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This morning, my daughter forgot to sign out of facebook. So when I got on the computer and open up facebook webpage, I saw there was a message from her martial arts instructor.
I was wondering if it was anything of urgency such as schedule for class or something. I open it up and saw that it was a regular conversation.
By a quick skim, I eventually learned that they talk regularly, like one to three times a week. She would ask him a lot of questions about Buddhist, talk about guys she like, ask him for advice on how to take care of injures, about places he have been to, and other things.
It don't seems like anything more is going on beside them just having a conversation. But I have to admit I'm a bit worried.
The instructor is in late 20s or early 30s and a good looking fit man. He often work with my daughter and other people in the gym. My daughter seems to be really into him and always trying hard to impress him.
As far as what I see, I don't really see the instructor doing anything to be alarmed about. However the fact them talking a lot on facebook is somewhat worrying me.
Am I just worrying too much? Do any other parents have teenager kids who regularly talk with a adult? If so how do it turn out?
Hmm. I do think it's important for teens to have someone that they trust to talk to, other than their parents. I have been that person for a couple of teenagers, and I hope that when my kids are that age, they have good relationships with other responsible adults. It's good for teens to have good role models and for them to be able to ask sensitive questions that, like it or not, they don't want to ask their parents. This is a martial arts instructor, and it would seem as though the teacher might be a good choice if he's an upstanding, trustworthy guy... which you haven't said anything to the contrary of.
There is the problem of him being a guy, though. Not because he might have ulterior motives, but because your daughter is young and hormonal and, let's face it, teenage girls want to impress just about any guy, particularly any older guy, who walks by. There is the very real possibility that he's just being a good older friend/mentor, and that she's taking it to mean more than that. Or maybe not! It could absolutely be innocent on both ends. The truth is that you probably won't be able to tell.
I would probably try to steer her toward a female confidante, if possible. Also, how's her relationship with her dad? Maybe she's looking for a good male role model, if her father isn't around/doesn't see her often/doesn't have a good relationship with her?
Just from what you've said, it doesn't sound like she's in any actual danger, but she might be putting too many feelings into this relationship, platonic as it may be. I think that men and women can be platonic friends, but when it's a teen and an adult, there can be that sexual tension that just makes it not exactly appropriate, even if it's not inappropriate, if that makes any sense.
If it were a complete stranger to you, that would be a red flag. However being that this is her martial arts instructor, he is in a mentor position to begin with. Unless you have suspicions that some other reasoning is behind him talking to her, I would say he is just being a good mentor. From what you have said I might check in every once in a while, but it doesn't seem like theres anything to worry about.
Unless or until the martial arts instructor does something inappropriate...I would not interfere with the conversations. A wholesome mentor in your teens life can only be a good thing. My son has a teacher (single older guy) that he talks to regularly. He has gone to his house for pizza a couple times, helped mow his yard, etc... many of the teens at the school turn to this teacher for emotional support and help. I do keep in touch with this teacher so he knows I am aware of his and my son's interactions.
Perhaps you could send the instructor a message on FB thanking him for mentoring your daughter. It lets the instructor know that you are aware that your daughter is talking to him.
Are there any red flags that you have felt from him or are you just nervous because it's your teen daughter and an adult man talking? (That will wring warning bells with most of us parents of teen girls, but it doesn't always mean the worst thing is bound to happen.)
Perhaps you could send the instructor a message on FB thanking him for mentoring your daughter. It lets the instructor know that you are aware that your daughter is talking to him.
This morning, my daughter forgot to sign out of facebook. So when I got on the computer and open up facebook webpage, I saw there was a message from her martial arts instructor.
I was wondering if it was anything of urgency such as schedule for class or something. I open it up and saw that it was a regular conversation.
By a quick skim, I eventually learned that they talk regularly, like one to three times a week. She would ask him a lot of questions about Buddhist, talk about guys she like, ask him for advice on how to take care of injures, about places he have been to, and other things.
It don't seems like anything more is going on beside them just having a conversation. But I have to admit I'm a bit worried.
The instructor is in late 20s or early 30s and a good looking fit man. He often work with my daughter and other people in the gym. My daughter seems to be really into him and always trying hard to impress him.
As far as what I see, I don't really see the instructor doing anything to be alarmed about. However the fact them talking a lot on facebook is somewhat worrying me.
Am I just worrying too much? Do any other parents have teenager kids who regularly talk with a adult? If so how do it turn out?
You didn't say how old she is. If she's 18 and he's 26, then that's not so creepy. If she's younger, or he's older, then it gradually gets creepier and creepier. Regardless, it is not normal for her to talk to an adult over facebook in such a conversational way. It is definitely inappropriate on his part and unprofessional. Unless she is actually old enough to date him, I'd put a stop to that immediately - probably by letting him know it's inappropriate instead of her. She'll just rebel, most likely. He's the one who will know it's not right and maybe worry about his job.
Perhaps you could send the instructor a message on FB thanking him for mentoring your daughter. It lets the instructor know that you are aware that your daughter is talking to him.
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I think you should definitely do this.
While the overwhelming majority of men are not pedophiles, the truth is that pedophiles seek out roles where they will have regular contact with children (school, scouts, camp counselor, etc). They do this because this provides them with a hunting ground for vulnerable victims. They then subtly begin grooming them, and this usually begins with innocuous conversation.
While odds are that he is not a sexual predator, nothing you have shared in this thread convinces me that he is not one.
And I realize that it is terrible that normal men end up feeling questioned about their involvement with children due to the fact that pedophiles have put so many parents on alert.
You didn't say how old she is. If she's 18 and he's 26, then that's not so creepy. If she's younger, or he's older, then it gradually gets creepier and creepier. Regardless, it is not normal for her to talk to an adult over facebook in such a conversational way. It is definitely inappropriate on his part and unprofessional. Unless she is actually old enough to date him, I'd put a stop to that immediately - probably by letting him know it's inappropriate instead of her. She'll just rebel, most likely. He's the one who will know it's not right and maybe worry about his job.
Actually the OP did give the ages. The daughter is 15, the instructor is late 20's to early 30's. It appears once again, any contact men have with teenage girls will be considered suspect. You don't even know who initiated the contact, yet you blame the man.
If the OP was truly concerned, the person she needs to address it with is her daughter. According to what she has written, neither of them has exchanged any suspect information.
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