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We have a friend whose son is totally spoiled and who throws tantrums to get his way. His mother is often frustrated with him to the point of tears, but she can't stand up to him at all. For example, I saw them at Walmart and the mother asked to borrow my phone to make a call because her son was playing a game on her phone and she was afraid to ask the little tyrant for the phone back.
Our method is usually just to discuss the negative behaviors with our kids later on.
Can you imagine that???
I would have just grabbed the phone away from my child and called it a day. are you kidding me???
some parents have no backbone, it is almost sickening.........timeout- timeout... LOL
I think that you have two options - Either confront these parents on this issue or avoid associating with them. The problem that I have is that finding other parents who raise their children the same as we do is going to be very difficult. I think that the issue is how to find common ground with parents whose parenting styles differ from ours. Regarding discipline, I think that you need to explain to your son that parents often differ on how to raise their kids. It isn't necessarily good or bad. It is simply parents trying to do the very best to raise their children. There really isn't any easy answer to this question. But, you need to stick to your values and allow other parents to stick by theirs.
Now, if you find your son misbehaving because of the poor parenting styles of others, then I think you really have no choice but to avoid the relationship all together.
You can't really influence the parents unless they are your children, unless the child is really in the doghouse (such as being expelled from school or committing a crime. The best way to help other parents' childrens' behavioral problems is to let the parents deal with it as they see fit, or to not associate with the child in question.
It it was one of the first lessons I learned about parenthood. People I thought I knew well turned out be quite different in the parenting role or I assumed my parenting style would be similar to theirs. My one friend and I had been friends for quite sometime before we got married and had our children. We found out we were pregnant at the same time and had our sons within weeks of each other. I had visions of us having playdates, our sons being best friends and so on. It didnt take long for me to realize our parenting styles were different and it did change the friendship.
There was a sense of competitiveness I didnt expect. I am not a competitive person by nature anyway and never expected to feel it in my friendship regarding our kids. It started off when they were babies. "Oh Derek is already holding his bottle..." and so on. My son always seemed to be "way behind in his developement" Then when they became toddlers is when I had more problems. My friend had the attitude that boys were meant to be mean, rough and big. Her son was much larger than my son. I could sense some pride in this from her.
Her son was rough and injured my son a few times. The first time I just let it go as toddler mishaps but it became obvious she let her son hurt other kids. We ended up having a heated argument about her son's behavior towards mine and the friendship cooled for a few months where we didnt talk. She eventually apologized to me but the friendship was never the same. A few times when the boys got older we would try to hang out but my son took me aside and said he just didnt like "Derek" and I could see they had nothing in common. My friend's son was quite unruly, rude and it was never a concern for me, that my son would pick up these bad behaviors. If anything, I think it taught my son not to behave that way.
Why wouldn't you just ask the child to return the phone to you?
If it was my child, i would have, obviously.
But my answer was in regards to the original poster that didn't want to take HER phone away because THE CHILD was playing video games on HER phone, and she was AFRAID.
I love my children, but I am not afraid of them. LOL
It's all part of the learning experience for your kids. Just because others do it some way doesn't mean your family will do it that way. Everyone has his or her own way of raising kids and you don't care what others do, you'll have your own rules and that's just how it is.
The other thing is I've seen kids who I thought were raised all wrong turn out just fine, and others who were raised alright end up with problems. Even in the same family, one sibling out of several will have all kinds of issues, the others are able to hold down jobs, don't drink in excess or use drugs.
It's my personal observation after raising kids to young adults in a very large school district where I knew everyone. The children whose parents were over controlling ended up being very meek follower personalities. Their parents rarely allowed them to make decisions for themselves.
Of the kids who weren't good enough to be friends with their children, the majority of them are leading very full young adult lives. They were exposed to decision making, learning from mistakes, natural consequences, uncontrolled peer interaction, etc. Some of the most unruly kids ended up being hugely successful because they dared to blaze competitive and/or unique career paths.
I don't have time right now, but I'm sure there is a study on how over controlling parenting creates follower personalities. How can they become leaders if their own parents don't trust their judgment to chose their own friends? You can't be a leader if you can't think for yourself and someone is constantly berating your choices as not good enough.
This is an interesting point. I do think however that the answer is somewhere closer to the middle. While it is certainly good to trust your children and their ability to make the right decisions, it also helps to guide them away from some common pitfalls. Children don't always think about consequences and don't always think about how their actions could effect their future. That said, I am in no way advocating living their life for them. I grew up with a good blend and I'm glad that while my parents let me make my own decisions (and therefore deal with my own mistakes) they also guided that growth.
We have a friend whose son is totally spoiled and who throws tantrums to get his way. His mother is often frustrated with him to the point of tears, but she can't stand up to him at all. For example, I saw them at Walmart and the mother asked to borrow my phone to make a call because her son was playing a game on her phone and she was afraid to ask the little tyrant for the phone back.
Our method is usually just to discuss the negative behaviors with our kids later on.
On one hand, how someone parents their child is their business, so long as it isn't affecting you.
On the other hand, I have to say, in that situation, I think I'd said something. I'm not sure exactly how I'd worded it, maybe something like "what if everyone let their child play with their phone like you're doing, then where would you have to go?" etc. I'm sorry, but that is a personal pet peeve of mine, parents letting their children play with their phone. Therefore, when I try to call such a person, their child answers the phone & I'm supposed to be polite to them when they, however unintentionally due to not knowing any better, interfere with the conversation I'm trying to have with an ADULT about ADULT things? I called that adult person to speak to THEM, and NOT to their child.
(I also for that reason hate it when someone makes their child's photo their Facebook profile photo, except on their birthday etc, but that's another story.)
My kids do not EVER, EVER, EVER touch MY cellular phone. It's called having respect for other's property. They have their own toys to play with, they have no right to mine whatsoever.
LRH
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Then when they became toddlers is when I had more problems. My friend had the attitude that boys were meant to be mean, rough and big. Her son was much larger than my son. I could sense some pride in this from her. 
