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Old 10-11-2006, 02:11 PM
 
504 posts, read 1,619,912 times
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How many people think that thier childrens behavior effects what people think of them and do you think childrens behavior should reflect on parents? Do you think that parents should pay for damages thier kids do, or be punished along with the kids. When do you consider a child capable of right and wrong? I am going to refrain on what I think and hope I get lots of answers.
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Old 10-11-2006, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Colorado
10,017 posts, read 16,702,450 times
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Lets see, I consider myself a good parent I have one in college, one wans to be a fireman and never has given me a minut of trouble another wants to be a teacher and agin no issue, then I have a 13 year old that cusses, smokes sneaks out and yells and doesnt like to do anything I ask him to do. So no I dont think that shuld reflect on me. Now parents that let all their kids run wild and not pay attention to them then yes it should. I think a child knows right from wrong when you teach him or her but age wise 11 or 12 for most things atleast mine. I think we should make the kids pay for what they do as punishment, they wont learn if their parents bail them out of trouble. And unfortunetly yes I think how your children behave reflects on the parent even if it shouldnt.
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Old 10-11-2006, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Marion, IN
8,191 posts, read 27,480,684 times
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When I see children behaving badly I think back to my childhood. I would have had the crap beat out of me for acting the way many children do. Unfortunately, society has said that parents will lose their children if they spank. I had a co-worker who's 14 year old son called DCF and told them his mother (16 inches shorter than the boy) was abusing him (because he did not get the overpriced gift that he wanted for his birthday). He went out and stole the item 2 days later.

This one is a tough call for me. I think that many parents do not stand up to their children. Children today have no fear of the reprocussions of their actions. I have many memories of being sent to my room to wait for my father "to deal with you". The memory of the punishments guided my actions as a teenager. I would stop to think "Am I going to get in trouble for this? What will my father do if he finds out?" This thought process began somewhere around 9-10 years old.

On the whole I do believe that I think less of parents who's children mis-behave. I do think that a child's behavoir is a direct reflection of what he/she has been taught by the grownups who raised him/her. I had to pay for a few broken items. My parents paid, and I had to do extra chores to earn the money from them. No allowance, no desserts, in my room except for school/church/chores. I certainly never had a computer, cell phone, TV/DVD combo in my room while I was sitting in there.
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Old 10-11-2006, 02:52 PM
 
Location: Colorado
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"I do think that a child's behavoir is a direct reflection of what he/she has been taught by the grownups who raised him/her."

See this I dont totally agreee with I think every situation in different, I dont teach my son to do these things, his friends are, my other kids dont and have never acted this way,I do believe some kids are just difficult and need more guidence, I cant do to him what I would like to!LOL for fear of csd coming in!!! So grounding it is.
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Old 10-11-2006, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Southern Ca but getting out soon
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I think their behavior definetly reflect on their parents. They are the ones raising them to be adults. If I don't like how someone is raising their kids, or not raising them which is usually the problem, it does effect how I think of the parents. People can raise their children how they want but I don't have to be friends with them. And if it is a really bad child I will not let my son play with him/her. I feel bad for the other child because it is not his fault but his parents, but at the same time I want my son to know that that is not acceptable behavior and he shouldn't be around it.
Yes, the parents should pay for damages their children did, if it was not an accident. If it was an accident they should offer to pay but are not obligated to do so. I know I would pay regardless.
Punishment for the parents, I don't know. I suppose so if it is something real serious. You would have to give me a senerio.
Now when the teenages years hit, I don't know. Not there yet so I can't really say. But I do hope that if I set good morals, values, rules, etc. now, that maybe I will be okay during those years.
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Old 10-11-2006, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Marion, IN
8,191 posts, read 27,480,684 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nea1 View Post
I dont teach my son to do these things, his friends are
If my parents did not like the way I was behaving and believed that a friend was the root of the behavoir I was no longer allowed to see that friend. Period. I was watched like a hawk, and a call went in to the school so that teachers did not allow me to sit with someone that my parents believed was a bad influence.

I think it is somewhat of a cop-out for parents to blame a child's friends.

There are other things besides grounding. Like teaching your child that the law says shelter, food, and clothing must be provided. That does not mean they are entitled to a computer, cell phone, $100 tennis shoes, etc. If the child sneaks out, call the law and have him brought back. Arrange to have him spend a day in jail to see if he likes it. Be pro-active, not reactive.

