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Old 11-17-2007, 07:08 PM
 
Location: NJ
7,129 posts, read 13,861,063 times
Reputation: 3873

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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlleyTD View Post
I hope she takes to heart what we said, even if she doesn't like it. Sigh ...

The truth hurts and I hope she really wanted advice and not just validation for a choice she has already made ( which I sadly think is probably the case)

So, at the risk of getting religious ... maybe those of us who are so inclined could say a little prayer for this young girl and hope that she finds trust and joy in her life, even if the Mother chooses the man over the daughter.
Being a single parent with no input from the father is the pits. Who knows if she can manage paying bills on her own. Marrying the guy, having him help with bills, plus maybe medical insurance if she doesn't have any is a good thing and may be better then what she has. The marriage may be a good thing...
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Old 11-17-2007, 07:11 PM
 
Location: Here
2,791 posts, read 3,834,170 times
Reputation: 4700
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundance View Post
I agree with the others, keep your promise!

If he loves you, he will wait. By being engaged a couple years, you may save yourself a divorce....sorry to be so blunt, but if he can't wait for you 2 years out of respect for your daughter, you don't need to marry him! She needs you...please be there for her.
Bravo! And I am in agreement also with the other OPs about the promise you broke - that is not showing respect for her and discounting her feelings. I am sure she is very scared right now and has every right to be. She needs you, she should come first in your life, she needs stability/security, and she needs to be able to trust you.
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Old 11-17-2007, 08:31 PM
 
Location: Boise / Eagle, Idaho
306 posts, read 824,454 times
Reputation: 217
Default 1 hour commute

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
Being a single parent with no input from the father is the pits. Who knows if she can manage paying bills on her own. Marrying the guy, having him help with bills, plus maybe medical insurance if she doesn't have any is a good thing and may be better then what she has. The marriage may be a good thing...

I agree ... BUT ... she shouldn't have to move! He's only an hour away for gosh sakes. If he were across the country maybe ... but he's not.

They can have weekends if they want. When a dear friend wanted to move to Phoenix from Los Angeles, her husband dragged his feet. She finally told him she would move without him if he wasn't willing. Well, he applied for a job transfer (postal worker/mail man) and they had to wait ...
after 9 months of waiting SHE really wanted to move so her kids could start school in AZ ... they compromised!

What a concept

They found a rental in AZ ... and SHE moved into it with the two kids ... They sold their home in LA and He temporarily moved in to a friends guest room until the job transfer came through. With the post office you just have to wait. They waited 11 months!!! And HE drove 6 hours on friday nights to be with his family on Saturday and half day Sunday .... he would then drive back 6 hours to LA on Sunday night! He did this 2-4 times a month.

Why, because he loved his wife and they compromised for the kids - she wanted a better school district and to buy a home.

They are still together and he finally got the transfer.
My long winded point is that 1 hour is NOTHING .... for love.
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Old 11-18-2007, 01:52 PM
 
9 posts, read 22,941 times
Reputation: 11
SO you are getting marry and are very happy, right? Sounds like so far you been keeping your word with your "hubby" to be. Yet, you didnt do that with your daugher? Of course she is pissed off. She is a smart 16 yrs old and she can see that you been treating your husband to be with a lot more respect than your own daughter. She is upset that she is loosing part of you to a new man and upset that you can do things with him right on the dot but not between the two of you. Please take time , real time, to spend with your daughter before you marry this dude. She needs you now and she will need you 40 yrs from now. New lovers will come and most of them will be gone but your daughter is here to stay until the end and the same goes the other way. So stick together where really matters. So now be a MOM and be straight with her and stick to your promises!! Blood is sicker than anything else!
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Old 11-19-2007, 06:13 AM
 
2,486 posts, read 6,133,833 times
Reputation: 1844
Daaaayyy 4...

Looks like OP ran out on us all right.
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Old 11-19-2007, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Boise / Eagle, Idaho
306 posts, read 824,454 times
Reputation: 217
Quote:
Originally Posted by SmerkyGrl View Post
Daaaayyy 4...

Looks like OP ran out on us all right.
Bummer ... I Hate when that happens.
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Old 11-20-2007, 10:57 PM
 
Location: Kingman AZ
15,378 posts, read 23,337,359 times
Reputation: 8606
Oppie is a TROlllllll
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Old 01-04-2008, 10:46 PM
 
Location: Ontario
2 posts, read 4,710 times
Reputation: 10
Default Sorry I lost track of the site

Hi I thought i would recieve emails when i got replies, i lost track of the site.
I have read all the replies, probably not what i expected in all of them, but can understand your point as well.
Since moving back to the city where i promised her we would stay, i had to get CAS involved to help cope with her, due to lack of respect, not following rules, drug problems, and school problems. She does not attend classes, she skips to do drugs with her friends, drinks and smoking dope is her life. The 13 months before i met my bf i tried everything with her, cousselling for her and for both of us, till she refused to go. I guess i had hoped in moving her, it would get her away from those things and get her back on track. Its hard raising a teenager alone which some of you would know, we have struggled always and this move would be a good one for both of us, both financially and i was hoping for our relationship. I love my daughter more then anything and have never chosen a guy over either one of my kids, i have 2 older boys out on their own doing good, i just want her to stop the drugs and go to school. This move would give her a fresh start for both of us and a better life. Thanks for your replies.
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Old 01-04-2008, 11:43 PM
 
Location: Lovelock, NV - Anchorage, AK
1,197 posts, read 3,825,491 times
Reputation: 441
Seems to me that you've had 13months of trouble with her and if she is 16 and won't understand your need for companionship I don't think she would understand anything. I would force her to move sorry but your the parent and life is not fair especially for an angry child.
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Old 01-05-2008, 02:32 AM
 
Location: TN
16 posts, read 28,623 times
Reputation: 28
Quote:
Seems to me that you've had 13months of trouble with her and if she is 16 and won't understand your need for companionship I don't think she would understand anything. I would force her to move sorry but your the parent and life is not fair especially for an angry child.
You're right that life isn't always fair, but for a 16 year old to be so angry and rebelious is very telling.

To the OP, I'm sure it's difficult dealing with a teenager. My oldest daughter is entering those dreadful, yet somewhat entertaining, years. With that being said, I do believe your daughter is crying out to you for something...a bit of guidance, discipline, and attention.

If nothing else, maybe you should postpone the wedding and redirect your attention toward your daughter. You say she is skipping school, using drugs, etc? Where are you when this is going on? Is she allowed to go out on her own? Do you take her to school?

I ask these questions because I find it hard to believe that those who are involved in their child's life are seemingly always unaware of the "bad" things going on. If it takes driving her to school, walking her in, and sitting next to her, are you willing to do it? If it means sitting in the house every night of the week to make sure she doesn't leave to associate with the "friends" that are providing this lifestyle(you don't give her money, right?), will you do it?

I'm not trying to be mean. I'm sure it reads like it, but I'm not. The fact is, this is your daughter. She's only a few years from becoming an 'adult', yet it doesn't seem that she's anywhere near capable of handling that. Instead of focusing on what she's doing that interferes and causes you hardship, think back to things you might have done/not done that has lead her to this point. This didn't happen overnight.

Obviously, she needs you right now. To me, this calls for your undivided attention and every bit of strength and wisdom you can provide...and even beyond that you think you're capable of. This is your child. You're a powerful influence whether you believe it or not. You're responsible for making decisions for her when she doesn't have enough experience to make rational ones on her own.

I believe you can do what's needed and I wish you luck.

She's crying out to you. You should listen.
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