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whether they want to leave or what food they want?
Full disclosure: I am not a parent. Let's get this out of the way. So of course I must be clueless, right? Because all parents become child-rearing sages once their spawn arrives.
This occurs often with me: I am sitting in a cafe and a mother is asking her two-year-old what muffin or other food s/he wants. I actually saw a child burst into tears over it. It's too overwhelming to foist that sort of independence on a toddler or preschool kid. They crave parental boundaries/control. But so many parents are afraid of saying no or afraid of imposing their will on the child that they resort to this tactic, which I find destructive. At some point, the child will want stuff that the parent won't allow and then the shizzle will hit the fan.
A similar thing I see is asking the todder/preschooler if they want to leave the cafe. Great--give your child the idea that s/he calls the shot. Sounds like a recipe for success...
A similar thing I see is asking the todder/preschooler if they want to leave the cafe.
Asking the child if they want to leave or not is about giving your children a choice. "Please be quiet and you'll leave the store." It empowers the children to pick between a good option (being quiet) and a bad option (leaving the store). You clearly only ask your child this question if you already know the answer, which is they would rather be quiet than leave the store. If they actually want to leave the store, you don't ask.
Quote:
a mother is asking her two-year-old what muffin or other food s/he wants. I actually saw a child burst into tears over it. It's too overwhelming to foist that sort of independence on a toddler or preschool kid.
Two year olds know exactly what kind of food they like and what kind of food they don't like, and as considerate parents, we want our kids to get the kind of food they actually want to eat. They're very interested in the flavors of the kind of food and do have opinions about what they'd like to eat. In my opinion, the bursting into tears is not frustration that they can't decide, but frustration that they can't communicate what their opinion is or they want another choice that is not offered (chocolate brownie) and don't know how to relay that emotion. Two year olds struggle with emotions and being able to communicate their emotions to others.
whether they want to leave or what food they want?
Full disclosure: I am not a parent. Let's get this out of the way. So of course I must be clueless, right? Because all parents become child-rearing sages once their spawn arrives.
This occurs often with me: I am sitting in a cafe and a mother is asking her two-year-old what muffin or other food s/he wants. I actually saw a child burst into tears over it. It's too overwhelming to foist that sort of independence on a toddler or preschool kid. They crave parental boundaries/control. But so many parents are afraid of saying no or afraid of imposing their will on the child that they resort to this tactic, which I find destructive. At some point, the child will want stuff that the parent won't allow and then the shizzle will hit the fan.
A similar thing I see is asking the todder/preschooler if they want to leave the cafe. Great--give your child the idea that s/he calls the shot. Sounds like a recipe for success...
Nice adversarial post.
But I'll bite - do YOU like it when you get no say in what you eat? Some days kids want muffins and some days they want bacon. Just like everyone else.
It would be a useful thing if people who use disparaging words like "spawn" to describe children were played a reel tape of their youth depicting every time some adult wanted to wring them by their bratty little throat. Chances are you could throw in more than a few such instances in their adult life as well.
As for choices, that is appropriate when the child is a bit older--say, 4 or 5. When a child is 2, don't you want to make sure to set his/her eating habits on a good path? So choosing what to feed your child is hardly Nazi Germany here. I do agree that with difficult kids, the choice between two of YOUR choices is a good strategy.
Child-free poster using the term SPAWN? Well, it comes from exposure to all these parents who think 'no' is abusive. The little dears are just lovely...
whether they want to leave or what food they want?
Full disclosure: I am not a parent. Let's get this out of the way. So of course I must be clueless, right? Because all parents become child-rearing sages once their spawn arrives.
This occurs often with me: I am sitting in a cafe and a mother is asking her two-year-old what muffin or other food s/he wants. I actually saw a child burst into tears over it. It's too overwhelming to foist that sort of independence on a toddler or preschool kid. They crave parental boundaries/control. But so many parents are afraid of saying no or afraid of imposing their will on the child that they resort to this tactic, which I find destructive. At some point, the child will want stuff that the parent won't allow and then the shizzle will hit the fan.
A similar thing I see is asking the todder/preschooler if they want to leave the cafe. Great--give your child the idea that s/he calls the shot. Sounds like a recipe for success...
My toddler has no problem deciding what he wants to eat. As a non-parent you wouldnt understand this since you dont know how the developmental process works, clearly. At breakfast I ask my 2.5 year old "what do you want to eat". He'll gladly say egg, apple, bananas, its up to him. He can also get in the fridge and get what he wants.
It would be a useful thing if people who use disparaging words like "spawn" to describe children were played a reel tape of their youth depicting every time some adult wanted to wring them by their bratty little throat. Chances are you could throw in more than a few such instances in their adult life as well.
Hey, I asked my mom if my brother and I ever threw fits in store, etc. and my mom said no. I just knew that she wouldn't play that.
My toddler has no problem deciding what he wants to eat. As a non-parent you wouldnt understand this since you dont know how the developmental process works, clearly. At breakfast I ask my 2.5 year old "what do you want to eat". He'll gladly say egg, apple, bananas, its up to him. He can also get in the fridge and get what he wants.
Actually I do know about what is developmentally appropriate since I have studied Early Childhood Education and am at student teaching level.
Just because you allow your toddler full reign of the fridge does NOT mean it's appropriate! I never said kids can't tell you what they want. I said is it WISE to allow them to call the shots at such a young age?
We have an obesity epidemic among kids these days. Perhaps this is one symptom of it--parents allowing their kids to eat whatever, whenever.
As for choices, that is appropriate when the child is a bit older--say, 4 or 5. When a child is 2, don't you want to make sure to set his/her eating habits on a good path? So choosing what to feed your child is hardly Nazi Germany here. I do agree that with difficult kids, the choice between two of YOUR choices is a good strategy.
Child-free poster using the term SPAWN? Well, it comes from exposure to all these parents who think 'no' is abusive. The little dears are just lovely...
Is it? Why don't you get back to us when you have your own spawn. And I know that's exactly what you expected us to say, but since you've clearly made up your mind as to how everybody should do it, then the only remedy is for you to experience a 2.5 year old first hand (on a permanent basis, not just for five minutes in a cafe) and see how you get on.
If you don't want your child to choose a muffin, then don't go to a bakery. Simple really. Nothing Nazi about it.
ETA - oh I just read your last post. Seeing as you're an expert, I gather there's no reasoning with you, because clearly you know best. Well cheers, and best of luck with that.
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