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How is a parent who works the same hours a child is in school and at afterschool activities in anyway deprived of "daily guidance"? Oh wait, they are not.
The average school age child is in school and at activities for 8 1/2 hours a day. One parent goes in earlier, one comes home earlier, then there is literally no difference in the amount of time spent with the child AND the child gets the benefit of another 40K in income.
Even if you ignore the FACT that research has found tons of benefits for children of middle class children of working parents, you really should be able to do the math that there is no difference in the hours of time spent with the child for many working parent families.
There is a difference. There is a lot that can/needs to be done. My wife was endlessly busy. She was up first thing and helped get all the kids and me ready. I would drive the older kids to school on my way to work and then she took the younger ones (at times to three different schools). She usually volunteered in a classroom or in some other way related to the school for an hour or two. She did something pretty much every day in one or more of the schools/classrooms. Reading to the class, helping with music, chaperoning field trips, picking up supplies, . . . Or she would go home and do something with a younger kid (before they were all in school). Keep in mind they are only in school full tme at age 6 or 7. Further, with several kids, the leave and come home at different times. She had maybe two hours to do housework or work on the budget, meet contractors, drop off dry cleaning, groceries, etc. Sometimes she woudl bring whatever kids were home and meet me for lunch. By 2 p.m. it was time to start picking kids up. Generally, she had fifteen minutes to half an hour before she had to head out to pick up the next kid or kids. She got them all home around 3 p.m. and started them on homework/projects after making them a snack. By the time homework and projects were done, she would start dinner. There might be time in there for laundry, or a little more cleaning or organizing, but it was tight. Sometimes there were performances, awards ceremonies, speeches and other events to attend. There was no sitting around. She rarely had time to squeeze in half an hour nap, even when she was pregnant (which was a lot of the time). With a kid spread (for us a seven year spread), you will have some home, some in pre-school, some in kindergarten, some in elementary school and maybe even jr high or high school. They all start and end at different times. We have not yet had a time with no kids home for 8.5 hours in over 21 years. In two years we will have that because we will have only one left in school. Then there is the very important early development time in which is is pretty important to have a parent home. Sure kids get by with no one home, but it is not better, not even equivalent. When both parents work, the family is making a sacrifice for finances. For some it is worth it, for some not. For a few families, it is even necessary.
The participation in the schools is important. Sure you can leave other parents to do that for you and work if you must, but that stuff needs to get done. With one kid if you stagger schedules and take turns taking time off to attend events, you can come close to being there at the necessary times, but with multiple kids - no. You are going to miss things and they are going to miss you. It is necessary for some people to both work, but it is not the same as staying home, do not get confused about that. It is a decision each family must make and there is no particular right or wrong decision for every family. Is it better to have mom home in the early years and not be able to go to college? It is certainly not better if mom (or dad) stays home and goes crazy or develops mental problems. It just depends. Tryng to stick a one size fits all label on what is right, wrong, sensible, better, ect for every single family is just silly. Every family is different.
The participation in the schools is important. Sure you can leave other parents to do that for you and work if you must, but that stuff needs to get done. With one kid if you stagger schedules and take turns taking time off to attend events, you can come close to being there at the necessary times, but with multiple kids - no. You are going to miss things and they are going to miss you. It is necessary for some people to both work, but it is not the same as staying home, do not get confused about that. It is a decision each family must make and there is no particular right or wrong decision for every family. Is it better to have mom home in the early years and not be able to go to college? It is certainly not better if mom (or dad) stays home and goes crazy or develops mental problems. It just depends. Tryng to stick a one size fits all label on what is right, wrong, sensible, better, ect for every single family is just silly. Every family is different.
I don't understand this. Let other parents do what exactly? Are you meaning public schools, private schools, or both?
I don't understand the second bolded statement either. Do you mean for the child not to go to college? Sorry for peppering with all the questions.
There is a difference. There is a lot that can/needs to be done. My wife was endlessly busy. She was up first thing and helped get all the kids and me ready. I would drive the older kids to school on my way to work and then she took the younger ones (at times to three different schools). She usually volunteered in a classroom or in some other way related to the school for an hour or two. She did something pretty much every day in one or more of the schools/classrooms. Reading to the class, helping with music, chaperoning field trips, picking up supplies, . . . Or she would go home and do something with a younger kid (before they were all in school). Keep in mind they are only in school full tme at age 6 or 7. Further, with several kids, the leave and come home at different times. She had maybe two hours to do housework or work on the budget, meet contractors, drop off dry cleaning, groceries, etc. Sometimes she woudl bring whatever kids were home and meet me for lunch. By 2 p.m. it was time to start picking kids up. Generally, she had fifteen minutes to half an hour before she had to head out to pick up the next kid or kids. She got them all home around 3 p.m. and started them on homework/projects after making them a snack. By the time homework and projects were done, she would start dinner. There might be time in there for laundry, or a little more cleaning or organizing, but it was tight. Sometimes there were performances, awards ceremonies, speeches and other events to attend. There was no sitting around. She rarely had time to squeeze in half an hour nap, even when she was pregnant (which was a lot of the time). With a kid spread (for us a seven year spread), you will have some home, some in pre-school, some in kindergarten, some in elementary school and maybe even jr high or high school. They all start and end at different times. We have not yet had a time with no kids home for 8.5 hours in over 21 years. In two years we will have that because we will have only one left in school. Then there is the very important early development time in which is is pretty important to have a parent home. Sure kids get by with no one home, but it is not better, not even equivalent. When both parents work, the family is making a sacrifice for finances. For some it is worth it, for some not. For a few families, it is even necessary.
