Surviving the Terrible Two's...Help! (teaching, baby, parents, girls)

[5FLgirls]

Originally Posted by sean98125

1-2-3 Magic: Parenting Solutions using Positive Discipline from Dr. Thomas Phelan

We've had luck with this with our 2 1/2 year old. (It may not work for everyone.) The basic idea is to count them for unacceptable or obnoxious behavior. When you get to three, they get a time out. After the time out is over, just put the incident behind you and move on. Don't force them to apologize. (The time out isn't a punishment. It's a way to try to "reboot" them, more or less.)

Hitting in our house is an immediate, no-counting time out.

It took a week or two for our daughter to get it, but now we rarely get past 2 before she decides that she doesn't want a time out.

You have to be willing to do the time out everywhere and anywhere. I've taken her kicking and screaming out of the grocery store to sit in the car for a couple of minutes - but that was a few months ago and she doesn't test us in the store any more.

It also helps to give them something else to do. They are getting attention and a reaction from you when they are pushing your buttons. Instead of yelling, "No!", you can divert their attention. We keep some favorite toys out of their reach that we pull out for these circumstances. So when she's underfoot in the kitchen and driving us crazy, we don't have to get mad at her. We just say, "Hey, do you want to play with play-do?" or something like that. And she loves to be given little tasks while we're cooking, even if it is just a "busy" task. Some of the things that I have her do to "help" are to divide some sliced vegetables into to piles, or to sit at the table and make a menu for dinner or placemats with her crayons, or to put the silverware from the dishwasher away.

We also use a timer to limit activities. There's something about the timer that takes the decision out of mom and dad's hands for them. "Sorry, sweetie, but the timer went off. We're done reading and it's time to go to bed".

I read this post and immediately thought of my daughter four years ago. I had an infant and a 22-mos old and read this book and followed it to the letter. It really worked and I still use it today. And you're right, it doesn't work with all children. It does not work with my 2.5 yo. I've tried everything. This week, I've given up. I posted the thread "Not Want To Be Around Own Child" last month and I see my daughter in many of the posts. Although I love her so much and can appreciate her free-spirit and strong-will--I am officially drained from her right now. One of the posters told me to stop having kids (I have 4) and I was pretty offended because there's nothing wrong with having kids -- they all go through stages and my 2.5 yo is just going though a stage (for 2.5 years!)

[max's mama]

Hi!

First of all, I want to say that on some days, I could have written this post.
I have a spirited bright intense very active 2 1/2 year old boy. He is one heck of a challenge I tell ya, but he makes me so happy, I feel so blessed to be his mother. Let me tell you something about spirited children that you and I don't fully appreciate right now. Those children are usually easier on their parents in late teens-early adult years. Spirited children cannot be led by anyone, not by us, but also not by their peers. They are independent thinkers and don't easily succumb to peer pressure.

There is nothing wrong with your son, from what I'm reading, he is just a very active bright toddler who is extremely curious about his environment, but I know it can drive you off the wall.

Sometimes I feel like a fraud giving advice about parenting, since I also have days that are better then others, but I can only speak from my experience on what helps.

First of all, you need to really figure out the limits and boundaries for your child. You and your husband need to figure out exactly what behaviour bothers you. For example: your son might be climbing the coffee table, it doesn't really bother you, but you take him off because "he shouldn't be" on it. Or it really DOES bother you. You should not allow him to do anything that you feel is disrespectful towards your feelings, not because a book tells you that's it's not right. For example, I can't imagine that hitting might not bother you and I'm sure it does, so this something needs to be worked on.

Once you figure out the limits and boundaries, you need consistency to stick to them. PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE. You need to be relentless in terms of getting your point across that he may not do it. For example, my DS never hit, but he did have a habit of pinching and pulling hair. I would catch his hand mid-air EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. and keep repeating: "you may not pinch mama, you may not pinch mama, gentle touch, gentle touch" and demonstrate the gentle touch. This habit is gradually dissapearing.

