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Just overheard a conversation between my mother and a friend. She has 2 sons aged 9 and 5 and the oldest saw their paternal grandfather kissing his mistress outside an hotel. He apparently has been making questions about who that woman is. Apparently the grandfather has been this way for over 40 years.
She was asking my mother what she thought about it. My paternal grandfather kept a mistress until a few years before my grandmother died. I'm glad my mother never limited our contact with him because he was outstanding with both my brother and I.
What a horrible thing to have to explain to the older sons. I don't know that limiting contact is appropriate, but a conversation certainly is. The best she can do is explain to the son what she thinks about it and remind him that good people sometimes do bad things. Don't try to hide it or cover it up.
Just overheard a conversation between my mother and a friend. She has 2 sons aged 9 and 5 and the oldest saw their paternal grandfather kissing his mistress outside an hotel. He apparently has been making questions about who that woman is. Apparently the grandfather has been this way for over 40 years.
She was asking my mother what she thought about it. My paternal grandfather kept a mistress until a few years before my grandmother died. I'm glad my mother never limited our contact with him because he was outstanding with both my brother and I.
Nah, the grandchildren definitely come first, but the mistress just another part of his personal life.
I do not regard cheaters very highly. I think it's horrible predicament to put your family in. I feel sorry for the friend because now she has to walk a narrow line... She's being put in a position where she has to explain to her son that G-pa is cheating, but how can she show that cheating is wrong? Now she has to bring this dishonest element into her family-life.
Personally, I wouldn't limit the children's contact. But that kind of situation in my family (since keeping silent isn't what we do) is bound to blow up and for worse.
What a horrible thing to have to explain to the older sons. I don't know that limiting contact is appropriate, but a conversation certainly is. The best she can do is explain to the son what she thinks about it and remind him that good people sometimes do bad things. Don't try to hide it or cover it up.
Why should the mother have to explain who her father was kissing?
Shouldn't the grandfather have to explain it? Maybe he would think twice about kissing his mistress in public where anyone (including his young grandchildren) could see it.
Perhaps the sons, on their own (especially when they are older), will decide to limit their contact with their grandfather and spend more time with their grandmother..
And, who said that grandpa is a "good person"? Maybe he is a lying, cheating, no good scumbag? I would limit my children's contact with "lying, cheating, no good scumbags."
Last edited by germaine2626; 06-06-2013 at 08:06 PM..
Jeez Jay...is anything about your life normal or without controversy?
I would say, if the grandfather treats the kids with love and they enjoy his company...then his personal life has NOTHING to do with his grandkids.
I disagree. Most grandsons love and emulate their grandfathers and model their grandfathers behavior. I would be concerned that the grandsons would model his disrespect of his wife (their grandmother) and his disregard of his marriage vows. He was seen by his nine year old grandchild, in public, kissing his mistress. This affair does not appear to be a super secret behavior that no one knows about if grandpa is openly kissing his mistress on a street outside of a hotel.
Would you feel the same way if the grandfather was a drug addict, robber, animal abuser, spouse abuser or pedophile in his "personal life"? Oh what, he is a spouse abuser by cheating on her.
Last edited by germaine2626; 06-06-2013 at 09:30 PM..
In my opinion, so long as the grandfather is kind and loving to his grand children, there is no reason to be punitive.
What has me scratching my head though is how these children just happened to be outside a hotel when the grandfather walked out with his mistress. Seems a rather odd.
This is a delicate situation. The grandfather is modeling inappropriate behavior and who knows what else he is doing which could be detrimental to his health or his family? Still the grandchildren probably love him and want to continue a relationship.
At some point it would be necessary for the mother or father to teach the children that we have to accept some people as they are, warts and all and that while they definitely disagree with the grandfather's lack of morals, he is still their grandfather and it is OK to love him. It would also be a great teaching moment about how cheating and lying hurt so many people and in the end it all catches up with the person.
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