I actually find it disturbing how (over) protective some parents get with their daughters (BF, teens)
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THe guys do not just randomly show up at the house and ask to take out the daughter. They express interest to the daughter and she says, well you have to meet my dad first.
Why? Dads have experience. Young girls do not. They are excited some guy has expressed interest in them. Dads are no excited. They are hopefully, calmly and objectively evaluating the guy. There are lots of guys in our HS that my daughters (nor anyone else) should go on a date with. I can recognize them pretty readily. My daughters may or may not be able to. They have no experience to go by.
Although my daughters are now 18, 21 and 21, they still tell any suitors, you need to meet my dad before we go out on a date. They adhere to the old high school rule even though they can do as they please. They want my input. They also want to be able to use me as an excuse of they decide they do not like the guy all that much. If the guy is too scared to come meet me, then he is a pansy and good riddance. If I intimidate them, I make it clear I am joking (mostly). If they do not get that, then they are dumb. My daughters are very smart and understand dry humor and sarcasm. A guy to dumb to get it, is not going to be compatible anyway. We are a very close family and we do a lot of things together. A guy who does not get along with the family, will not last long. Even with the kids pretty grown, we still do long road trips camping, etc.
My favorite meeting so far:
"Are you one of those metrosexual guys who gets their nails done and wears makeup?"
"No sir, I am more of a nature person. I even prefer girls who do not wear make up"
(Score 0.5 points, he obviously knows daughter does not wear make up).
"Do you carry a murse?"
"Nope. I carry a satchel, a murse is too small to hold my weapons"
OK this kid is clever and not a pansy. (Not afraid to stand up to me and shoot right back). Maybe a little geeky, if he has any "weapons" it is a toy light saber. Still, plus 5.
Then I asked him about swimming.
They dated for three years. I was sad when they broke up.
So am I allowed to do all that if your daughter hurts my son?
Although my daughters are now 18, 21 and 21, they still tell any suitors, you need to meet my dad before we go out on a date. They adhere to the old high school rule even though they can do as they please. They want my input. They also want to be able to use me as an excuse of they decide they do not like the guy all that much.
When I was 21 (or 18) my dad would have been stunned if I had asked him for help in turning down a date. Or to breakup with a boyfriend. It's that whole strong, smart, independent woman-thing I was raised with. He might have asked if I was feeling OK and checked to see if I was running a fever that I'd suddenly gone all "helpless female" on him.
Don't people trust their daughters to make their own decision on who they date instead of relying on dad to make the final call? I expect my daughter will make some bad decisions and maybe get hurt, even get her heart broken, but thats a necessary part of growing up and neither I nor her father (or step dad) will have a say in who she gets involved with (or indeed when she has sex!)
My daughter is only 6 so this will be another 10 years or so. (No I am not joking, our kids don't date till they are at least 16.)
Any guy that wants to take her out will have to ask me first. That is the way it is. End of story.
As far as sex, that is something that will happen when she is married. Any parent that is acting like a parent should have the same thought. Does that happen? Well look at todays teen pregnancy rate, so no many parents are not acting like parents. Check out todays teen rate of STD's. So many parents are missing the point of being a parent and protector of their children.
We have the same rules for our boys. One of our sons wanted to ask a girl out to home coming. He asked the dad and they liked that. He has done that with maybe a dozen or so girls and the parents love that he does that. It is respectfull to the parents and shows that he had respect for the young ladies.
As far as you'll know, anyway.
I didn't get married until I was 41. Waiting that long would have been a tad ridiculous.
Don't people trust their daughters to make their own decision on who they date instead of relying on dad to make the final call? I expect my daughter will make some bad decisions and maybe get hurt, even get her heart broken, but thats a necessary part of growing up and neither I nor her father (or step dad) will have a say in who she gets involved with (or indeed when she has sex!)
You're meaning daughters over 18, correct? If so I imagine most western parents don't get involved. Under 18 is a different story.
Doesn't SHE get to decide when she will have sex? You can't decide that for her.
Mistakes do happen. Problems occur. Still when a child is living under the roof of a parent and that parent is acting as such, chances of premarital sex happening on our watch as parents sinks. Sure it may happen. She may move out when she turns 18 and chooses to live another way. That will be her choice. By then she will be an adult and making her own choices. While she is a child though living under our roof we as parents have a right to protect her and her brothers. It is not perfect and if kids want to they will find a way to rebell or make poor choices. I mean this is not rocket science. Still, parents need to lessen the chances of that happening by monitoring who our kids spend time with, who their friends are. I don't see any reason for a girl under 18 years of age to have a steady boy friend. I don't see any reason for a boy to have a steady girl friend if they are under the age of 18. we tell our kids that they can go out in group dates, meaning with 4 or more people, when they are 16. We also need to know where they will be and who will be there. Parties at peoples homes have always been allowed if the parents are there, no drugs or alcohol were present, and we had to know the kids and the family. The deal is any event where couples seem to pair off are to be avoided. No need for that at this young of age. When the littel ones are 18 and they want to start dating then all they are free to go out. Still, they live in our home they will live by our rules.
