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You need to start out really young - "We DON'T hit!" Loud and firm. They'll get the message eventually. It's a big mistake to laugh.
Some friends of ours had such a toddler - a little hellion. They never corrected him. They had an odd way of "smacking" his fingers when he hit people or threw things - they'd grab his hand, but "smack" their own. It was a nightmare to have him at our house. His mom warned us, "He's into breaking things." Then he started hitting my daughter, not only with his fists, but with toys, which really hurt. He hit her in the face once with a toy truck. Granted, she was quite a bit older than he was, and let it go because he was only little. I tried saying, "We don't HIT in our house", butwith mom and dad laughing at his cutebehavior or doing their weird non-contact hand smack, it didn't do any good. Finally, my daughter had enough and asked me, "Can I hit him back?" I said yes, but not too hard. She did cuff him, lightly, and you could have heard his screams on the moon.
He ended up being kicked out of preschool for hitting kids with chairs.
And his parents were probably shocked and blamed the school for their son's poor behavior.
They said his behavior was due to "food allergies". Granted, he was allergic to corn, gluten, and a couple of other things, but his mom and dad were very "permissive" parents and lax with discipline, causing his bad behavior to get out of hand, in my opinion. His dad thought it was funny to let him punch and kick him and his mother was really lax with the discipline...I just would NOT put up with him hitting my daughter. My two girls never hit us or anyone else. This little boy hit me ONCE and I grabbed his hands in my fist and said, "You do NOT hit me!!!!" really loud, with a nasty face up close to his. It didn't hurt him, but it really scared him. He started to wail. If he did the punching and kicking thing to his parents in MY house, I always told him, "We do NOT hit in this house." We pretty much drifted apart from these friends...sad, but we just couldn't stand their kid.
He used to hit himself, too, when he wouldn't get his way, or most of the time, bang his head on the wall. He had a black and blue mark or a goose egg on his forehead almost every time I saw him. DH thought he was brain damaged because of it.
Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 07-02-2013 at 05:04 AM..
They said his behavior was due to "food allergies". Granted, he was allergic to corn, gluten, and a couple of other things, but his mom and dad were very "permissive" parents and lax with discipline, causing his bad behavior to get out of hand, in my opinion. His dad thought it was funny to let him punch and kick him and his mother was really lax with the discipline...I just would NOT put up with him hitting my daughter. My two girls never hit us or anyone else. This little boy hit me ONCE and I grabbed his hands in my fist and said, "You do NOT hit me!!!!" really loud, with a nasty face up close to his. It didn't hurt him, but it really scared him. He started to wail. If he did the punching and kicking thing to his parents in MY house, I always told him, "We do NOT hit in this house." We pretty much drifted apart from these friends...sad, but we just couldn't stand their kid.
He used to hit himself, too, when he wouldn't get his way, or most of the time, bang his head on the wall. He had a black and blue mark or a goose egg on his forehead almost every time I saw him. DH thought he was brain damaged because of it.
Serious food allergies and sensitivities CAN cause behavior like this. While it does sound like the parents were extremely lax on discipline it may also be that they were embarrassed in front of their friends. Honestly it sounds like there was a lot more going on with this child and they probably could have used your support. I'm not saying you need to put up with him hitting your child but as a parent with a child with issues (non aggressive ones thank goodness) it is painful when parents with typical kids think that a little extra discipline is all that's missing when really it's so much more complicated than that. Again I'm not sure if that's the case here but the behavior you're talking about isn't usually caused just by poor discipline.
Serious food allergies and sensitivities CAN cause behavior like this. While it does sound like the parents were extremely lax on discipline it may also be that they were embarrassed in front of their friends. Honestly it sounds like there was a lot more going on with this child and they probably could have used your support. I'm not saying you need to put up with him hitting your child but as a parent with a child with issues (non aggressive ones thank goodness) it is painful when parents with typical kids think that a little extra discipline is all that's missing when really it's so much more complicated than that. Again I'm not sure if that's the case here but the behavior you're talking about isn't usually caused just by poor discipline.
In hindsight, you're absolutely right. We have much more knowledge about food allergies/additives now than we did in the 90's (when we knew him) as well as mental health/behavioral issues with young children. The boy, many years later, was also diagnosed with ADHD and medicated for it. Throwing things and hitting other kids (and his parents) carried through into Kindergarten and elementary school even with psychiatric intervention, medication and diet modificatons. I don't know how he's doing now, because the parents are now divorced and he moved to California.
Woudl he have behaved differently (not as severely) if his parents HAd administered some discipline when this behavior started as a toddler, nipped it in the bud? It's impossible to know.
My daughter used to have a problem "hitting me" toddler age... It was corrected with popping her hand and asking her if she liked being hit. She hit another girl twice her size once because she had slipped in the pool and thought the other girl pushed her. I apologized profusely and the other girl's mom laughed it off. But I immediately took my little one out and corrected her.
But what is the deal with parents who take their 10 year olds to events for 5 and under and let them bully toddlers unchecked or with minimal interference? This happens all the time. Like why are you at the moon bounce or goat farm with kids that can barely walk to begin with? Let alone picking on babies. That really gets my goat.
I have had "big" kids take toys from my little girl or cut in front of her in line and I will walk right up take it right back tell them not to touch it or her and hand it right to her or tell them where they belong in line and fix the situation. And if any parent has a problem with their little bully being bullied we can throw down. But more often than not it's some nanny not paying attention. Either way too many adults think it's "cute."
I will teach my children that attacks and bullying are wrong. I'm not going to fight the battles all their life but we're talking about 3rd graders picking on kids in pampers. If they're going to be dragged into fights I will teach them to win.
Who sit there, don't correct them, but instead laugh it off. Yes, I know a 2 year old does not know any better, I have one lol, who likes to swat at me and my husband when she's really PO'd, BUT we correct her. Luckily, she has never done this with other children and is very friendly and outgoing. I witnessed a little boy, who was acting quite wild while his mom sat there smiling, hit another kid not once but 2x across the face. Her reaction was to walk over smiling and what looked like laughing, and then sit him on her lap. Don't correct him, tell the other child you are sorry or his parent, just be really giddy about it. I've seen similar stuff like this happen at the playground too, mainly the older kids doing stuff like this to younger ones, and many times, the parents stand there and don't say boo. Am I missing something here?
I don't think it's funny or cute.
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. Yes, I know a 2 year old does not know any better, I have one lol, who likes to swat at me and my husband when she's really PO'd, BUT we correct her. Luckily, she has never done this with other children and is very friendly and outgoing. I witnessed a little boy, who was acting quite wild while his mom sat there smiling, hit another kid not once but 2x across the face. Her reaction was to walk over smiling and what looked like laughing, and then sit him on her lap. Don't correct him, tell the other child you are sorry or his parent, just be really giddy about it. I've seen similar stuff like this happen at the playground too, mainly the older kids doing stuff like this to younger ones, and many times, the parents stand there and don't say boo. Am I missing something here?