Last edited by Marka; 10-12-2006 at 12:40 AM.. Reason: repaired code
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Old 10-11-2006, 03:31 PM
 
Location: Colorado
10,017 posts, read 16,702,450 times
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It isnt a cop out it is a fact, and unfortunately alot of kids are like that even when they are perfect angels at home. My kids dont have cell phones or dvd players or video games or 100.00 tennis shoes, cant afford that, I didnt have them so why should they, and he sneaks out when I am asleep not awake trying to catch him, but we have put in a security system he spent the night in Juvy once when he snuck out and his step grandparent got him ( he is a cop) didnt seem to bother him. he is rebelling because I am stricter than alot of his friends parents, he has to be home by 6:30 on school nights whiles his friends can stay out till 10, they have fancy things, mine dont, they have money, he wants money he needs to get a job, his friends are high society type kids, we are normal middle class, he is rebelling like I did like my brother did and we turned out fine, he will too, I keep on him and I am pro active, thats why he is rebelling.
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Old 10-11-2006, 03:31 PM
 
Location: Southern Ca but getting out soon
892 posts, read 2,172,952 times
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I do believe peer presure has alot to do with some kids, especially age 12 & up. That is why I am getting my son out of California. I know unless I home school that I won't have much control over my kid/s in the teenage years. I will still try to keep him away from bad kids but I know that isn't always possible.
I think kids know right from wrong when they are taught it in most cases.
Again, I only have a 3 year old so I don't really know. On most things my son does know right from wrong. Just a minute ago while I was typing this my son was pulling on the dogs collar and choking him. Now he didn't know he was doing wrong(I hope), he thought he was making the dog make funny noises. He was sitting right behind me and he got in trouble for it so I guess now he knows that you don't choke dogs.
In some parents cases, they are just raising their children the way they were raised. I knew someone like that and she was just incapable of seeing how it was not good.
I didn't have a perfect childhood but I am able to step back and look at the big picture and change what needs to be changed.
for example; all my family on my moms side were told that you don't tell a child that they are beautiful, handsome, or smart because that will make them conceaded. Are you kidding me!! First off wrong, second I would rather my child be conceaded then them to have no self esteem like myself and everyone else in my family has. and none of them questioned this. They all just said "well we were raised that ......"
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Old 10-11-2006, 03:37 PM
 
Location: Colorado
10,017 posts, read 16,702,450 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lookingfortheperfectplace View Post
I do believe peer presure has alot to do with some kids, especially age 12 & up. That is why I am getting my son out of California. I know unless I home school that I won't have much control over my kid/s in the teenage years. I will still try to keep him away from bad kids but I know that isn't always possible.
I think kids know right from wrong when they are taught it in most cases.
Again, I only have a 3 year old so I don't really know. On most things my son does know right from wrong. Just a minute ago while I was typing this my son was pulling on the dogs collar and choking him. Now he didn't know he was doing wrong(I hope), he thought he was making the dog make funny noises. He was sitting right behind me and he got in trouble for it so I guess now he knows that you don't choke dogs.
In some parents cases, they are just raising their children the way they were raised. I knew someone like that and she was just incapable of seeing how it was not good.
I didn't have a perfect childhood but I am able to step back and look at the big picture and change what needs to be changed.
for example; all my family on my moms side were told that you don't tell a child that they are beautiful, handsome, or smart because that will make them conceaded. Are you kidding me!! First off wrong, second I would rather my child be conceaded then them to have no self esteem like myself and everyone else in my family has. and none of them questioned this. They all just said "well we were raised that ......"


Peer pressure is harder now than when I was in school, I know that much and countering it can be hard. Not to tell your kids the are smart and beautiful!!!! I tell mine that every day, even the one that I have problems with. I always tell him is he smarter than the way he acts and he should be proud of his abilities and not act like he doesnt care and throw them away. I will get through to him. And you are right it is impossible to watch them 24-7 I can tell some of his bad friends but I know there are ones I have never seen or heard of.
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Old 10-11-2006, 03:54 PM
 
Location: Southern Ca but getting out soon
892 posts, read 2,172,952 times
Reputation: 227
When I was in high school I lots of peer presure and I gave into to a few. Fortunatly i had an older sister that got into heavy drugs so I had that to look at and to stay away from. (she came to her senses after a year or so and is fine now) But I still smoked, drank, had sex, all from peer presure. But I didn't have parents that were that active. My mom was a stay at home Mom but she ignored us. I would ditch school, they say don't do it, I would ditch again and they would say nothing. My sister used to sneak out of the window and a few times they got her back in the house, but by time it was my turn to sneak out, I just went out the front door. No disipline what so ever.
So, I am raising my children the exact opposite as I was raised.
I was at the playground a few months back and this 4 year old came up to my then 2 year old and asked him what brand shoes his were. It is starting young here. I do dress my son is nice clothes (not with designer labels all over them except for some Quicksilver brand) and he gets nice shoes but only because I believe in quality, not labels and image.
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