U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-04-2013, 04:24 PM
 
Location: Man with a tan hat
799 posts, read 1,257,374 times
Reputation: 1436

Advertisements

My family is rife with adult children (nieces, nephews, cousins) who either come home after college and work a part time job while sponging off their parents or adult kids who don't go to college and live at home with or without a job.
This floors me as my siblings and I were raised to be very independent. I don't quite understand how the same people I grew up with now let their kids be so useless.

There is no reason for it. Nothing is wrong with any of these kids. I have one nephew who is going to college this fall and he says he "may not bother to look" for a summer job because he is "leaving in August." Uhhh, yeah. That is what is called a SUMMER job. And my niece is 25 and has only had a job for a few weeks at a time. She goes EVERYWHERE with her mom and is spoiled rotten. I often have to remind myself how old she is because I literally see her as being 12 or 13 due to her behavior and level of independence.

I was grousing about this to a friend who says his youngest sister just graduated from college and has no plans to get an apartment or do anything other than move home with her mom. Is this a generational thing that I just don't get? I am 36, so not that old, but seriously, I do not understand.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-04-2013, 04:43 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,117 posts, read 37,766,222 times
Reputation: 73824
You said you and your siblings were raised to be independent.

How did your sister (in-law, wife of your brother??) stray from the path with your "spoiled rotten" niece?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-04-2013, 04:51 PM
 
12,922 posts, read 19,812,959 times
Reputation: 33964
There is a huge difference between kids who move home after college to mooch off their parents, and those who move home to attend grad school, or work and save towards their future. Most of the returnees I know followed the second path. Our eldest came home and did his grad degree in a nearby city. We had no problem with it. He didn't move out until he married.

Our younger two are still in college. Middle son is home for the summer, working and taking two classes online. Youngest is out of the country doing research. I don't think it matters where they lay their heads at night, as long as they are working towards their future goals.

I don't know any kids who came home after 4 years away and regressed back to a childhood role. If they exist, it's because the parents allowed it. I wouldn't.

Jobs aren't so easy to come by though, and I do understand young adults who are appreciative of a home while they search.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-04-2013, 05:36 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
2,535 posts, read 4,502,400 times
Reputation: 2572
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
There is a huge difference between kids who move home after college to mooch off their parents, and those who move home to attend grad school, or work and save towards their future. Most of the returnees I know followed the second path. Our eldest came home and did his grad degree in a nearby city. We had no problem with it. He didn't move out until he married.

Our younger two are still in college. Middle son is home for the summer, working and taking two classes online. Youngest is out of the country doing research. I don't think it matters where they lay their heads at night, as long as they are working towards their future goals.

I don't know any kids who came home after 4 years away and regressed back to a childhood role. If they exist, it's because the parents allowed it. I wouldn't.

Jobs aren't so easy to come by though, and I do understand young adults who are appreciative of a home while they search.
Definitely agree that as long as they are pursuing goals, living at home is fine.

My dh is a high school principal so we have known a lot of families over the past 10 years or so whose kids have gone through college. These kids are definitely having a harder time finding work than we did. None of them that I know have moved home to mooch off parents, though. I know several who have lived at home for a couple years before being able to find a *real* job. Also, I have known several who lived at home for many years after college, saving a nest egg until they got married. I think all these things are fine decisions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-04-2013, 05:43 PM
 
4,787 posts, read 4,675,469 times
Reputation: 5524
I don't know many people who go home/stay home to mooch off of their parents. But I also probably wouldn't associate much with moochers. This does not apply to everyone who lives at home, obviously.

Honestly if the parents didn't want them there (which doesn't sound like the case), then they should make it as intolerable as possible to their children.

My husband and I discussed this the other day. We could never, ever imagine a scenario in which we would want to move home with our families. It's so much better for our sanity to be out of our parents' homes.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-04-2013, 06:07 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,585 posts, read 4,793,203 times
Reputation: 16511
I don't put all that live at home in the same category. I agree with the OP but there are other situations too.

I know people and have cousins that never left home. They would be between 50 and 80 if all were still alive. All but 2 had good jobs with major companies or public sector jobs so it was not a question of money, except for 2. They just liked living at home. Their parents liked having them there. Everybody is different. I don't consider it mooching. They may have been paying more of the bills than the parents. They certainly had the income for it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-04-2013, 06:11 PM
 
Location: In the city
1,581 posts, read 3,165,809 times
Reputation: 2353
OP, I am a few years shy of your age and I don't get it either. I basically went to college and never came back. I worked two and three jobs to pay for my first apartment. My family was not a safe haven for me and therefore I had no other option.

I think that kids who get a free pass to live at home after college are in for a rude awakening. Though I understand that parents want to make room for them to follow their goals, IMHO they are only delaying the inevitable. Some day it will be time for that child to pay its own way. My own experience built up my creativity, my resourcefulness, and made me appreciate things I had earned myself. I learned to work very hard, plan, budget, and face the reality that there isn't always a safety net.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-04-2013, 07:34 PM
 
Location: Long Island
8,511 posts, read 11,404,705 times
Reputation: 4764
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatisthedealwith View Post
This floors me as my siblings and I were raised to be very independent.
Freeloaders are never a good thing, but on the flip side, many parents throw their kids out not just because they want you to be independent but also to alleviate the financial burden, and just because they can. The parents who throw their kids out the minute they turn 18 set them up for financial hardship.

It's great that people work through it but there are just as many who didn't have to who are still very responsible (and appreciative) adults... who will do the same for their kids. If kids stay at home after college while working a full time job, they are well on their way to saving for a down payment for their own place. That seems like the biggest barrier for most - why won't parents help their kids out in that case?

Just don't let the kids freeload while at home.

Last edited by ovi8; 06-04-2013 at 07:50 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-04-2013, 11:43 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,864 posts, read 18,923,477 times
Reputation: 25123
I would be delighted if my kids lived at home through college and beyond, at least until they get married. My parents were the "you're 18 now, don't let the door hit you on the way out" kind of people and my late teens and early 20's were a real struggle. I don't think my kids need to know hardship to appreciate what they had living in my house, which I think was some of my mother's motivation for kicking me out when I was 18. I'd rather have my kids live with me and save money for a down payment, or pay off student loans.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-05-2013, 04:59 AM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
2,535 posts, read 4,502,400 times
Reputation: 2572
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedasusual View Post

I think that kids who get a free pass to live at home after college are in for a rude awakening. Though I understand that parents want to make room for them to follow their goals, IMHO they are only delaying the inevitable. Some day it will be time for that child to pay its own way. My own experience built up my creativity, my resourcefulness, and made me appreciate things I had earned myself. I learned to work very hard, plan, budget, and face the reality that there isn't always a safety net.
So you think a young adult who puts his earnings into a savings account for 5 years or so and then puts 50% down on a house he buys when he gets married hasn't learned to pay their own way? I've seen this happen. If my child were squandering their time and money, I wouldn't let them live at home, but if I saw them using the time wisely to set themselves up well for life, I would absolutely let them take advantage of the opportunity.

Since I got married 15 years ago the cost of living has more than tripled. (shoot, the last five years or so has seen most of that inflation.) And salaries have remained the same and/or gone down. It's not the same world we all made out way in as younger people.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top