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Respectfully I disagree. Kids also need to learn not to be so judgmental. For all we know the grandmother is OK with this arrangement. It is possible to teach our children right from wrong without having a kid challenging and confronting his elders. Frankly what his grandfather does is none of his business. Now if it was his father I could see the kid asking him about it. Because his future might be impacted by this behavior. Even then what 9 year old kid understands adult behavior and marriage pitfalls.
If the grandparents marriage is on the skids everybody else will find out about it anyway.
I'm surprised nobody has brought up the question of whether the grandmother should be told about what was seen. That is a tricky situation. The woman might know and after 30-40 years of marriage just roll her eyes and never miss a beat.On the other hand she might know but now feels she needs to save face and throw the bum out cause now her whole family knows about it. Or it could come as a complete surprise and turn her whole world upside down. But still it should be her adult children who decide and no kid should be involved in the action or any discussion....unless it will impact their day to day lives and/or living situation.
I'm not saying the child should JUDGE the grandfather - I'm saying the child has a right to question his grandfather about his public relationship with his mistress. If this guy is kissing this woman on public streets, his expectation of privacy is no longer valid, and the child has a right to ask about it. "Grandpa, who was that lady? Why were you kissing her?" - a totally valid question if the kid wants to ask it.
What's wrong with a child challenging or confronting his elders, anyway? Allowing a child to learn to do so in a respectful and intelligent way is invaluable. And I think teaching children to remain silent when they are confused about a situation is not a good idea at all.
OK I'm sure there are many people on this forum who have divorced a cheating spouse. Did you limit your kids access to that parent because that parent was going to be a bad influence? I don't think so unless there were other extenuating circumstances going on like drug abuse, criminal activity, etc. Legally I don't think this is even possible. A grandparent has even less influence over a kid.
Given all the divorced couples I know... there actually is a legal way to limit access. It's called having (full) custody, with visitation rights to be determined.
The influence of a grandparent depends on the family fabric itself, so it wouldn't be correct to say they'd not have that much influence.
Given all the divorced couples I know... there actually is a legal way to limit access. It's called having (full) custody, with visitation rights to be determined.
The influence of a grandparent depends on the family fabric itself, so it wouldn't be correct to say they'd not have that much influence.
If someone had prevented me from seeing my grandfather as a child, I would have been very upset about it.
Given all the divorced couples I know... there actually is a legal way to limit access. It's called having (full) custody, with visitation rights to be determined.
The influence of a grandparent depends on the family fabric itself, so it wouldn't be correct to say they'd not have that much influence.
The days of granting full custody to one parent because of infidelity are long gone. Now drugs, alcohol, illegal activities, DUI's, abuse are all good reasons in the eyes of the court but rarely is full custody granted with no visitation simply cause of infidelity. We would have a heck of a lot more kids with only one parent involved in their lives if this was the case.
The days of granting full custody to one parent because of infidelity are long gone. Now drugs, alcohol, illegal activities, DUI's, abuse are all good reasons in the eyes of the court but rarely is full custody granted with no visitation simply cause of infidelity. We would have a heck of a lot more kids with only one parent involved in their lives if this was the case.
Except that's not how their situations worked out. They filed it under "Irreconcilable differences" and the parenting plan came up with noncheating spouse having the custody with the other parent having visitation rights. A lot of the cheaters in my friends' situations were only sorry that they got caught (but not for breaking the family, that simply wasn't their fault) and eager to get back in the field.
The days of granting full custody to one parent because of infidelity are long gone. Now drugs, alcohol, illegal activities, DUI's, abuse are all good reasons in the eyes of the court but rarely is full custody granted with no visitation simply cause of infidelity. We would have a heck of a lot more kids with only one parent involved in their lives if this was the case.
Infidelity should never be a reason to prevent someone from seeing their children but courts are always mother biased.
we know women cheat just as much as men. Still I am seeing more and more fathers getting custody. I think it should either be shared or given to the best parent-regardless of gender.
Children change things. Before having children if I had cheate don my wife I would have just considered it a betrayal of my wife. Now that I have children with my wife I think it would be a betrayal to them as well if I were to cheat. It would compromise our family unit. I guess I feel the same way about cheating granddads. It's showing the childrena nd granddchildren that grandpa doesn't respect grandma.
Grandpa has obviously been cheating for a long time. What does suddenly having knowledge of his actions change in terms of whether or not he is a "good person" to be around his grandchildren?
It's showing the childrena nd granddchildren that grandpa doesn't respect grandma.
That doesn't mean he likes the grandkids any less.
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