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I have a toddler who I get once a week. I never really had a lot of "cool" toys growing up no GI Joes or Transformers. I don't make a lot of money. We don't live in the best area. But one of my greatest joys is just going online and looking for things for my little one that might be fun and buying them. She has more toys than you can shake a stick at.
It's to the point almost weekly she has a new "present" waiting.
Most of these are educational in nature and some are as simple as coloring books. Others are more extravagant. I spend far more on the child than I do on myself.
A relative's birthday recently came up and there was a box. She thought it was for her. I told her it was not for her but for the relative. She got upset and re-iterated that it was for her.
Yesterday, I found myself binge-toy shopping again. I spent way too much money (some was on stuff for me but I can never just buy myself something without buying 2 or 3 things for her. It finally occurred to me that maybe I put these things in the closet until Christmas.
What do you think? Is my overgifting hurting my child? Most of the gifts are books and educational DVD's etc. Some toys like Legos. But is it irresponsible of me or am I just giving my child what I never had? What are your thoughts on gifts for kids and is there a tipping "TOO MUCH" point? Because she's my greatest joy and I love to spoil her and give her all the learning advantages I can.
It's pretty normal for a toddler to think that a gift would be for her. Kids are pretty self-focused in that age group.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to give your D books and to give her educational types of toys. I think the issue though is that she will come to "expect" a gift every time you see her. If she lived with you full-time would you be giving her gifts weekly?
Why not make an activity of looking through the older stuff with her? I'm sure at that age she's forgotten about some of the coloring books, etc.
I doubt her thinking the present was for her was anything to do with you buying gifts for her every week, just normal toddler expectations as rrah pointed out but I do think its not a good idea to buy her a gift every week. You don't want to set her up to expect a gift every week, especially as she gets older and the things she likes will likely get more expensive. Try saving the gift for christmas/birthday, I know its hard, if I see something that I think my daughter will like then I buy it and want to give it to her straight away but I think its better to make gift giving more of a special occasion thing (maybe with the odd gift now and then 'just because')
I have overgifted my kids. It's had one very bad cascading effect - we have so much flipping stuff that it overwhelms our lives and I spend all my time trying to conquer the mess and we don't do near enough fun things together. I try to conquer it and a little internal voice says "BUT THEY NEED THEIR COLOR PADDLES AND MAGNIFYING GLASS AND RHYTHM STICKS AND DRUMS AND DRESS UP CLOTHES AND DOLLS AND TRUCKS AND...." ad nauseum. So that is an area I struggle with. Too, my son is becoming more and more materialistic and wants more and more. Luckily, my daughter has escaped the consumerism that has taken over my son - and this is without watching all the fabulous toy commercials too. :/ They see Qubo now and then so some pretty boring commercials but that is it. And yet he always thinks he needs more.
Perhaps you can think of more activities that you can do together with your daughter. Going to the library every other week (or once a month) and check out new books together and then read those books together at home.
Libraries also have many books about free, fun activities and crafts do with young children. Perhaps you can go online to look for activities to do with your child or free coloring sheets to print out . I know that you probably really miss your child but constantly looking for more toys to buy won't ease your pain.
Even simple things like going to a fruit stand and buying fruit and making fruit salad at home for lunch can be an exciting experience for pre-schoolers. Or packing a lunch and going to park for a picnic and then to play on the equipment would be a wonderful idea.
Too many toys is a problem for many children. Think of it this way, If you spend $10 on books or small toys and $10 at McDonald's a week after a year that is $1,040. Perhaps, you could save up that money and put it towards training for you to get a better job or to move to a better neighborhood or even for a college fund for your child.
Do you want your child to think of you only as the "Gift Daddy" ? I don't know about your situation but I have seen far too many families where the "Fun, Weekend Daddy" takes their child to Chuckie Cheese (or an expensive restaurant) every week and buys lots of expensive gifts and toys while the mother is struggling to pay for basic necessitates, like shoes or haircuts, for the children. It is really very sad.
Good luck to you. BTW Kids of all ages love to play with big empty boxes. Think about that for next week.
Last edited by germaine2626; 07-08-2013 at 10:22 AM..
Perhaps you can think of more activities that you can do together with your daughter. Going to the library every other week (or once a month) and check out new books together and then read those books together at home.
Libraries also have many books about free, fun activities and crafts do with young children. Perhaps you can go online to look for activities to do with your child or free coloring sheets to print out . I know that you probably really miss your child but constantly looking for more toys to buy won't ease your pain.
Even simple things like going to a fruit stand and buying fruit and making fruit salad at home for lunch can be an exciting experience for pre-schoolers. Or packing a lunch and going to park for a picnic and then to play on the equipment would be a wonderful idea.
I love this comment. The library is such a cool place as a kid, and it teaches responsibility and how awesome sharing is. Getting your kids to like crafts is also a really good suggestion. Once they start making instead of just consuming they'll be hooked! Plus it teaches good life skills about wanting to make things instead of just wathing TV.
I'd say that you should try scaling back on the number of toys, and focus instead on which ones are really valuable. Like MobiusStrip said, you don't want to end up with a house overflowing with old toys!
In your own words you "spent way too much" and were "binge buying." That means it is too much. rarely did iI ever buy my kids toys for no reason. It was almost always for Christmas or birthday. You risk spoiling the child, and most of that stuff will sit unused or underused. I think money is better spent on a trip to the museum or zoo.
In your own words you "spent way too much" and were "binge buying." That means it is too much. rarely did iI ever buy my kids toys for no reason. It was almost always for Christmas or birthday. You risk spoiling the child, and most of that stuff will sit unused or underused. I think money is better spent on a trip to the museum or zoo.
Be sure to check on yearly memberships. Our local art museum's annual membership is the same as only going twice in one year. They have special free activities for children every weekend. Our zoo has special summer memberships that are very, very reasonable. However, sometimes the parking fees can add up so check on free street parking or riding the bus to the zoo or museum or other activities.
Check out local festivals, free or inexpensive school plays or concerts, county fairs or church/temple/mosque activities.
I see no problem at this age of "overgifting" a toddler. You only see her once a week and having something fun around the house that she hasn't seen before is a great way to bond.
You'll know when you've overgifted her because she won't be appreciative of the item or she'll be whiny or something, and you'll adjust.
But at this age, for a kid you only see once a week, I see no issue with having new things around the house each time she visits. It'll make coming to your house exciting and an interesting experience.
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I try to conquer it and a little internal voice says "BUT THEY NEED THEIR COLOR PADDLES AND MAGNIFYING GLASS AND RHYTHM STICKS AND DRUMS AND DRESS UP CLOTHES AND DOLLS AND TRUCKS AND...." ad nauseum. So that is an area I struggle with. Too, my son is becoming more and more materialistic and wants more and more. Luckily, my daughter has escaped the consumerism that has taken over my son - and this is without watching all the fabulous toy commercials too. :/ They see Qubo now and then so some pretty boring commercials but that is it. And yet he always thinks he needs more.
