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Raising your kids yourself is a pretty damn important contribution to society.
Really, might be. Might not be. The real truth of the matter is that being a SAHP has many motives and contributing factors. Simply being present day in and day out does not a stellar parent make.
Really, might be. Might not be. The real truth of the matter is that being a SAHP has many motives and contributing factors. Simply being (physically) present day in and day out does not a stellar parent make.
Guessing this was your intent?
Agreed.
Being "present" is actually important, physically or otherwise. Being physically present 24/7 may or may not be - depending so very many different things.
"Volunteering" means gas, no income means no money for gas!
The bottom line is NOT contributing financially to your family. By me not having a job it means we have no extra money to save, for any purpose, or do anything extra...I want to go back to work, because we cannot make ends meet. Would it be nice to have capital, and know a million people, and restart my business? suuure...but that costs even more money...which we don't have. Everything has gotten more expensive, Sam's club is gouging prices rampantly, gas goes up 20 cents every other day, etc etc etc.
Staying home is for someone who's husband makes 7 figures monthly...so the wife can afford to have a life too=meaning a business, buy some lipstick, or some underwear once in a while.
We cannot afford to go back to any kind of college because we cannot afford the payments. Simple as that. There is no help for parents. Just illegal immigrants. Those get loans to open all sorts of businesses cause "poor them"...and decent normal parents get nothing. Don't get me started on SCORE, and SBA.
If you live on such a budget that you can't afford the gas to drive to the school and volunteer, then you should be working.
7 figures monthly? Many people manage on 5 figures annually. We did. I won't even comment on the illegal immigrants... oh wait... yes I will. They are afraid of accepting help from anyone, especially a govt. agency for fear of being sent back. I've seen it. I've seen people living with babies in deplorable conditions rather than seek help. You sound bitter.
OK...probably one of the oldest debates in modern parenting, but I need some advice.
We have a son who is almost two years old. I work full time running a family business, and will likely be expanding my duties with that in the near future. My income has gone up fairly consistently the past few years.
My wife currently works part time, 20 hours per week, M-Th. The job pays an OK hourly wage, but no benefits at all. She takes home a little over $1000/mo. We pay for our own high deductible insurance out of pocket.
My wife does not really like her current job. Her background is in education and counseling, and her current job isn't related to that at all. It's convenient for her to work there, but she isn't passionate about what she's doing, etc.
Our son goes to daycare two days a week...we each stay home with him one day per week (he goes to my parents one day per week as well). The days I stay home with him are very tough...I don't get much work done with him around, and my wife typically runs errands and works out at the gym after her job is done. I don't mind that she does this, but it ends up being a very long day for me, knowing I have stuff I should be getting done, but really can't.
The daycare situation is tenuous. He's currently going to a great at home provider, but she is technically over her limit of kids she can have. I guess one of the neighbors reported her, for whatever reason. Our son is her most recent addition, so he's the one that would have to leave. It was very tough for us to find a provider who fit our schedule/needs after he was first born. The daycare provider has basically told my wife she can only keep him for about three more weeks.
My wife would like to stay home with our son. She has a small side business she could do a few hours a week to generate some income (maybe a few hundred bucks a month realistically).
Looking at our household budget, we could get by on my income, but we would be tight. Mortgage is about 25% of my take home pay, and is our only debt. We invest in IRAs, etc. We would have to probably cut our entertainment budget in half (admittedly we got out to eat fairly often right now...usually a couple times per week), but hopefully she would be able to cook more at home. We also wouldn't have the daycare expense (obviously), and her gas spending would be cut down.
Part of me is reluctant, because she has never been a great house keeper (none of the women in her family really are, for whatever reason). I have told her very bluntly that she would have to take the reigns of the housekeeping if she stays home full time (not that I wouldn't still help, because I already do much of the laundry, dish washing, yard work, etc). She acknowledged this and has already made a weekly chore check list for herself.
Sorry for the long post...we're really wrestling with this right now. Really hope some people can give me some good advice. Thanks!
Who cares about housekeeping? Is she a good Mother? If yes than she should stay home with your child. Consider yourself lucky that she wants to be home with her baby. Don't be anal about the housekeeping. You can have a perfect house when your kid gets older. Now should be all about the kid and what's good for him and what's good for him is being with the ones who love him more than anything else in the world. No matter how good the daycare, they can't make that claim.
OK...probably one of the oldest debates in modern parenting, but I need some advice.
Part of me is reluctant, because she has never been a great house keeper (none of the women in her family really are, for whatever reason). I have told her very bluntly that she would have to take the reigns of the housekeeping if she stays home full time (not that I wouldn't still help, because I already do much of the laundry, dish washing, yard work, etc). She acknowledged this and has already made a weekly chore check list for herself.
You said you needed some advice about the daycare thing, but I feel like chiming in about the chores thing. Kind of silly to expect women to be more into house keeping than men. Some men like to clean more than women and vice versa, and if you do not like the ways she cleans, then pick up the slack and do some of it as well. Even if she is a stay at home mom I hope you are getting in the kitchen to cook and clean. The part where you said you could not work on the days you watch your child because she goes to the gym and such, well I wonder when she is going to get "me time" when she quits her job to be a stay at home parent. I hope you will at least still give your wife a day a week to do stuff she might need to do and such. I think in 2013 both partners need to roll up their sleeves and share in all the house work and child rearing.
I was a SAHM, my husband worked. He made a good salary. But, I felt like a slave/serf when I was a SAHM. I went back to work, and was much happier. It is not always about the money.
For the purely financial side, you might find this calculator helpful, OP.
I really like the idea of these calculators, but every one I've seen -- and this one is no exception -- seems as if its real purpose is to convince people they can make things work financially with a spouse not working, rather than to give an accurate picture of what the family finances will be if the spouse considering SAH stops working.
My situation is a bit of an outlier, but I think it works as a case in point:
We require no extra child care from me working during the school year, because I only work during school hours and I can swap out childcare with friends on school holidays. We do have to pay for camps through the summer, which is not cheap!
I do spend a small amount on gas/parking, but we live very close to work.
My office is fairly casual so I don't spend extra on work clothes.
I bring my own lunch and cook dinner at home the vast majority of the time (at least as often as I did when I worked at home).
We don't hire a housecleaner.
So summer camps plus the parking pass comes out to a little under $400 a month. Add a little to account for the occasional snack/money contributed to office shindigs/etc. That is accounted for on this calculator.
On the other hand:
We save nearly $400 a month with me carrying our health insurance as opposed to my husband, and it's better insurance so our medical expenses have gone down.
I get a pretty big match to my 403(b), and I save up to that match.
I get a mass transit pass which I do use.
And I fully use my education benefits (which were worth about $6000 last year).
No calculator of this sort that I've seen accounts for the financial benefits of working beyond your actual take-home salary!
I'm not saying people should or should not choose to stay home, of course, and I do think this sort of exercise can be useful. (In the OP's case, the wife doesn't seem to have much in terms of benefits, and I'm aware that mine are unusually good.) It's just that if you're going to look at the ledger to determine whether it's prudent for a spouse to stay home, make sure you're looking at all the angles to the best of your ability.
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