I never said that I am picking any guys out for her. I would asume that she would like any guys that show up first before they came over. That is her business. Still she is taught that any guy that wants to go out with her should be man enough to ask her dad first. Why is that a problem? Why should any kid have to sneak around to go out on a date? Wouldn't you want to know the kind of people that your kids are hanging out with?
I have a coworker that had the same requirements on her. Guys would ask her out and she told them that they had to ask her dad first. All of the guys would walk. Finally when she was 17 a guy that liked her did ask her out. She told him the deal, that he would have to ask her dad first. He said OK. She told him again, no really, you have to ask my dad first. This guy did ask the dad. He also brought his parents to meet the family. They started dating then, When they turned 20 they got married and last month hit the 10 year mark. Now they have a couple kids now and are still doing fine. Imagine that, a couple that stayed true to each other.
I never suggested sneaking around.
Here's how it went in my house.
Me: hey
Boy:hey
Boy: wanna go to the movies and grab a bite to eat?
Me: sure let me see if I can go out tonight?
Me: hey mom so and so asked me out to the movies tonight is it cool if I go?
Mom: yes it's okay, what time will you be home?
Me: movies at 8 then were meeting up with friends at sonic for food afterwards, probably around 11.
Mom: call me if anything changes
*later*
*door bell*
Me: mom so and so is here
*opens door*
Me: hey come in just a sec let me grab my things
Mom: hi so and so *chats about what movie well see and just talks for a second*
Me: alright I'm ready bye mom!
Mom: bye be safe have fun.
She'd usually not come any further down than the top of the stairs and talk from there, most the time shed go back into her room before he left.
If a guy came by that looked out of character for me or was sporting a 5 o'clock shadow and wrinkle lines she would have put a stop to it.
I never suggested sneaking around.
Here's how it went in my house.
Me: hey
Boy:hey
Boy: wanna go to the movies and grab a bite to eat?
Me: sure let me see if I can go out tonight?
Me: hey mom so and so asked me out to the movies tonight is it cool if I go?
Mom: yes it's okay, what time will you be home?
Me: movies at 8 then were meeting up with friends at sonic for food afterwards, probably around 11.
Mom: call me if anything changes
*later*
*door bell*
Me: mom so and so is here
*opens door*
Me: hey come in just a sec let me grab my things
Mom: hi so and so *chats about what movie well see and just talks for a second*
Me: alright I'm ready bye mom!
Mom: bye be safe have fun.
She'd usually not come any further down than the top of the stairs and talk from there, most the time shed go back into her room before he left.
If a guy came by that looked out of character for me or was sporting a 5 o'clock shadow and wrinkle lines she would have put a stop to it.
That is cool. Here is how it goes in our house and it isn't even dating. For any friend.
Kid: Mom can I hang out at friends house?
Mom: Will the parents be there?
Kid: Yes mom
Mom: OK, I will drop you off and we will need to meet the parents.
Kid: OK
After that we will meet the parents first and get to know them If they are not as proactive as we are then chances are our kids won't be spending time in that home.
Here is a movie example.
Kid: I am going to the movies tonight.
Mom or Dad: What will you be seeing and who are you going with?
Kid: I will be going with these friends and we will be seeing this PG movie. (No rated R or anything else non age appropriate for our kids)
If we know the parents we will call them and make sure everything is on the up and up. If we don't know them we will always drive. Ususally our Van is packed with kids going to see a movie, to a pizza place or what ever the kids are doing.
That is cool. Here is how it goes in our house and it isn't even dating. For any friend.
Kid: Mom can I hang out at friends house?
Mom: Will the parents be there?
Kid: Yes mom
Mom: OK, I will drop you off and we will need to meet the parents.
Kid: OK
After that we will meet the parents first and get to know them If they are not as proactive as we are then chances are our kids won't be spending time in that home.
Here is a movie example.
Kid: I am going to the movies tonight.
Mom or Dad: What will you be seeing and who are you going with?
Kid: I will be going with these friends and we will be seeing this PG movie. (No rated R or anything else non age appropriate for our kids)
If we know the parents we will call them and make sure everything is on the up and up. If we don't know them we will always drive. Ususally our Van is packed with kids going to see a movie, to a pizza place or what ever the kids are doing.
I was talking dating age not middle school like you were.
By the time I was 13 I was seeing pg-13 movies and by 16 R with my mom taking me and 17 I got get into r rated movies without an adult.
I and everyone I knew was driving by 16/17 so any date I had drove me himself. My mom stooping making sure parents were going to be places when I was 14 and going to the mall with just friends being dropped off. By the time I was 16-17 and my friends started driving we were going lots of places without our parents.
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