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Old 06-26-2013, 05:46 AM
 
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My husband claims im softening my son because i kiss and hug him all the time. He is defiantly a mamas boy but hes only 3 isnt he suppose to be? I let him sleep with us am I doing to much. Hes my only child.
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Old 06-26-2013, 05:49 AM
 
2,612 posts, read 4,586,684 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by quakerchick View Post
My husband claims im softening my son because i kiss and hug him all the time. He is defiantly a mamas boy but hes only 3 isnt he suppose to be? I let him sleep with us am I doing to much. Hes my only child.
Hug him while you can. They grow up so fast. My son is 4 and just started sleeping in his own bed. I didn't make him - he just decided to do it all on his own. I don't think it matters that much what you do - at some point they just don't want to be hugged that much and you can't go back. Just enjoy it while you can.
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Old 06-26-2013, 06:08 AM
 
Location: TX
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I would say it's the amount of things you do that will make a child "too soft", rather than the kind of things you do. I wouldn't advise co-sleeping in any case, personally, but I can admit it's more a precautionary thing than a definite "This is a mistake!" warning. As for being too affectionate, most of the warnings I've heard about it (which were all directed at other parents) are related to teaching self-discipline, whether regarding behavior or feelings. So it's also a matter of when you are "too affectionate"; that is, in response to what? Showering a kid with affection when they do something you want to praise is probably just fine if not a great idea. As for bad behavior or behavior you want to stop, you have to be more careful. I'm not mean or anything to my son when he's whining, but I don't go into "Awww, poor baby" mode too often (He's 3, BTW). I try to just use really positive, upbeat language and say things like "What's goin' on, kiddo? Did you lose the toy under the couch? Let's get it!" Works fine. Affection for affection's sake should be either rare or short-lived. So I would suggest being "too affectionate" in moderation, if that makes any sense, lol.
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Old 06-26-2013, 06:19 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,014 posts, read 37,656,456 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0 View Post
I would say it's the amount of things you do that will make a child "too soft", rather than the kind of things you do.
I disagree.

Showing affection is different from establishing bad habits.

Hugging and kissing him? Fine.

Not letting him do simple things for himself? Makes him a mama's boy.

Regardless of how anyone feels about co-sleeping, I read your "let him sleep with us" comment as a sign that you "let him" do a lot of things he may need to be transitioning out of.

Is he potty-trained? Does he still use a pacifier, sippy cup or bottle? Can he play for extended periods of time without demanding you play with him?
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Old 06-26-2013, 06:35 AM
 
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If you aren't hugging and kissing all over your little ones and telling them how much you love them every single day, you both are missing out. They'll let you know when enough it enough, it's usually the first day they go to the bus stop. They will start to shoo you away soon enough, take advantage now!
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Old 06-26-2013, 06:40 AM
 
Location: TX
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0 View Post
I would say it's the amount of things you do that will make a child "too soft", rather than the kind of things you do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I disagree.

Showing affection is different from establishing bad habits.

Hugging and kissing him? Fine.

Not letting him do simple things for himself? Makes him a mama's boy.
Our disagreement is in the wording. I didn't consider never letting him do "simple things for himself" as one kind of thing. I considered it various kinds, but I can see why you would interpret it differently.

Not letting him do any or most simple things for himself = makes him a mama's boy.
Not letting him do a certain and specific simple thing for himself = makes him incompetent in that specific skill.
Not letting him do a very miniscule percentage of simple things for himself = makes little difference.

No one instance of doing something for a child that he/she can do for him/herself will make a kid too soft. And I also think that even hugging and kissing too often (like, almost all day) would be a mistake, no matter how competent and well-behaved they are while they're getting all the affection. Sooner or later, the affection won't be there for them, and it will be a drastic change from what they've grown accustomed to. That's just not what you want to put your child through. They should learn to be independent emotionally as well as physically/mentally. It's all the more reason to "baby" your kid in moderation, so they'll know you're there for them in general (in various ways) but you won't be there to do it all for them, so they'd better be prepared to take charge of any situation, whether it requires physical effort, mental effort, or efforts at regulating their own emotions.
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Old 06-26-2013, 06:48 AM
 
1,168 posts, read 1,587,368 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0 View Post
Our disagreement is in the wording. I didn't consider never letting him do "simple things for himself" as one kind of thing. I considered it various kinds, but I can see why you would interpret it differently.

Not letting him do any or most simple things for himself = makes him a mama's boy.
Not letting him do a certain and specific simple thing for himself = makes him incompetent in that specific skill.
Not letting him do a very miniscule percentage of simple things for himself = makes little difference.

No one instance of doing something for a child that he/she can do for him/herself will make a kid too soft. And I also think that even hugging and kissing too often (like, almost all day) would be a mistake, no matter how competent and well-behaved they are while they're getting all the affection. Sooner or later, the affection won't be there for them, and it will be a drastic change from what they've grown accustomed to. That's just not what you want to put your child through. They should learn to be independent emotionally as well as physically/mentally. It's all the more reason to "baby" your kid in moderation, so they'll know you're there for them in general (in various ways) but you won't be there to do it all for them, so they'd better be prepared to take charge of any situation, whether it requires physical effort, mental effort, or efforts at regulating their own emotions.
The OP said their kid was 3, you may be overthinking it a bit. At 3, a heavy dose of affection isn't going to make them a mama's boy. Dad is allowed to be affectionate too after all for that matter.
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Old 06-26-2013, 06:54 AM
 
Location: TX
6,009 posts, read 4,943,552 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintCabbage View Post
The OP said their kid was 3, you may be overthinking it a bit. At 3, a heavy dose of affection isn't going to make them a mama's boy. Dad is allowed to be affectionate too after all for that matter.
The post you quoted specifically said that one instance of babying a kid is not going to ruin them. So I don't see why you directed that at me. Or, if by "a heavy dose of affection", you meant a lot of affection (almost all day, which were my words) on a regular basis, I'd have to disagree with that. If I were to start just showering my kid with affection almost all day every day, he most certainly would come to depend on it.
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Old 06-26-2013, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Kansas
19,189 posts, read 14,057,966 times
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I'm wondering if there isn't more to the story. Is the child getting contact with other peers his age, playmates or spending all the time with the mother. Plus, I wonder if the father is OK with the co-sleeping. I know of a mother that was this way and the child had a horrible transition to starting school. Smothering a child with "affection" can have as devastating results as neglecting them. I just think there is more going on.
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Old 06-26-2013, 11:34 AM
 
122 posts, read 241,079 times
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He goes to preschool for 2 1/2 hrs he is potty trained and listens when i tell him. However my husband feel he is not tough and doesnt play fight with him and rather sit under me. I am fine with it i know at a certain age he will pull away. My husband doesnt want in our bed.
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