The participation in the schools is important. Sure you can leave other parents to do that for you and work if you must, but that stuff needs to get done. With one kid if you stagger schedules and take turns taking time off to attend events, you can come close to being there at the necessary times, but with multiple kids - no. You are going to miss things and they are going to miss you. It is necessary for some people to both work, but it is not the same as staying home, do not get confused about that. It is a decision each family must make and there is no particular right or wrong decision for every family. Is it better to have mom home in the early years and not be able to go to college? It is certainly not better if mom (or dad) stays home and goes crazy or develops mental problems. It just depends. Tryng to stick a one size fits all label on what is right, wrong, sensible, better, ect for every single family is just silly. Every family is different.
One of the advantages to continuing to work when the kids are young, is that you are well established in your job by the time they are in school, and should have plenty of PTO to take when things come up. If I were still at the job I had when my kids were born, I'd have more PTO than I could take. I could probably take an hour off to volunteer every week with no problem at all. Since I stayed home for 5 years, I am now starting over and have to be very selective with my time off. Fortunately my husband's schedule is somewhat flexible, so we make it work.
I'm just pointing out that there are obvious advantages and disadvantages to whatever a family chooses to do. Moderator Cut
Last edited by Jaded; 07-17-2013 at 03:06 AM..
Reason: Argumentative
Oh Geez. Some people work because they have to, need to, want to. Some people stay home because they have to, need to, want to. There's no right or wrong, better or worse, it's just different, and what works for each individual family.
As for summer camps, they are a nice option for older children of working parents. Many kids of SAH parents attend camp too.
I don't understand this. Let other parents do what exactly? Are you meaning public schools, private schools, or both?
I don't understand the second bolded statement either. Do you mean for the child not to go to college? Sorry for peppering with all the questions.
Both public schools and private schools rely on parental support. Some require parental contributions of time. Parents do lots of different things, chaperone or drive for field trips, sometimes help in the library, read to kids, act as classroom assistants, get supplies, clean up the grounds, repair the playground, direct drop off and pick up traffic, I cannot remember what all else, since I was not the one "staying at home" (funny term since she was rarely able to be home). A school principal can probably tell you more what things they rely on parents for. Or a parent who is in connection with their kids school like a PTO president or something. It was surprising to me to learn how dependent many (all?) schools are on parent help. When you are not involved with it, you do not realize how much the parents make the school function. Many people just think you pay your taxes and that pays for all the things that need doing at the schools, but it is not like that.
Both public schools and private schools rely on parental support. Some require parental contributions of time. Parents do lots of different things, chaperone or drive for field trips, sometimes help in the library, read to kids, act as classroom assistants, get supplies, clean up the grounds, repair the playground, direct drop off and pick up traffic, I cannot remember what all else, since I was not the one "staying at home" (funny term since she was rarely able to be home). A school principal can probably tell you more what things they rely on parents for. Or a parent who is in connection with their kids school like a PTO president or something. It was surprising to me to learn how dependent many (all?) schools are on parent help. When you are not involved with it, you do not realize how much the parents make the school function. Many people just think you pay your taxes and that pays for all the things that need doing at the schools, but it is not like that.
Hypothetically I wouldn't like the idea of other parents working in the classroom with my kid. I don't want to pay 20-30k/year for a school that uses volunteers who are neither experienced, educated, or who have not had a full criminal background check to even be on school grounds for significant amounts of time to work with the children. That's something I was not expecting as far as private schools go, so it's definitely something I will look into when the time comes. Thanks for the heads up.
Both public schools and private schools rely on parental support. Some require parental contributions of time. Parents do lots of different things, chaperone or drive for field trips, sometimes help in the library, read to kids, act as classroom assistants, get supplies, clean up the grounds, repair the playground, direct drop off and pick up traffic, I cannot remember what all else, since I was not the one "staying at home" (funny term since she was rarely able to be home). A school principal can probably tell you more what things they rely on parents for. Or a parent who is in connection with their kids school like a PTO president or something. It was surprising to me to learn how dependent many (all?) schools are on parent help. When you are not involved with it, you do not realize how much the parents make the school function. Many people just think you pay your taxes and that pays for all the things that need doing at the schools, but it is not like that.
Just wanted to add that you, your wife, and other SAHPs are also fortunate that you have working parents out their earning to pay those tax dollars for the schools that your children enjoy (if you utilize public schools). So, in that light it's a two way street of giving. That's not a bad thing.
Just wanted to add that you, your wife, and other SAHPs are also fortunate that you have working parents out their earning to pay those tax dollars for the schools that your children enjoy (if you utilize public schools). So, in that light it's a two way street of giving. That's not a bad thing.
there is no need to try to turn this into one is better than the other. I was responding to the post that indicated that there is basically no reason to stay home gone 8 hours a day that is simply not the case there is a lot that needs to be done and is it necessary to stay at home parents do that stuff because the both working parents cannot do it. doesn't make one better than the other simply mean day at home parents are necessary
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