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Old 04-13-2014, 06:43 PM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,605,736 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaded View Post
I think you are making this a personal matter when it has nothing to do with you. We have no idea what type of father he will be...and your assumption is irresponsible at best. I've stated my opinion to the OP, that's for whom it was intended.
It's not any more personal for me than it is for you. I stated my opposing opinion for the OP, that's for whom it is intended.
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Old 04-13-2014, 07:17 PM
 
2,098 posts, read 2,481,492 times
Reputation: 9739
I would give the baby the mother's last name. If there comes a point, say five years in the future, when the mother and father are in a stable, committed relationship, perhaps even married, they can always agree to change the name then so the entire family shares the same name before the child starts kindergarten. If that never happens? Oh well. The baby will only have the name of one of its parents and there's no particular reason it needs to be dad's.

That said, I do think it's inappropriate to invite the father's brother to the shower and not the father. I don't care who the brother is dating. I don't care how the mother feels about the father right this minute--she chose to have his baby and with that comes the responsibility to foster as good a relationship as possible for the sake of the child. If the father of the child was not invited, it was a huge slap in the face to invite the brother. Fine if she wasn't going to invite the father, but that shouldn't have included the extra slap in the face of having the brother there just because he's the sister's boyfriend. OP, this seems like a family that LOVES drama. I would do everything possible to minimize that bleeding into your lives, which means learning to steer clear of situations like this that sour feelings for a long time. You will wind up hurting no one in the end more than your grandchild.
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Old 04-14-2014, 12:10 AM
 
Location: Finland
6,423 posts, read 7,203,859 times
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I think its a good idea for the baby to have the mum's name. I really regret giving my daughter her father's last name. It just makes sense for the child to have the name of the primary parent.
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Old 04-14-2014, 02:48 AM
 
1,851 posts, read 3,387,111 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
It's not any more personal for me than it is for you. I stated my opposing opinion for the OP, that's for whom it is intended.
Really? Truly original! You compared your situation to the OP's. Just because your child's father bailed doesn't mean her granddaughter's will. That's what I meant by you making it personal. At the end of the day, it's her daughter's decision.
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Old 04-14-2014, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,499 posts, read 53,776,198 times
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I wonder how many families today decide to give the children only the father's last name. I'm sure it is a majority but more and more of us are going the hyphenated route or simply the mother's name if she is a single parent. Our kids all have 4 names with a first name, middle name, my name and daddy's name. I think if I knew the father would not be in the child's life I would rather just give the child only my last name. But that's just me.

I have a teacher friend who told me she long ago stopped expecting Fred Smith's parents to be Mary Smith and Bill Smith. Some families every single member of the family has a different last name. It's a sign of the times. Doesn't mean it is wrong or right.
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Old 04-14-2014, 05:02 PM
 
1,851 posts, read 3,387,111 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
I wonder how many families today decide to give the children only the father's last name. I'm sure it is a majority but more and more of us are going the hyphenated route or simply the mother's name if she is a single parent. Our kids all have 4 names with a first name, middle name, my name and daddy's name. I think if I knew the father would not be in the child's life I would rather just give the child only my last name. But that's just me.

I have a teacher friend who told me she long ago stopped expecting Fred Smith's parents to be Mary Smith and Bill Smith. Some families every single member of the family has a different last name. It's a sign of the times. Doesn't mean it is wrong or right.
Interesting articles on what mothers/families do and have done:

Whose last name should you give your baby? | BabyCenter

Baby Surnames - To Hyphenate or Not?

Last edited by Jaded; 04-14-2014 at 05:03 PM.. Reason: fixed link
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Old 04-14-2014, 05:18 PM
 
2,098 posts, read 2,481,492 times
Reputation: 9739
Quote:
I have a teacher friend who told me she long ago stopped expecting Fred Smith's parents to be Mary Smith and Bill Smith. Some families every single member of the family has a different last name. It's a sign of the times. Doesn't mean it is wrong or right.
I think most teachers don't care as long as it's not one of *those* parents who gets all huffy and put out when they answer the phone and the teacher asks for "Mrs. Smith." Often the step-dads are the worst as if it's some personal affront for the teacher to assume as a first guess the mother has the same name as the child and it turns out it's the ex-husband's name. The angriest ones are usually those who don't bother to keep the school up to date with their information so it's not right in front of you when you try to call.
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Old 04-14-2014, 06:26 PM
 
6,497 posts, read 11,768,838 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kitkatbar View Post
I think most teachers don't care as long as it's not one of *those* parents who gets all huffy and put out when they answer the phone and the teacher asks for "Mrs. Smith." Often the step-dads are the worst as if it's some personal affront for the teacher to assume as a first guess the mother has the same name as the child and it turns out it's the ex-husband's name. The angriest ones are usually those who don't bother to keep the school up to date with their information so it's not right in front of you when you try to call.

LOL, you reminded me of a co-worker who got irked when this happened... so I just told him, "well, you and the kid's mom created this mess!"
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Old 04-14-2014, 08:09 PM
 
16,825 posts, read 17,630,475 times
Reputation: 20851
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaded View Post
Interesting articles on what mothers/families do and have done:

Whose last name should you give your baby? | BabyCenter

Baby Surnames - To Hyphenate or Not?
Interesting links, thanks for sharing.
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Old 04-14-2014, 10:41 PM
 
6,720 posts, read 8,332,231 times
Reputation: 10409
Well, I think everyone pretty much stated their view points pretty well. I think we should agree to disagree, as the girl will choose what works for her situation. That got heated pretty fast.

I really care about jersey and this thread and I don't want it to devolve into a tit for tat thread.

Maybe we should have a new thread about naming a child after the mother or father.
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