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Why not? Do you think the police officer DIDN'T do his job? At the very least, he was unsure/not authorized. Because if so, a simple caseworker wouldn't have been able to tell him how to proceed!
This most eloquently worded post sums up exactly what I'm trying to say.
This is the point, and this is what matters.
It's not a matter of hypothetical this and possible that, who's in charge here or there, or who gets to decide what and not.
What's best for the child is what matters most. Even if one or other parent doesn't like it one little bit.
Both of these posts couldn't be farther from the truth.
If anyone thinks she is trying to be spiteful, they've got it wrong.
The shower. It was my daughter's day. The other daughter dating the brother, it just happens to be that my husband invited him.
I invited the other mom and grandmother. I have tried including them in everything related to prep for the baby. The mom and grandma did attend the shower.
If my daughter's boyfriend wasn't the brother, he still would have been invited by my husband. We love the kid. He's nothing but a help when he's around. I had no knowledge at the time but the mom was sure to let me know that they told the brother he was not allowed to go because his brother wasn't going.
Mind you the decision to not have the father was between my daughter and him, not us at all.
Until this baby gets here, the thought process has to revolve around what will Make things easiest for my daughter giving birth. It's no easy process I can assure you. I know I wanted comfort and support when in labor and delivery. I'm sure she wants the same. No one wants to exclude him from anything or keep him from her. When she's born, it's all about what's best for the baby. I've told my daughter that once the baby's here it's not at all about her anymore, it's about the baby.
No one is trying to be vindictive. Other than them. They are the ones saying that he should just take the baby 3.5 days per week so he doesn't have to pay support. Pretty crappy way of thinking. The baby is not a pawn and shouldn't be thought of in a way to not provide for her. Little do they know she doesn't want his financial support. Just for him to be a good dad. All on his own. No money attached.
In my opinion, that's selfish.
He has to understand that a nursing baby cannot be away from mom 3.5 days per week. Not possible.
They've been selfish the whole time with a lot of stupid things. They call the brother and demand he get home to play video games with the brother. Baby's dad. I've never said a word about how stupid that is because it's not my place. Or how they won't support their other son because he doesn't want to go to school for what they want him to. Or how they will allow their oil tank to run empty and the boys have to shower at my house because they don't have hot water but go get a new tattoo that week. This happened on more than two occasions. I also haven't said how they will not cook food for the boys and tell them to go eat at my house.
Also, they had a shower for the dad for the sole reason of and I quote, "if she can get free stuff, why can't he".
I think my daughter has valid concerns about leaving the child while she's an infant.
I think my daughter has valid concerns about leaving the child while she's an infant.
I agree. That doesn't sound like a good environment to raise a baby in. It sounds like most of the problems are coming from the parents and grandparents. At 20 he's still a young guy and is still obviously being heavily influenced by them. Hopefully this experience will make him realize that he needs to grow up and be a good father to his daughter. Do what's right by her rather than what others are telling him. I would include him in as much as he wants to be included in and as much as your daughter is comfortable with. It's his baby too, but your daughter is going to be the primary caretaker, so what she wants/needs should go. He probably knows almost nothing about taking care of a baby and will have to learn from someone. It'd be much better for him to learn from you and your daughter than his own family. This can be an opportunity to get him on the right track for his daughter's sake. Just depends on how much your daughter can or wants to take on.
I agree. That doesn't sound like a good environment to raise a baby in. It sounds like most of the problems are coming from the parents and grandparents. At 20 he's still a young guy and is still obviously being heavily influenced by them. Hopefully this experience will make him realize that he needs to grow up and be a good father to his daughter. Do what's right by her rather than what others are telling him. I would include him in as much as he wants to be included in and as much as your daughter is comfortable with. It's his baby too, but your daughter is going to be the primary caretaker, so what she wants/needs should go. He probably knows almost nothing about taking care of a baby and will have to learn from someone. It'd be much better for him to learn from you and your daughter than his own family. This can be an opportunity to get him on the right track for his daughter's sake. Just depends on how much your daughter can or wants to take on.
