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Old 11-14-2007, 11:13 PM
 
Location: Ontario
2 posts, read 4,378 times
Reputation: 10
Default Teenage daughter refuses to move

I will be honest, i have moved my daughter quite a bit over the years. We moved the last time 13 months ago when i promised not to move again until she finishes school. But the last 13 months has been terrible, since we moved she has been disrespectful, dont follow rules, she swears at me, i dont know what to do anymore. I met someone and is moving an hour away, in another month, we are getting married in a few months, and i am very happy. But my daughter says she is moving with her friends and will not move with me, she is 16 and not old enough to be out on her own. I take the blame for the way she is because i have let her off with so much over time, mostly because of guilt because her dad wasnt there for her. Im tired of her treating me like dirt all the time, but i still feel guilty because she always says shes sorry after. Any advice would be so greatful, thank you
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Old 11-14-2007, 11:49 PM
 
16,393 posts, read 10,575,057 times
Reputation: 15544
If she won't move and you choose to not make her she can get emanicipated. That way if she does something illegal or destructive you will not be held responsible.
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Old 11-15-2007, 04:24 AM
 
2,486 posts, read 5,807,961 times
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You should not have made a promise you couldn't keep. On that note, take a weekend off and go have a mother-daughter heart to heart with her. You two sound like you need it.
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Old 11-15-2007, 06:11 AM
 
Location: Boca Raton
9,342 posts, read 15,595,044 times
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She may be treating you like dirt, but what about the way you are treating her by breaking your promise? That her feelings are of no importance to you. It's only two years until she is an adult.

If you promised not to move, then I wouldn't. And I also wouldn't move in with someone before you get married. You are teaching her the wrong values. You are placing more value on a man than on your commitment to her. And if he knows that you made that promise and still moved away, how much respect does he have for you?

I like the heart to heart idea. Tell her that you thought about it and realized that you had made a promise to her and that you are going to keep it AS LONG AS she upholds her end by being respectful and positive.
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Old 11-15-2007, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Atlanta, GA
273 posts, read 1,144,258 times
Reputation: 79
An hour away isn't that far. Your daughter is already 16, and will be 18 in less than two years. Postpone the wedding and enjoy being a bride-to-be for awhile.
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Old 11-15-2007, 10:05 AM
 
Location: coos bay oregon
2,096 posts, read 5,640,716 times
Reputation: 1180
I totally agree with the top two posts!!! and if you do follow those excellent suggestions, please please please, DONT be a martyr.....dont lay it on her feet. Sounds like you BOTH have put up with a lot from each other over the years.
If you go back on a promise to her, and you put a b.f. in front of her, don't expect any respect from your daughter.
on a sidenote, have you tried some family counceling? Might be of help, and it might help her see that you do care for her feelings too.
Best of luck!
Tiffany
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Old 11-15-2007, 10:27 AM
 
Location: I'm not lost, I'm exploring!
3,403 posts, read 8,882,927 times
Reputation: 5596
Couple of things here..

for one (I know it's been said in a previous post already) you shouldn't have made her that promise, if you don't intend to keep it. Imagine what she's going through, just to cater to your new and budding romance?

She's 16, she can be emancipated. An hour is not that far away at all... if you don't like that thought, then you should consider what is in her best interests. She obviously is attached to her friends and wants to finish out school as promised, where you are now. As a mother, should you not be looking out for your child's best interests? Or is this move all about you.

You're already engaged, what is waiting going to harm anything? Why are you the one moving, and not him?

I left home because I was sick of being moved around as an army brat every 2-3 years, I left the house when I was just barely 17. Spent my time on my own, and I have a better relationship with my mother, a stronger bond than I thought possible, because of it.
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Old 11-15-2007, 11:30 AM
 
3,500 posts, read 6,485,618 times
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Is the guy you're marrying worth losing your daughter over?
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Old 11-15-2007, 02:16 PM
 
2,486 posts, read 5,807,961 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sean98125 View Post
Is the guy you're marrying worth losing your daughter over?
---ouch---
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Old 11-15-2007, 06:16 PM
 
Location: Boise / Eagle, Idaho
306 posts, read 774,526 times
Reputation: 217
Thumbs down Daughters before dudes

Quote:
Originally Posted by HIF View Post
She may be treating you like dirt, but what about the way you are treating her by breaking your promise? That her feelings are of no importance to you. It's only two years until she is an adult.

If you promised not to move, then I wouldn't. And I also wouldn't move in with someone before you get married. You are teaching her the wrong values. You are placing more value on a man than on your commitment to her. And if he knows that you made that promise and still moved away, how much respect does he have for you?

I like the heart to heart idea. Tell her that you thought about it and realized that you had made a promise to her and that you are going to keep it AS LONG AS she upholds her end by being respectful and positive.
Ding, ding! Best answer.
If this man you are marrying is worth ANYTHING at all, he will NOT make you move, NOR would he want you to considering the promise made to your daughter.

If you move and break your promise again, you are basically teaching you daughter that PEOPLE can NOT be trusted. The one person a child most learns about trust from: is their live-in parent. You are her mother for gosh sake. Do right by her! Men come and go ... and a good man will wait OR be ok with a 1 hour commute. Many people do that... my husband used to communte 43 miles, one way in heavy traffic ... it took him 50 mins to get to work and 1 hour and 20 minutes to get home.

If you do not teach your child that people can be trusted she will be headed for a world of hurt later in life. Later in her life a good man may come along and love her, but she won't trust him ... she won't trust good friends ... she won't really trust anyone.

Life is hard enough.
Two years will pass in the blink of an eye. WAIT, don't move for a man. That is shallow and selfish ... you are a parent first. Sorry to be so blunt.
Your child should come first. She will be an adult soon enough and then you will have the rest of your life to follow anyone you want, anywhere.
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