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How were they able to get a doctor to take care of it?
They were. There was an abortionist here who would do late term abortions -- all the time. Dates can be falsified, diagnoses can be invented.
But in this case, the young parents want the baby. It's not likely they're going to change their minds on that. The OP likes her daughter's boyfriend, he's polite and apparently responsible, he's not apparently abusive, not a drug addict, not an alcoholic. I don't even see that marriage at some point has to be off the table --- but again, everyone has their own ideas on that and marriage isn't all that popular today. Fathers can stay involved even if not married to the mothers, but too often they drift away.
And kids will decide to drop out of college without a baby on the way, in this case, both parents still intend to finish their educations, both aren't opposed to working a job -- they're not a couple of losers by any stretch. They sound like pretty good clean kids, not overly defiant, not coming home drunk, not using drugs.
If you have to rate this on a scale of 1 to 10 as far as problems, and also rate teen age suicide, teenage drug addition, teen runaway, teen diagnosis of cancer, teen DWI, teen deciding to drop out of college, teenage onset of serious mental illness, and considering they are 19 and in college, this one doesn't get all that high of a rating I think.
When you decide to be a parent, you're putting yourself at risk of any and all of those problems.
They were. There was an abortionist here who would do late term abortions -- all the time. Dates can be falsified, diagnoses can be invented.
But in this case, the young parents want the baby. It's not likely they're going to change their minds on that. The OP likes her daughter's boyfriend, he's polite and apparently responsible, he's not apparently abusive, not a drug addict, not an alcoholic. I don't even see that marriage at some point has to be off the table --- but again, everyone has their own ideas on that and marriage isn't all that popular today. Fathers can stay involved even if not married to the mothers, but too often they drift away.
And kids will decide to drop out of college without a baby on the way, in this case, both parents still intend to finish their educations, both aren't opposed to working a job -- they're not a couple of losers by any stretch. They sound like pretty good clean kids, not overly defiant, not coming home drunk, not using drugs.
If you have to rate this on a scale of 1 to 10 as far as problems, and also rate teen age suicide, teenage drug addition, teen runaway, teen diagnosis of cancer, teen DWI, teen deciding to drop out of college, teenage onset of serious mental illness, and considering they are 19 and in college, this one doesn't get all that high of a rating I think.
When you decide to be a parent, you're putting yourself at risk of any and all of those problems.
Of course, but the subject of the this thread IS young parents.
And I'm sorry, but I don't suggest dragging anyone anywhere for anything.
My very point was that the OP should try and remain neutral while being supportive of her child. It's very easy to place the blame later on parental influence if things don't work out well for the OP's daughter.
Thanks for the back up on that.
I agree with neutral -- up to a point. When you have a 19 year old son or daughter though, you usually will give them plenty of your well-thought out and other opinions on just about everything.
I think the OP can say what she thinks about them living with the bf's family, at least bring up the problems when young couples don't get their own place. It's still just food for thought -- the new couple will ultimately decide. Both sets of parents can give their opinions. The bf's father probably has some that are at least valid in his mind. I'm sure he also wants what's best for the couple and the baby. The couple then can weigh all their options.
Actually I can tell that at this point, it's all just discussion, the OP knows the kids and also loves them and we're just throwing out opinions of our own -- which is fine, but she will know in her heart what she should do and say. I think she is staying neutral where she should -- but it's always good to push the idea of education for a better job and it's perfectly fine to point out possible pitfalls. You can do that even when you're 80 and your kids are over 50. They may or may not take your suggestions.
Not if the due date was erroneous, how can the doctor really know when the last menstral period actually was. In this case, the parents didn't know about their daughter's pregnancy because she didn't tell them and was hiding it from them.
There was another such doctor -- not the same one but he did much of the same things and was convicted and sent to prison, he just got caught. But this is all off-topic.
A number of other complaints were filed against Showery over the years, including that he charged women for abortions when they were not pregnant and that he falsified records to show that women were 20 weeks pregnant when they were past that mark.
Not if the due date was erroneous, how can the doctor really know when the last menstral period actually was. In this case, the parents didn't know about their daughter's pregnancy because she didn't tell them and was hiding it from them.
There was another such doctor -- not the same one but he did much of the same things and was convicted and sent to prison, he just got caught. But this is all off-topic.
A number of other complaints were filed against Showery over the years, including that he charged women for abortions when they were not pregnant and that he falsified records to show that women were 20 weeks pregnant when they were past that mark.
It's illegal because a parent has no say if their daughter has an abortion or not. If he did it without her consent then it breaches all codes of ethics.
They were. There was an abortionist here who would do late term abortions -- all the time. Dates can be falsified, diagnoses can be invented.