I think you're absolutely right.
She is scared right now. Moreso about how the baby is coming out than anything.
As far as everything and anything else goes, we will worry about it when the time comes. Some things you just can't plan in advance and the circumstances can change.
They don't sound like type of family I would want influencing the development of my child, that's for sure. Biology isn't everything.
Your daughter has a right to be surrounded by supportive people while she's afraid, not someone who is saying she's going to be a terrible mother. Even if she bent over backwards during the labor and delivery, I highly suspect this family will cause major drama at the hospital.
What did the lawyer said about his wanting 3.5 days and all of the other stuff?
I don't see the problem with the father's family giving him a shower. If he's going to have the baby for visits at his parents' home they will be needing things for the baby when it is there. It sounds like they're either low income or really bad money managers. Maybe both.
They have relatives and friends. A shower is a chance for the family and friends to bond over the coming baby. For all anyone knows Auntie Flo and Grandma Marie attended the shower and brought items that will be useful for taking care of the baby. Isn't that a good thing?
I don't see the problem with the father's family giving him a shower. If he's going to have the baby for visits at his parents' home they will be needing things for the baby when it is there. It sounds like they're either low income or really bad money managers. Maybe both.
They have relatives and friends. A shower is a chance for the family and friends to bond over the coming baby. For all anyone knows Auntie Flo and Grandma Marie attended the shower and brought items that will be useful for taking care of the baby. Isn't that a good thing?
No no. Don't misunderstand me. I think a dad shower is just fine in these instances. It was the way it was said. It's all the mean spiritedness that has been going on. I was using it as an example of the outlook she will deal with.
I know I didn't appreciate his mom coming and speaking to me the way she did at my daughters shower but that has nothing to do with any of this. It's like there's nothing fun or positive. Just control.
I won't allow major drama at the hospital. That's what they have security for.
Both of these posts couldn't be farther from the truth.
If anyone thinks she is trying to be spiteful, they've got it wrong.
The shower. It was my daughter's day. The other daughter dating the brother, it just happens to be that my husband invited him.
I invited the other mom and grandmother. I have tried including them in everything related to prep for the baby. The mom and grandma did attend the shower.
If my daughter's boyfriend wasn't the brother, he still would have been invited by my husband. We love the kid. He's nothing but a help when he's around. I had no knowledge at the time but the mom was sure to let me know that they told the brother he was not allowed to go because his brother wasn't going.
Mind you the decision to not have the father was between my daughter and him, not us at all.
Until this baby gets here, the thought process has to revolve around what will Make things easiest for my daughter giving birth. It's no easy process I can assure you. I know I wanted comfort and support when in labor and delivery. I'm sure she wants the same. No one wants to exclude him from anything or keep him from her. When she's born, it's all about what's best for the baby. I've told my daughter that once the baby's here it's not at all about her anymore, it's about the baby.
No one is trying to be vindictive. Other than them. They are the ones saying that he should just take the baby 3.5 days per week so he doesn't have to pay support. Pretty crappy way of thinking. The baby is not a pawn and shouldn't be thought of in a way to not provide for her. Little do they know she doesn't want his financial support. Just for him to be a good dad. All on his own. No money attached.
In my opinion, that's selfish.
He has to understand that a nursing baby cannot be away from mom 3.5 days per week. Not possible.
They've been selfish the whole time with a lot of stupid things. They call the brother and demand he get home to play video games with the brother. Baby's dad. I've never said a word about how stupid that is because it's not my place. Or how they won't support their other son because he doesn't want to go to school for what they want him to. Or how they will allow their oil tank to run empty and the boys have to shower at my house because they don't have hot water but go get a new tattoo that week. This happened on more than two occasions. I also haven't said how they will not cook food for the boys and tell them to go eat at my house.
