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Like I said , I expect to be addressed in a polite and respectful way and to me calling me Dearie, Sweetheart and Honey are lacking in respect and way too familiar for my taste. Obviously others disagree. That's fine. That's what makes the world go round and makes CD so interesting. And yes I usually mean what I say.
My father was born in 1915 and things are very different today than they were so many decades ago. i wouldn't say he was a formal man but he had strict ideas about proper behavior. I don't think I ever saw the man in his undershirt unless he was getting dressed. He never came to the table in his undershirt, that I do know. And I don't think I ever saw him bare chested around the house or yard either. We had to have cloth napkins (paper napkins weren't even invented when I was a girl I don't think) and my mother had to serve a green salad with lunch and dinner. He was just that kind of man.
Like I said , I expect to be addressed in a polite and respectful way and to me calling me Dearie, Sweetheart and Honey are lacking in respect and way too familiar for my taste. Obviously others disagree. That's fine. That's what makes the world go round and makes CD so interesting. And yes I usually mean what I say.
Instead of being so hung up on how you think people should address you, maybe you should listen to their tone, body language and the rest of their words to determine whether or not they are actually being disrespectful.
Just because you prefer "ma'am" doesn't mean everyone has to cater to you. As a matter of fact, the POLITE thing to do is to not call attention to people who clearly mean well.
The reason this thread won't die is because many of those who like "sir/maam" refuse to acknowledge people can be, and frequently are, perfectly polite and well mannered without it.
I think what bugs me about the people who keep insisting that "It's just good manners to use 'sir' or 'ma'am'" is that they aren't understanding that it's only good manners if that is the CUSTOM in which you are raised. There is nothing inherently in and of itself special about those terms. They are considered good manners only because somewhere along the way, it became a custom in a certain time and place to use those terms as a sign of respect.
To those of us who don't use them because it wasn't a custom where we lived, why on earth would we have ever thought to do so? It would be the same if you were Japanese and became annoyed that Americans aren't showing good manners if you came to our country and we didn't bow. How would someone know that this is expected?
It's a custom, for some people. And if it's the custom where you live, it's probably a really good idea to raise your children to know that, but you can't get bunched up if you go somewhere that the custom doesn't exist and complain that people aren't doing what you do back home.
As a sidebar to the "offensive" take, my daughter speaks Mandarin and spent a semester in China. I was asking her to teach me some basic phrases, one of them being "thank you". You'd think that's a nice, polite phrase that everyone would use everywhere, right? Well, she told me that you don't say "thank you" in China as much as you do here. It's actually rude. You only say it if someone has gone out of their way to do something special for you. Bringing you food, giving you directions--they are examples of everyday things for which you should not say thank you to a Chinese person, because you are implying that they would ordinarily not do those things, and that's an insult.
I think what bugs me about the people who keep insisting that "It's just good manners to use 'sir' or 'ma'am'" is that they aren't understanding that it's only good manners if that is the CUSTOM in which you are raised. There is nothing inherently in and of itself special about those terms. They are considered good manners only because somewhere along the way, it became a custom in a certain time and place to use those terms as a sign of respect.
To those of us who don't use them because it wasn't a custom where we lived, why on earth would we have ever thought to do so? It would be the same if you were Japanese and became annoyed that Americans aren't showing good manners if you came to our country and we didn't bow. How would someone know that this is expected?
It's a custom, for some people. And if it's the custom where you live, it's probably a really good idea to raise your children to know that, but you can't get bunched up if you go somewhere that the custom doesn't exist and complain that people aren't doing what you do back home.
As a sidebar to the "offensive" take, my daughter speaks Mandarin and spent a semester in China. I was asking her to teach me some basic phrases, one of them being "thank you". You'd think that's a nice, polite phrase that everyone would use everywhere, right? Well, she told me that you don't say "thank you" in China as much as you do here. It's actually rude. You only say it if someone has gone out of their way to do something special for you. Bringing you food, giving you directions--they are examples of everyday things for which you should not say thank you to a Chinese person, because you are implying that they would ordinarily not do those things, and that's an insult.
I think what bugs me about the people who keep insisting that "It's just good manners to use 'sir' or 'ma'am'" is that they aren't understanding that it's only good manners if that is the CUSTOM in which you are raised. There is nothing inherently in and of itself special about those terms. They are considered good manners only because somewhere along the way, it became a custom in a certain time and place to use those terms as a sign of respect.
To those of us who don't use them because it wasn't a custom where we lived, why on earth would we have ever thought to do so? It would be the same if you were Japanese and became annoyed that Americans aren't showing good manners if you came to our country and we didn't bow. How would someone know that this is expected?
It's a custom, for some people. And if it's the custom where you live, it's probably a really good idea to raise your children to know that, but you can't get bunched up if you go somewhere that the custom doesn't exist and complain that people aren't doing what you do back home.
