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If the child is a grown up, yes. Otherwise, it's the mother's job. She didn't have trouble finding him to open her legs to him, so it won't be a problem.
That kind of profanity is not needed.
Thing is that this kind of tone that directly and deliberately confronts certain opinion is truly needed because guys are faced with "bad" and "worse" as options when it comes to paternity testing. They are obliged to involve the mother's agreement, even if they are (automatically) placed as the father on the birth certificate. This is just like tying someone's hands and asking them to swim.
Guys who have reasonable doubts or who know of an affair for sure, those types will most probably walk away and demand the mother to prove that they are fathers instead. Husbands who know of their wife's affair would want the child tested and they don't plan to stay with her as a general rule, they'll be there just for the child support in case the child is their own because the relationship is generally going to be over anyways.
People refuse to accept the fact that cuckolds generally never suspect a thing or they had some doubts regarding certain behavior, but they never were aware of an affair for sure. Most such guys will be shamed to accept that they don't do the testing due to general attitudes displayed in this topic. This is how people get cuckolded as a general rule. They would be afraid to ask for mother's consent to do paternity test, so they never ask for it. If they asked for it, the relationship would be severely strained to say the least... not to mention the option that they demand the court-ordered paternity testing, that would be game over. And they will end up being kicked out of their wife's and children's lives because the mother gets custody by default anyways, over mere curiosity to have that test done.
This is exactly why you have anonymous paternity testing sites where they deliberately teach you how to ensure that no legal sanctions are possible against you and that your anonymity is ensured. This is why they even have paternity tests that don't involve taking mother's DNA samples, to execute this secret testing much easier. They make it very easy and straight-forward because they know that most people would be doing it for the first time and would be having lots of anxieties and hangups. They want to break that psychological barrier to ensure that as many people will be using their services which will be mutually beneficial.
Prices depend on types of tests and length of waiting for results and other things, of course. Generaly, results are there within a few days, which makes it great to re-test it if the test showed negative results and the guy wants to make sure before leaving the woman and the child.
There is really no reason to shame a guy who would do that. Just imagine that it's your son doing that test and finding out that he isn't the father of the newborn child that he anticipated so much. You'd be glad that he discovered it early on so that he can ditch that woman and the child and avoid all the potential misery.
Thank you for clearing that up. It changes the picture radically. Let the shock wear off; or if it has, ask yourself what difference does it make now? They were good-average parents: why bother? They did their best. They were bad-average parents: it won't make any difference. Besides, you're a big boy now.
Find your biological dad? That's the question i would focus on.
I think you misunderstood. The question is how the man should react.
Either way, I couldn't find my dad even if I wanted to. He's in another country. And family refuses to give me the truth about anything.
Last edited by TheHurricaneKid; 08-03-2013 at 03:38 PM..
Carry on as if nothing happened?
Confront the mother for adultery?
Keep the child out of the affair?
Should the man be allowed to walk out without being legally responsible? Cause that ain't how it works in many states.
One thing for sure, as a step-child I sure got treated differently than my half-sibling, even if the man knew what he was getting into. Is it fair for me to criticize my former legal guardian for this or is this behavior something to be expected?
If you are my husband's Father you treat the oldest child who is not your biologically as you treat the other 4 children who were born after you and their Mother got married.
Obviously not everyone is like that but a lot of men and women who go into relationships with children born from previous relationships are like that.
There is a major difference between finding out after the fact that the child you thought was biologically yours really is not and going into a step-parent relationship.
If someone is married and their spouse has an affair and they can prove the child is not their biologically I do not think they should have to pay child support after divorce.
As far as reactions go, can you really unlove a child you have loved and cared for as your own until you found out that child is not yours biologically? There are some than could walk away from it all but others could not walk away from it all.
The child's best interest is to be raised by it's biological parents. Sweeping things under the rug so 'baby doesn't get mad' is stupid. Who is more selfish? The cheating mom or the cuckold who won't put up with said cheating mother or the kid that's spawned from said cheating? If the courts cared anything about the child they would search for the biological father and not just take money from the latest guy the woman is sleeping with. Nobody has a perfect life. The mom didn't care about the child she just wants money from the guy and the courts back her up and justify it by saying 'it's for the best of the child'.
Who said anything about sweeping it under the rug or not telling the child?
You can tell the child but also tell them you still love them and will continue to be a parent to them.
And the "better to be raised by bio parents" thing is debatable, but even then that's about being raised by them from the start. Not AFTER they've already developed security and love with another set of parents. If that was the case, then it would always be better to take kids form their adoptive parents and send them to their bio parents, no matter how old they are or what the bio parents have to offer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nald
Sure. I already gave an argument and no woman replied. Here it is again. Imagine if I was your husband and I fathered a child on the side. The mother raised it but she passed away or she decided to leave the child to me. The child comes to your home and I suggest that it's in the child's best interest tot continue in whatever stable, loving home the child already knows. I was visiting my child secretly from time to time so I think the child should be in here with my siblings.