Also, they had a shower for the dad for the sole reason of and I quote, "if she can get free stuff, why can't he".
I think my daughter has valid concerns about leaving the child while she's an infant.
Okay. Of course she has valid concerns.
You've built up quite a list of resentments. This is only going to get worse unless you guys live and let live and understand that for better or worse, your daughter decided to involve ths family in your lives FOREVER by choosing to have this kid's baby.
I'm not meaning to be harsh.
But as a child who grew up without a dad because all the adults in the family let their own issues with each other come before my relationship with my father, you had all better start accepting the other people for who they are. Your daughter CHOSE them. They are your granddaughter's family just as much as you and yours are.
Unless the safety of the baby is compromised, you are all going to have to let it go and be accepting - even if you don't like it and or them.
It's your granddaughter's family you're speaking so ill of. Justified or not.
I can resent all I want but don't. Not once have I ever spoken of any of this with my kids or anyone else. I really do not do that at all. I have my own opinions and they are just that. My opinions. Just because they do things different doesn't mean it's wrong. Wrong for me but not wrong in general. I would never criticize another on their way of life as long as no one I love is hurt.
They are definitely her family. And she and my daughter will be interacting for many years.
I've said this before and I'll reiterate. This board is literally my vent and release for any frustration I may be feeling throughout this journey. I am not a vindictive or spiteful person.
Right now I want what's best for my daughter. In a very short time I will want what's best for my daughter and grandchild. Most decisions do not involve me whatsoever.
Both of these posts couldn't be farther from the truth.
If anyone thinks she is trying to be spiteful, they've got it wrong.
The shower. It was my daughter's day. The other daughter dating the brother, it just happens to be that my husband invited him.
I invited the other mom and grandmother. I have tried including them in everything related to prep for the baby. The mom and grandma did attend the shower.
If my daughter's boyfriend wasn't the brother, he still would have been invited by my husband. We love the kid. He's nothing but a help when he's around. I had no knowledge at the time but the mom was sure to let me know that they told the brother he was not allowed to go because his brother wasn't going.
Mind you the decision to not have the father was between my daughter and him, not us at all.
Until this baby gets here, the thought process has to revolve around what will Make things easiest for my daughter giving birth. It's no easy process I can assure you. I know I wanted comfort and support when in labor and delivery. I'm sure she wants the same. No one wants to exclude him from anything or keep him from her. When she's born, it's all about what's best for the baby. I've told my daughter that once the baby's here it's not at all about her anymore, it's about the baby.
No one is trying to be vindictive. Other than them. They are the ones saying that he should just take the baby 3.5 days per week so he doesn't have to pay support. Pretty crappy way of thinking. The baby is not a pawn and shouldn't be thought of in a way to not provide for her. Little do they know she doesn't want his financial support. Just for him to be a good dad. All on his own. No money attached.
In my opinion, that's selfish.
He has to understand that a nursing baby cannot be away from mom 3.5 days per week. Not possible.
They've been selfish the whole time with a lot of stupid things. They call the brother and demand he get home to play video games with the brother. Baby's dad. I've never said a word about how stupid that is because it's not my place. Or how they won't support their other son because he doesn't want to go to school for what they want him to. Or how they will allow their oil tank to run empty and the boys have to shower at my house because they don't have hot water but go get a new tattoo that week. This happened on more than two occasions. I also haven't said how they will not cook food for the boys and tell them to go eat at my house.
Also, they had a shower for the dad for the sole reason of and I quote, "if she can get free stuff, why can't he".
I think my daughter has valid concerns about leaving the child while she's an infant.
Jersey- you are 100% right! Anyone who thinks you and your daughter are selfish haven't read this thread thoroughly. I think some people are putting their own personal experiences into this situation and coming down harshly on you.
Vent away
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Because if so, a simple caseworker wouldn't have been able to tell him how to proceed!
