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Old 06-15-2013, 03:14 PM
 
12,913 posts, read 19,787,452 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
What are you afraid of? That she might get MAD at you? Who is the parent in this scenario? Children EARN trust. They are not ENTITLED to it.

20yrsinBranson
My kids earned my trust long before they were given their own computers.
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Old 06-15-2013, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,080 posts, read 3,062,520 times
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I wouldn't feel the need to spy on a 16-year-old without cause. Checking up on things occasionally? Yes. Snooping if it is warranted? Absolutely. But just spying for the sake of spying? Did someone on here really say that a 16-year-old needs to be supervised by a babysitter after school? Come on now.

Open lines of communication will go a lot farther than putting a keystroke recorder on her computer. She can always user her phone or a friend's phone to contact people that a parent has deemed off-limits. If you really don't trust your 16-year-old, then you have bigger fish to fry than scrutinizing her computer habits will help out with. If she has done something to lose your trust (and by 16, teens should have earned a lot of parental trust... certainly enough to be left alone, even with computer access, for a few hours after school), then by all means, take the Internet access with you when you leave the house (and take her smartphone, too, if she has one). But if not, then I'm afraid this sounds really hover-y and paranoid.
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Old 06-15-2013, 03:30 PM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
1,390 posts, read 2,316,147 times
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Have you checked the computer history to see if there is any reason to proceed further?
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Old 06-15-2013, 06:11 PM
 
1,058 posts, read 1,707,062 times
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Do you have open and honest conversations with your 16 year old? I have found that works far better than any spyware ever would
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Old 06-15-2013, 07:29 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,527 posts, read 29,233,815 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
My kids earned my trust long before they were given their own computers.
and so it should be.

20yrsinbranson
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Old 06-15-2013, 08:22 PM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
15,569 posts, read 9,642,463 times
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My Sons are grown now, and although we have unconditional love for them and trust them a lot, we need to also be vigilant 100% of the time. So many parents get blindsided when their child is found to be on drugs or is thinking about suicide...........they are the ones who say "I never suspected anything !" While there are no absolutes when raising a child there are signs you have to pick up on and if your gut tells you something it is probably true.

As for kids having rights, as long as they are living under your roof, eating your food, wearing clothes you bought, and asking you to borrow money and the family car, they are expected to do as you wish. We all like to be good parents, but there are outside influences today that our kids face and we need to be on top of it like never before.

My Sons knew I loved them more than life itself, and that I trusted them. But the times when they violated that trust there were consequences and they knew Dad was not happy. They thank me today for being the strict Dad I was.

Don
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Old 06-16-2013, 12:14 AM
 
Location: San Marcos, TX
2,572 posts, read 6,260,665 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
My kids earned my trust long before they were given their own computers.
Same here.

Also, the relationship I have with my older two is so different from the one I had with my mother when I was a teen it's like night and day. My parents would have been the parents saying "I had no idea!" and "I never suspected a thing!" because they were seriously out of touch and there was a huge parent-child disconnect when I was a teen. It has been nothing like that with me and my older two, we have very open relationships and lots and lots of honest communication and I've never had any reason to "spy".
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Old 06-16-2013, 01:06 AM
 
3,464 posts, read 4,299,109 times
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I had/have a close and great relationship with my Son as I was a single Dad.
But, you cannot circumvent kids being kids. All kids do bad stuff. To what degree is left to be determined . . . Outside influences are strong, persuasive stuff. I wasnt going to take any chances.
I put a keylogger on our computer and glad I did. It helped me be proactive about a few undesirable situations he might have gotten himself into. I never told him, he still doesnt know. He was spared following through on some bad decisions by my intervention. It is not the Leave it to Beaver era anymore. I feel parents who rely on the "trust and open relationship" principal are missing more than they think they are. If not, isnt it great that you know for sure?
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Old 06-16-2013, 01:34 AM
 
Location: central Oregon
1,856 posts, read 2,025,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thunderkat59 View Post
I had/have a close and great relationship with my Son as I was a single Dad.
But, you cannot circumvent kids being kids. All kids do bad stuff. To what degree is left to be determined . . . Outside influences are strong, persuasive stuff. I wasnt going to take any chances.
I put a keylogger on our computer and glad I did. It helped me be proactive about a few undesirable situations he might have gotten himself into. I never told him, he still doesnt know. He was spared following through on some bad decisions by my intervention. It is not the Leave it to Beaver era anymore. I feel parents who rely on the "trust and open relationship" principal are missing more than they think they are. If not, isnt it great that you know for sure?
It sure is!

My son was 14 when he got online. I trusted him and never monitored his computer use, although the computer was in the living room area.
We talked constantly and I knew when he was having online issues and we talked about them and dealt with them as they came up.
He never did anything wrong or bad online.
He probably looked at/still looks at porn, but that never bothered me... he's male.

I also never once snooped through his bedroom. He never gave me pause to do so.

And to 20yrsinBranson... if a 16 year old girl needs adult supervision at all times then that 16 year old has more problems than just needing a babysitter.

Sure, times have changed, but at 16 I was the babysitter doing weekend long jobs. I was out from under Mommy's thumb at age 7.

I guess this age of technology is making our children too immature to handle life without constant adult supervision until the age of 18. Poor dears.
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Old 06-16-2013, 04:53 AM
 
885 posts, read 1,527,752 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tulani View Post
I guess this age of technology is making our children too immature to handle life without constant adult supervision until the age of 18. Poor dears.
It isn't making them too immature, it's making them incredibly more accountable for their actions, because all of their actions are recorded and videos/pictures are taken of their actions.

It also makes it easier for less desirable people to get in touch with your kids. This is where you need to monitor because it is an actual safety issue.
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