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I know this is a sticky topic, but there is a thread in another forum about a woman who recently found out that her mother knew about/tolerated her father's sexual abuse during her childhood. This about does my head in, though I know its more common than people want to think about. I would imagine that the parent who looks the other way has also been abused at some point, or is currently being abused by the predatory parent. But really, HOW does this happen? Where is the basic humanity that can't stand by and watch a child suffer? Where is the protective instinct?
There seems to be a lot of very involved parents on this thread. What would you do if you found out something like this? Do you have any experience with people who do this sort of thing? Can anyone explain this to me?
The reasons for just standing by and doing nothing are complex and multiple. I think drug abuse is often an issue, at least based upon what I read in my local paper. I would guess economic security, or a lack of, often comes into play. A cycle of abuse against oneself and one's children is difficult to break be it emotional, physical or sexual abuse.
Basic humanity is beaten out of them with pain and fear.
This is not always the case. I have a relative who was molested by another relative, and the victim's grandma suspected it was happening but did nothing. She wasn't afraid of the ninety-year-old abuser.
I know this is a sticky topic, but there is a thread in another forum about a woman who recently found out that her mother knew about/tolerated her father's sexual abuse during her childhood. This about does my head in, though I know its more common than people want to think about. I would imagine that the parent who looks the other way has also been abused at some point, or is currently being abused by the predatory parent. But really, HOW does this happen? Where is the basic humanity that can't stand by and watch a child suffer? Where is the protective instinct?
There seems to be a lot of very involved parents on this thread. What would you do if you found out something like this? Do you have any experience with people who do this sort of thing? Can anyone explain this to me?
What would I do? There is a good chance I'd end up in jail for the reaction I'd have.
I love my husband, but I would stop at nothing to protect my child.
I would walk away from my spouse, my home, my state, my entire life to ensure his safety.
But I must add, thankfully I have never had to be faced with the decision, and although some other stories I hear horrify me, I do not know what it's like to walk in their shoes so I try very hard not to judge without knowing all of the circumstances.
...although some other stories I hear horrify me, I do not know what it's like to walk in their shoes so I try very hard not to judge without knowing all of the circumstances.
While I understand this point of view, there are some circumstances that are so harmful and irreversible (like immanent death) that require people to set aside all victimhood, squeamishness, cowardice, personal security or relationship to rectify. Child sexual abuse is one of those things, most especially for those in a care taking role. I stand by No Excuses.
Basic humanity is beaten out of them with pain and fear.
Not always. I have known plenty of people who were not beaten or treated bad by their partners who still turned the other way when their spouse systematically singled out one or both of their kids. It is completely insane.
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