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Old 09-06-2013, 04:28 PM
 
Location: Warren County and loving it!
5,313 posts, read 7,573,355 times
Reputation: 2880

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You all are fantastic with your advice and I thank you so much for it. I'm taking something away from each of your posts.

I'm also grateful that you haven't bashed me as a parent for not being as supportive of her situation as a lot of parents might be given that she's out of high school. Basically thank you for understanding the emotional turmoil.

I am definitely doing the white board thing during our talk.

I have come to find out that only his dad is happy about it. His mom is not but doesn't want her husband getting mad at her. Strange, I know. But it's not my home, it's hers.

I also just found out that they're moving. Closer to us but into a smaller home with no room for the new family either. I am hopeful that my talk with them will be eye opening for them. I will make it clear that the new family or even a portion of it will not be living with us.

I will emotionally support them but that's it.
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Old 09-06-2013, 04:41 PM
 
Location: Living on the Coast in Oxnard CA
15,733 posts, read 26,766,913 times
Reputation: 20366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerseyt719 View Post
He will be 20 next week. She is scheduled to get her Associates 18 days after the baby is due. He will graduate tech school for welding around the same time.

She wanted to be a teacher but I don't see how she can continue on with a baby to care for. I am no where near retirement and cannot help her with child care. I still have to support my family.
My daughters teacher from last year just had a baby. Other teachers have had them. It is possible for a teacher to have a baby and a career in teaching.
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Old 09-06-2013, 04:44 PM
 
Location: Living on the Coast in Oxnard CA
15,733 posts, read 26,766,913 times
Reputation: 20366
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyonpa View Post
Post 2 15 21 25 All suggest Adoption.
I suggested adoption in post #12. I don't believe in abortion.
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Old 09-06-2013, 04:55 PM
 
Location: North America
14,210 posts, read 10,107,724 times
Reputation: 5547
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
She does need to go in with her eyes WIDE open, however. Let's not mistake your pro-teen pregnancy stance for easy peasy.
Who said I was pro teen pregnancy :-P? I'm not at all. I don't however believe life ends for someone if they have one either. You can still achieve your dreams if you want to.

Last edited by ~HecateWhisperCat~; 09-06-2013 at 05:04 PM..
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Old 09-06-2013, 05:01 PM
 
Location: North America
14,210 posts, read 10,107,724 times
Reputation: 5547
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerseyt719 View Post
You all are fantastic with your advice and I thank you so much for it. I'm taking something away from each of your posts.

I'm also grateful that you haven't bashed me as a parent for not being as supportive of her situation as a lot of parents might be given that she's out of high school. Basically thank you for understanding the emotional turmoil.

I am definitely doing the white board thing during our talk.

I have come to find out that only his dad is happy about it. His mom is not but doesn't want her husband getting mad at her. Strange, I know. But it's not my home, it's hers.

I also just found out that they're moving. Closer to us but into a smaller home with no room for the new family either. I am hopeful that my talk with them will be eye opening for them. I will make it clear that the new family or even a portion of it will not be living with us.

I will emotionally support them but that's it.

Curiously though, if you already pay her bills, why would you stop now? While I imagine I can understand her not being able to live with you due to space constraints, I don't see why this would alter what you have already been doing anyway.
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Old 09-06-2013, 05:12 PM
 
Location: Warren County and loving it!
5,313 posts, read 7,573,355 times
Reputation: 2880
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
Curiously though, if you already pay her bills, why would you stop now? While I imagine I can understand her not being able to live with you due to space constraints, I don't see why this would alter what you have already been doing anyway.
I've been paying a roof over her head, food, car insurance, bought the first car. She wrecked it so I made her buy this one herself, her clothing, medical insurance, prescriptions, just basic living so she could concentrate on school. I didn't have that luxury but wanted better for my kids.

I still have two other kids left at home. I can't do it.

I can only emotionally support her. I feel as though we have given so much for her to succeed and get ahead without worrying like we did by going to school and paying bills. I just can't support this.
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Old 09-06-2013, 05:13 PM
 
12,632 posts, read 7,545,706 times
Reputation: 23781
Quote:
Originally Posted by SOON2BNSURPRISE View Post
My daughters teacher from last year just had a baby. Other teachers have had them. It is possible for a teacher to have a baby and a career in teaching.
The OP is talking about her daughter finishing school. Of course women are able to have a baby while working, that wasn't the issue. She is getting her associate's degree shortly after the baby is born, and will still need to get her bachelor's degree. Finishing her associate's degree on time isn't really a guarantee yet. She might not have a great pregnancy, and going to class all the way up until she has the baby and then for 3 weeks afterwards might not work. Or it might work out great, but its perfectly reasonable for the OP to have concerns. There was a girl in one of my education classes that had a baby towards the end of the semester. She never missed a day of class, except for 2 days when she was having the baby. She was able to come back and finish the semester with no problem. But then another girl I knew Freshman year had her baby about 3 weeks before the end of fall semester over. She thought everything was going to work out perfectly since she would have a week off school for Thanksgiving break to rest up. She ended up with some complications during delivery that kept her in the hospital. She wasn't able to finish her last 3 weeks, and she never returned to school.
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Old 09-06-2013, 05:19 PM
 
Location: North America
14,210 posts, read 10,107,724 times
Reputation: 5547
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerseyt719 View Post
I've been paying a roof over her head, food, car insurance, bought the first car. She wrecked it so I made her buy this one herself, her clothing, medical insurance, prescriptions, just basic living so she could concentrate on school. I didn't have that luxury but wanted better for my kids.

I still have two other kids left at home. I can't do it.

I can only emotionally support her. I feel as though we have given so much for her to succeed and get ahead without worrying like we did by going to school and paying bills. I just can't support this.
But like I said, you are already doing that. Why could you afford it then, but suddenly you can't? I can understand not going above, and beyond. You also have to remember that right now you, and the husband are flooded with emotions. When you both come down from things, your opinions might alter.
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Old 09-06-2013, 05:20 PM
 
Location: North America
14,210 posts, read 10,107,724 times
Reputation: 5547
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00 View Post
The OP is talking about her daughter finishing school. Of course women are able to have a baby while working, that wasn't the issue. She is getting her associate's degree shortly after the baby is born, and will still need to get her bachelor's degree. Finishing her associate's degree on time isn't really a guarantee yet. She might not have a great pregnancy, and going to class all the way up until she has the baby and then for 3 weeks afterwards might not work. Or it might work out great, but its perfectly reasonable for the OP to have concerns. There was a girl in one of my education classes that had a baby towards the end of the semester. She never missed a day of class, except for 2 days when she was having the baby. She was able to come back and finish the semester with no problem. But then another girl I knew Freshman year had her baby about 3 weeks before the end of fall semester over. She thought everything was going to work out perfectly since she would have a week off school for Thanksgiving break to rest up. She ended up with some complications during delivery that kept her in the hospital. She wasn't able to finish her last 3 weeks, and she never returned to school.
Depends on the degree really. There are several A.A. degrees that can give a good living after you leave school.
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Old 09-06-2013, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Warren County and loving it!
5,313 posts, read 7,573,355 times
Reputation: 2880
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
But like I said, you are already doing that. Why could you afford it then, but suddenly you can't? I can understand not going above, and beyond. You also have to remember that right now you, and the husband are flooded with emotions. When you both come down from things, your opinions might alter.
I mean to raise another child. I also don't have room in the house. It just won't work.

You're right. I'm so emotional now. I won't have my talk with them until Sunday.
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