As a sidebar to the "offensive" take, my daughter speaks Mandarin and spent a semester in China. I was asking her to teach me some basic phrases, one of them being "thank you". You'd think that's a nice, polite phrase that everyone would use everywhere, right? Well, she told me that you don't say "thank you" in China as much as you do here. It's actually rude. You only say it if someone has gone out of their way to do something special for you. Bringing you food, giving you directions--they are examples of everyday things for which you should not say thank you to a Chinese person, because you are implying that they would ordinarily not do those things, and that's an insult.
Wow....did not know THAT! LOL Thanks for sharing, MQ. How interesting! It makes sense though, I guess. You should do as expected and not expect to be thanked for doing so. If everyone in the crowd is doing so, that's Eutopia, right?
Why can't those who say they do not teach their kids to say sir or ma'am resist tossing a pejorative "robotic kids" or Eddie Haskell comment?
I think they are trying to convince themselves they did a good job as a parent. Imo, it's pathetic to think a child saying yes, sir or yes, ma'am sounds robotic.
I think what bugs me about the people who keep insisting that "It's just good manners to use 'sir' or 'ma'am'" is that they aren't understanding that it's only good manners if that is the CUSTOM in which you are raised. There is nothing inherently in and of itself special about those terms. They are considered good manners only because somewhere along the way, it became a custom in a certain time and place to use those terms as a sign of respect.
To those of us who don't use them because it wasn't a custom where we lived, why on earth would we have ever thought to do so? It would be the same if you were Japanese and became annoyed that Americans aren't showing good manners if you came to our country and we didn't bow. How would someone know that this is expected?
It's a custom, for some people. And if it's the custom where you live, it's probably a really good idea to raise your children to know that, but you can't get bunched up if you go somewhere that the custom doesn't exist and complain that people aren't doing what you do back home.
As a sidebar to the "offensive" take, my daughter speaks Mandarin and spent a semester in China. I was asking her to teach me some basic phrases, one of them being "thank you". You'd think that's a nice, polite phrase that everyone would use everywhere, right? Well, she told me that you don't say "thank you" in China as much as you do here. It's actually rude. You only say it if someone has gone out of their way to do something special for you. Bringing you food, giving you directions--they are examples of everyday things for which you should not say thank you to a Chinese person, because you are implying that they would ordinarily not do those things, and that's an insult.
Thats very interesting. Its amazing how different cultures can be when it comes to manners and etiquette.
Thats very interesting. Its amazing how different cultures can be when it comes to manners and etiquette.
That's why I find my own way of being polite.
There are so many cultures, sets of manners, etc, who is to say what is right and what is wrong or if there is a right and wrong way for manners, as long as they are manners.
I'm a lot different than everyone else around here but I still am one of the nicest people you'll find.
I have a very to the point way of asking things and have been asked to page differently over the PA.
I say "I need sales assistance at register #"
And was asked to say "Can I get sales assistance at register #?" Which is actually as my grandmother pointed out to me improper grammar and not the correct way. So I went back to what I was using. I'm not going to sound grammatically in correct.
This is very amusing to me. I had no idea there were still parents who insist their children call them and other adults 'sir" and "ma'am". Growing up as far back as the 1960's, no one in our neighborhood taught kids to do that.
My father held a professional position and I did observe him at work using "sir" and "ma'am" when he addressed some people who called him on the phone. He used the terms more rarely, it seemed, when he met people in person, but occasionally he would use them in that context too.
I have never particularly liked being called Mr. (last name). I prefer being called by my first name even by my clients, colleagues, and even my employees. However, I have a thing about growing old (don't like it) and it sort of helps me maintain the illusion that I'm young.
I occasionally address older clients by "sir" and "ma'am", but I've noticed even many people in their 70's and 80's aren't particularly comfortable with those terms. Maybe its a regional thing. Its not a popular form of address here in the Rocky Mountain States.
All the adults at work are Ms./Mrs./Mr. if they hold a manager title.
I can see Mrs/Mr but it seems like everyone on the front end is ms or miss so and so. I've told another cashier to not call me miss.
I just use people's names.
I am an adult too, this isn't kindergarten where all my teachers are ms.kelly and ms.sarah and ms.jessica.
I address people like other adults since I am one too.
Since I work with mostly kids (16-18) I feel like I am back in high school and I try to not let people think I'm not in their level since I'm not a child.
One cashier asked can I go to the bathroom and our direct supervisor did the whole can you? thing till she changed what she said to may I go to the bathroom?
I don't play that game, I'm not a kid or succumbing to some sort of mother may I power trip.
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Thanks for sharing, MQ. How interesting! It makes sense though, I guess. You should do as expected and not expect to be thanked for doing so. If everyone in the crowd is doing so, that's Eutopia, right? 