Imagine yourself with Arnold Schwarzenegger scenario and imagine that you found out that a 3-5 y/o kid walking around by your maid is your husband's son. You'll use all legal options that you have:
1. cast your husband away and possibly alienate him from your other children
2. cast that child away as well as the maid
You wouldn't say that your husband's little bastard deserves a stable, loving home. You'll throw that child on the street, regardless of the fact that the kid will be separated from his step-brothers and step-sisters. You won't care about the child's well-being, stop being a hypocrite. Now just imagine if you were cuckolded to raise that bastard child for those same years.
Let the saint on this forum cast the stone upon me. But I argue that you wouldn't raise that child either.
No I wouldn't throw the kid out on the street. But I'm not you. I'm a grown ass woman who can handle what I have to handle.
That child would see his siblings and not live in poverty. If I stayed with the husband, the child would continue to see him. Women have done that in the past. Grow up.
Yeah... man.... I'm shocked at some of the crazy woman hate I've been seeing........... shockingly so... I mean the forum trades off and goes back and forth, for a while there are more dumber women and then it swings the other way....
But good god.
I read some of this stuff here and my jaw hits the keyboard.... one guy said he'd leave his kid in a heartbeat if he found out it wasn't his... I mean maybe, I can see that, maybe if the kid is an infant, but some one that has bonded with you...
I for the life of me, can't understand some guy just straight out walking away.......just because they don't share the same DNA......
Its like they are so blinded and hurt by the infidelity that they can't see straight...
You're not understanding at all so listen and listen good. There is a difference between a man adopting a child and a man finding out the child isn't his. Do you know what that is? Choice. You know. The thing women fought for. You know what? Men like choice too. Why would a man leave a child after many years? When children are young they tend to have a similar appearance especially when they are born. The older they get, certain traits from both parents begin to develop.
The man takes note of this and gets a test and finds out it isn't his. All those years of loving and caring for a child he believed was his biological child. His woman lied. Another man slept with her and impregnated her and the mother was okay with this. She wanted the other man's genes and her current man's money. Period.
Women don't understand because they know for a fact the child they pushed out is their because it comes from their body. Going by the responses in this and other threads, women don't care who takes care of the child. As long as they aren't alone doing it. They pick a man to have a child and after that who cares what man takes care of it.
Nobody hates women, at least not me, but I'm not going to put up with nonsense and lying. The women seem to support the idea of a man caring for a child he thought was his even though it's not. As much as they say they think it's wrong the mother was a *****, they think the man should continue paying for the bastard child. Actions speak louder and according to them it's perfectly okay to cuckold a man as long as the child is fine.
Dude... how would you like me to say it so that you understand. I even said it where you quoted me.
PATERNITY TESTING AT BIRTH IS FINE. As long as the taxpayer isn't on the hook.... If I type it again, will that help???
And BTW, you never answered me in my direct question, would you, Nald, look a little girl in the eye and tell her you're not her dad, when for 10 yrs you and her both thought that, You gonna tell her, too bad you don't have my DNA, "see ya, and I hate to be ya"
I posed that to you before and you came back at me with some weak azz bull**** about fathers and mothers come and go.....
This means that you oppose more than half of paternity tests issued on courts because more than half of those whole procedures are covered by the taxpayers' money, since courts will cover the expenses of the MOTHER who does the paternity test.
You ask me about a scenario of a 10 y/o girl. I tell you - new generations shuold never even be there. I'd have no choice anyways if it happened to me. I WOULD HAVE NO CHOICE. State would not even let me walk away. On the other hand, 10 years is very questionable if it's too old or not by itself, and many folks would walk away. I told you earlier as well - many cuckolds actually don't live with their children. They were literally duped to be their meal ticket and then they got kicked out of their lives anyways.
You don't want to accept that. You never thought of that. It's because you don't care.
Costs for routine paternity testing after childbirth within hospitals would significantly decrease their total costs anyways. If insurance covered it, it would be negligible. Lots of tests are done that affect the child far, far less often, yet those tests are more expensive as well. Done under insurance coverage. Pregnancy costs are enormous anyways and yet state mandates the insurance companies to cover preganncy is almost all things involved.
But the thing is that annual costs of court procedures related to disputed paternity are higher than the potential costs of testing of about ~3,5 million newborn children each year.
Who said anything about sweeping it under the rug or not telling the child?
You can tell the child but also tell them you still love them and will continue to be a parent to them.
And the "better to be raised by bio parents" thing is debatable, but even then that's about being raised by them from the start. Not AFTER they've already developed security and love with another set of parents. If that was the case, then it would always be better to take kids form their adoptive parents and send them to their bio parents, no matter how old they are or what the bio parents have to offer.
It's been proven not only in the animal kingdom, but in human beings that men prefer and treat better children that are their own. The topic is about what the man should do. The child is at the mercy of adults. That's why children can't consent to a lot of things nor can they legally smoke, drink, or view pornography. Adoption is not the same as cuckolding. Why won't you people understand that? One is a choice. The other is a lie. I still may love them, but I'm not caring for them. I'm going to tell the child EVERYTHING that happened. Complete honesty.
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