But in this case, the young parents want the baby. It's not likely they're going to change their minds on that. The OP likes her daughter's boyfriend, he's polite and apparently responsible, he's not apparently abusive, not a drug addict, not an alcoholic. I don't even see that marriage at some point has to be off the table --- but again, everyone has their own ideas on that and marriage isn't all that popular today. Fathers can stay involved even if not married to the mothers, but too often they drift away.
And kids will decide to drop out of college without a baby on the way, in this case, both parents still intend to finish their educations, both aren't opposed to working a job -- they're not a couple of losers by any stretch. They sound like pretty good clean kids, not overly defiant, not coming home drunk, not using drugs.
If you have to rate this on a scale of 1 to 10 as far as problems, and also rate teen age suicide, teenage drug addition, teen runaway, teen diagnosis of cancer, teen DWI, teen deciding to drop out of college, teenage onset of serious mental illness, and considering they are 19 and in college, this one doesn't get all that high of a rating I think.
When you decide to be a parent, you're putting yourself at risk of any and all of those problems.
Yet, these good clean responsible kids decided to play Russian Roulette with their birth control before they've even gotten out of their parents' front doors.
I don't care how good and clean living they are, they've just proven to be incredibly irresponsible and now they get to chart the course of a child's life, when they've had none of their own.
The OP is right to not be knitting booties and dancing on the tables.
I agree the OP should remain neutral. But I don't think neural should be silent. Neutral can be presenting many considerations from different ends of the spectrum. I'm worried about the OP remaining overly silent and the daughter and boyfriend hearing mostly from the boyfriend's father. Since he is upset the OP told them how much it costs to have and raise a baby, he isn't the predominant voice I would want my children hearing.
I don't recall the young woman asking any of us for our opinion. I do recall thw OP asking for opinions. She then told ys her daughter has decided to keep the baby. WITH THAT AS THE SITUATION AS WE KNOW IT, I encouraged the OP by reminding her of the many positive possible outcomes. Guess what...grandkids are a huge blessing. Watching your own daughter embrace motherhood is amazing. We CAN help our young mothers by showing them our acceptance of their decision and assure them of our joy over the good things that can come from less than ideal situations. I never said to start knitting booties or pressuring the mother. There's a thin line between pressuring and supporting and I have no reason to believe that the OP can't make that determination. She seems quite rational.
I don't recall the young woman asking any of us for our opinion. I do recall thw OP asking for opinions.
The OP was asking for opinions about how to present options for the daughter to consider.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
She then told ys her daughter has decided to keep the baby. WITH THAT AS THE SITUATION AS WE KNOW IT,
Her decision to keep the baby could be very fluid over the very few months. It isn't written in stone. Many things can happen very quickly. The boyfriend's father is just the beginning. Getting her own place might seem reasonable until she actually gets out there and realizes she can't afford her own place. You live in an area with a very low cost of living. The OP lives in a high cost of living area. It's very possible the daughter can't afford to live on her own. Circumstances could change the daughter's mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
I encouraged the OP by reminding her of the many positive possible outcomes. Guess what...grandkids are a huge blessing. Watching your own daughter embrace motherhood is amazing. We CAN help our young mothers by showing them our acceptance of their decision and assure them of our joy over the good things that can come from less than ideal situations. I never said to start knitting booties or pressuring the mother. There's a thin line between pressuring and supporting and I have no reason to believe that the OP can't make that determination. She seems quite rational.
I agree the OP should remain neutral. But I don't think neural should be silent. Neutral can be presenting many considerations from different ends of the spectrum. I'm worried about the OP remaining overly silent and the daughter and boyfriend hearing mostly from the boyfriend's father. Since he is upset the OP told them how much it costs to have and raise a baby, he isn't the predominant voice I would want my children hearing.
Yes, I agree. My main concern was that its really too early for too much of anything, and I think that's true for most pregnancies at this stage.
There's a real chance one may do or say something they'll heavily regret later, when there really is a bit of time here to take it all in.
Being overly excited puts a lot of pressure on any pregnant person who's not even past the first trimester.
That's kinda what I meant by being neutral. I think it also heavily depends on the personality and life goals of the person.
For me, for example, it would have been a complete disaster and not at all possible with my chosen path.
But for the OP's daughter, who wants to teach, a child is quite probably not the end of the world.
I will say that ths has strengthened my resolve to be absolutely clear and set boundaries with my own daughter about what we will and will not do in this situation when it comes to her. So that she'll think twice before being careless with contraception.
I do not want to be in a position where I have to choose between my daughter's well being and having to look after a newborn. Because I don't see how a dependent 19 year old is going to be able to do it without a LOT of help, and it would absolutely break my heart to see her struggle with it.
Anybody here reading this thread who's thinking having a baby before college or any type of independent life is a good idea because it works out for some, please reconsider. It's a long lonely road.
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