter to help me with a brake job on my car, but she will ask me to help her with a brake job on her car. Thus she learns by helping and she is appreciative rather than annoyed.

3. Helps them learn responsibility.

4. Provides a good discipline tool. Once they taste the freedom that comes with having a car for htem to drive, the threat of losing it is a very strong incentive.

5. My kids do not drink. I prefer thy have a car and drive than they ride with friends.

6. I forgot a notebook of important documents at home. Mom is at work. I can call a kid and ask them to bring me the notebook.

7. You can impress your neighbors by having eight cars in your driveway. They think you are either rich or really popular. (Usually they cannot see that the either cars are all 11-20 years old).
All good points.

I especially like #4 and #5.

I'm a really nice parent because I will not only help them with driver's ed, insurance and help them get their first car but it comes with strings attached. I certainly don't feel obligated to get them a car, but it's one of those things -- I'll bend over backward and jump through hoops to help them get a good start - but they must do their part also.

And it comes down to drive or be driven, I'd rather have it be my kid in the drivers seat because I tend to trust my kids and believe they have some sense, I'm never sure about the other kids as much.
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Old 06-21-2013, 10:51 PM
 
Location: California
29,633 posts, read 31,965,462 times
Reputation: 24763
I shared my car with my eldest when she got her license then got myself a new one before she took it off to college 8 years ago. I just did it again after that first car died on her so now she has two of my hand-me-down cars. My "new" one is only a year newer than the one I just sold to her (well...more like GAVE her but-she-ows-me-a-favor kind of thing) but it's a nicer vehicle for me to drive.

My son didn't drive until he was 19 and then he got my husbands old CRV, after it made the rounds to a few other people first since my son had no interest in driving for some reason. That poor thing was beat up so bad but it worked for him for a couple years and that's all that mattered.

I was a chauffer the entire time my son didn't want to drive, and he went to school and had a job a few towns over so I was driving a lot. It was so worth providing him with a vehicle when he finally decided to take the plunge! FREEDOM!
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