Now, let me introduce you to 5 STEP TOOL. I found out about it from Pastor Crystal Lutton, the author of Biblical Parenting. I'm not sure what your religion is, but even if it's not Christianity, I think this parenting is made of gold. It's one of very few Christian books who condemns spanking and physical punishment. This 5 step works very effectively for me and many other moms I know.

For example: your son opened refrigerator and looks thru the contents. It drives you mad.

Step one: You need to close the fridge.
Wait for few seconds and see, he might do it.

Step two: get his attention, look him in the eyes and say it calmly but firmly:
LISTEN TO MY WORDS, (make sure he is looking at you), you need to close the fridge. The fridge is cold and food gets spoiled. If the food gets spoiled, you will not eat.

If he doesn't stop proceed with:

Step three: "I see you are having a hard time closing the fridge, do you need me to help you close it or you will do it yourself?"
Wait and give him the opportunity to do it himself.

If he doesn't stop proceed with:

Step four: Removing him from the fridge and closing the door.

Step five. BEAR HUG. Most likely he will be protesting and crying. Most likely he will throw a fit. Get behind him and cross your arms over his shoulders and his chest. If you need to hold his hands, do it. This position relaxes his body and then you whisper to him in his ear that you did what you did because xyz.

5 Step Tools doesn't work with all children, but it does work with most. It takes time and practice, but after a while you will start skipping steps, because your child will already learn: YOU MEAN BUSINESS.

I'm a huge fan of "Time-ins". What it is basically is the opposite of time-out. When my child is stressed and angry and upset, when he doesn't listen and misbehave, I always look for a reason first. Did he not get enough sleep? Is he tired? Is he hungry? Is he just looking to get my attention?...or he is just wired up and looking to push my buttons? All those reasons to me are not the reasons to separate my child from me and create distance. In my house we have a "peace/comfort" corner. Basically it's corner with pillows and some stuffed animals. Sometimes when I feel desperate for him to calm down and re-charge, I remove him from situations and put him in the "peace" corner, But I'm always next to him. I tell him that even though he is driving me crazy, I still love him and he needs to sit there until he comes down. I don't watch the clock. The clock/timer will not tell me when my child is calm enough to resume, only my child can.

Also, what really made a difference with my son is when I stopped taking parenting too seriously and got down on his level and started playing. I know we all busy, we all have to clean, cook dinner and etc...But this time is so valuable. When he is difficult, make him and yourself laugh. Ease the tension, get down and make a connection thru play.

I recommend to read few books that I love:

Kids Are Worth It! by Barbara Coloroso
Biblical Parenting by Crystal Lutton
Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen
How to Talk to Kids so They Listen and How To Listen So Kids Talk.

I had noticed major improvement in my son for the past 6 months, who knows, some people say: you think 2 is hard? Wait till he is 3 or 4. I can only speak for what works for our family.
Good luck and hugs!!!

Step

[keeperk]

My grandbaby of whom I've had since birth is 2 years and 5 months now. I'd say up until 2 years and 4.5 months he was a terror! He's like a switch with everything always. He's gone from that child I dreaded picking up and bringing home to the one I miss while I'm at work. He still has his spells, but much less often and shorter spruts.

[cynwldkat]

I can remember so well my mother saying that the worst age for her with my sisters and myself were a little past one but not quite two. I guess it's different for each child and parent. I found those ages, birth to 4 years old the most fun. Of course my kids wore me out but I loved seeing them learn so fast and watching that curiousity. They are just so amazing and their little brains are in full speed ahead. I was fortunate to be a stay at home mom so I spent lots of time outdoors with them. My two children were only 15 months apart in age so they were both in those ages at basically the same time. Enjoy this time while you can because in the blink of an eye they will be all grown up!!

[nicolepsy]

sounds like you have your hands full! but 2-1/2 year olds are generally a handful. i would say to let him take things out of cabinet (since you cant lock them) and show him how to put back also. he is just exploring with things. when it comes to screaming and behavior like that maybe you could just ignore it so he doesnt learn that screaming get hims what he wants. he sounds very spirited! maybe he needs more down time (naps, quiet activities). maybe he needs more activites in general, i dont know. dont give him any sugar or juice and see if that helps at all. sounds like he is just high strung for some reason (could be hyperactive but probably just a typical 2 year old that needs some routine changes). good luck and YES it gets better!

[ElkHunter]

The terrible twos are a farce. We create it. That's just the time that they are experiencing the world. Enjoy it, live with it. That's just the time that they really experience thing. But live with it, enjoy it. Become envoled with it. They need you now. They need you to explain things, to nuture them to be their mother or father. They don't need to experience those things and be alone. They need help during this time. Be mom.

[shanthivee]

Originally Posted by movingtohouston

My 2.5 son is an absolute terror. He has learned to climb onto the kitchen counters, entertainment center. He climbs into the sink to "wash" his feet or fill his cup. He turns on the diswasher, opens the stove to use the door for a ladder, you name it he does it. He has also lovingly learned how to work the vcr, dvd player and radios. So forget watching anything remotely grown up during the day. He can pry the childproof locks off the video tape and book cabinet. Can carry chairs to wherever it is he can't reach. He has also learned how to talk back and say no and generally give his opinion on all matters which is the exact opposite of what you want him to do.

Oh and here is the biggie he can open the front door and let himself out of the house. We are buying a chain for the front door this weekend.

Needless to say I am ready for him to turn 3 or 4 because I am totally exhausted at the end of the day.

Now that I have totally scared you it does get better. My 10 and 11 yr old were this way and it wears off pretty quick. I have found that if you take them outside as much as you can it will wear them out and they can't be quite the terror they normally are. It is a stage and they do outgrow it. Good luck. It does get better I promise.

You may already know this...
Watch out for your son using the oven door as a ladder.
My husband was concerned after watching a news magazine story... There are several children who did the oven ladder thing while boiling water was on the stove, and the whole stove tipped forward. Apparently there are supposed to be safety "feet" installed at the front of the oven to prevent tipping, but most delivery installers don't bother installing them unless specifically asked! Not trying to freak you out here... just offering a little knowledge towards an ounce of prevention.
I wish you the patience of Buddha and extra-energy-to-spare with your active toddler. Mine just turned two-- the world as we knew it has turned sideways, and that is how I landed on this message board!

[Bob The Builder]

We have three little boys. 1,3 and 5 now. Part of the problem, if any, can be nature and part can be nurture.

1 Limit sugar intake including juices

2 Limit his clothing choices

3 Make sure he is getting enough rest

4 Is he constipated?

5 Is he hungry?

6 Is he bored?

7 Do not yell or hit or scold. It will only give him ideas to torture you back. (My wife taught my 5 year old every line he uses).

Good luck

[regarese]

Everybody has given you good tips, but here's a couple extra that have especially helped me with my daughter in the kitchen. Do you have the space that you can give your son a cabinet that is just for him. There is one in our kitchen that has all the plastic bowls in it that she knows she can play with. If you don't want him playing with your things maybe you can put some of his toys in there. Our daughter also LOVES to help empty the dishwasher. It is the best thing ever since I'm pregnant now and hate bending any more than I have to. LOL. After I take all of the silverware out, she takes out each piece one by one and hands it to me to put away. That makes her feel like such a big girl. Maybe your son can help with something like that.

And I think they do make magnetic locks for the cabinets that are attached with double sided tape, not screwed in so that may be a solution for your rental issue.

Good luck!!

[gentlearts]

Everyone has good advise. I'll just add that if you say something..mean it. Always follow through with consequences if you threaten them. If you don't get the pecking order straight when the kids are little, you'll be in the deep weeds later.