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Old 09-11-2013, 07:49 AM
 
9,295 posts, read 16,577,548 times
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I am a grandparent raised four children, now with kids of their own. You can say "things are different nowadays or I'm out of touch" but after reading some of these replies I'm taken back by two main points. One being no child, or grandchild of mine, ever DEMANDED something without being told to go to their room and come back when they could discuss the issue appropriately. My other thought is why so many parents feel the child MUST have these clothes, phones, computers, etc. or otherwise will be less popular. In my opinion popularity is short lived and a lesson in earning what you want or need and "you can't have everything you want" is more important in life. When that child goes on to college it won't matter that in 6-7-8th grade they didn't have UGGs nor will those friendships with the so called popular group still exist. My one granddaughter (14) attends a private school (on scholarship, due to limited public school). She is surrounded by those whose parents are quite well off, doctors, lawyers, etc. Her parents are teachers. She knows the value of a dollar, loves to shop on sale, doesn't have a fancy phone, rather just a trac phone for emergencies. She has a IPOD which we gave her as a birthday/Christmas present. She was very happy to buy Bear Claw boots which we on sale and similar to the look of UGGs.

Sadly parents seem to be more interested in continually giving children what they want instead of the attention they need. It's harder to say "no" than it is to say "yes." Just sayin...
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Old 09-11-2013, 08:11 AM
 
1,156 posts, read 1,958,696 times
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I think the answer here is quite simple. YOU are the parent. You know what your financial situation is. You know how well behaved your child is. Will she throw an "I hate you" fit if you say no? Probably. But it will be a life lesson that she can't always get what she wants.
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Old 09-11-2013, 08:22 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,538,579 times
Reputation: 42762
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellwood View Post
I am a grandparent raised four children, now with kids of their own. You can say "things are different nowadays or I'm out of touch" but after reading some of these replies I'm taken back by two main points. One being no child, or grandchild of mine, ever DEMANDED something without being told to go to their room and come back when they could discuss the issue appropriately. My other thought is why so many parents feel the child MUST have these clothes, phones, computers, etc. or otherwise will be less popular.
If you mean parents in this thread, I got the opposite impression. Most of the parents agreed that spending money doesn't guarantee popularity and encouraged teaching the daughter to budget and save.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellwood View Post
In my opinion popularity is short lived and a lesson in earning what you want or need and "you can't have everything you want" is more important in life. When that child goes on to college it won't matter that in 6-7-8th grade they didn't have UGGs nor will those friendships with the so called popular group still exist.
This is usually true, but it's really no comfort at all to a child to be told to hang tough for six years and it'll probably be okay after that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellwood View Post
My one granddaughter (14) attends a private school (on scholarship, due to limited public school). She is surrounded by those whose parents are quite well off, doctors, lawyers, etc. Her parents are teachers. She knows the value of a dollar, loves to shop on sale, doesn't have a fancy phone, rather just a trac phone for emergencies. She has a IPOD which we gave her as a birthday/Christmas present. She was very happy to buy Bear Claw boots which we on sale and similar to the look of UGGs.
I believe most of the parents in this thread said something similar. Knockoffs aren't that big a deal, shop sales, save big-ticket items for Christmas, etc. You admonish parents above about being indulgent, but you bought your granddaughter an iPhone and recognize her desire for the furry boots that all the other girls are wearing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellwood View Post
Sadly parents seem to be more interested in continually giving children what they want instead of the attention they need. It's harder to say "no" than it is to say "yes." Just sayin...
Not sure who you're talking about here, unless you mean the freshman in college with big ideas about what parents should spend their money on. There was also a recent thread about video games and one poster who said that children had the right to any video game that the parent could afford. Not sure that person is a parent but I got a chuckle out of that one.
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Old 09-11-2013, 08:48 AM
 
3,279 posts, read 5,286,249 times
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It's very easy.

Child: "I want those $200 shoes, that phone there, etc."
You: "No."
Child: "Why?"
You: "Because I said so."
Child: "I HATE YOU!!"
You: "I don't care."

Solved.
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Old 09-11-2013, 08:56 AM
 
Location: Lauderdale by the Sea, Florida
384 posts, read 592,202 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by larrytxeast View Post
It's very easy.

Child: "I want those $200 shoes, that phone there, etc."
You: "No."
Child: "Why?"
You: "Because I said so."
Child: "I HATE YOU!!"
You: "I don't care."

Solved.
I would at least explain why she can't get the boots, then offer some alternatives (maybe for a birthday/Christmas/other holiday) or she could do extra chores, etc. "Because I said so" isn't an end all, and the daughter will mull over this question forever until you give her the reason you're not buying it for her. It's better to explain the real reason upfront than to leave her guessing about why she can't have what she wants.
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Old 09-11-2013, 09:34 AM
 
2,755 posts, read 4,380,840 times
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School kinda sucks. Kids are superficial. Peer pressure is rough. It's even more obvious these days who has $$ with all the gadgets kids want (and get...), and unfortunately that was often tied to popularity in middle/high school. Yes, it shouldn't matter, but it does. I couldn't wait to grow up and get to college.

Yes, you need to teach your kids financial responsibility, good values etc...

As someone who lived on the "less desirable" part of town and wore hand-me-downs from a distant family friend into high school, I remember well the desire to just blend in.... You can be sure I never wore Uggs, and I would never dare ask for them.

But what did help was the very rare purchase of one specialty item that I valued highly and took good care of. It was always bought on sale, so I learned the value of careful shopping. And it was usually something that would last a long time, for example, I wouldn't grow out of it in one season.... or it wasn't worth it. I also worked myself and bought things on my own if they were important to me. This is a really important learning experience and improved my value system.
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Old 09-11-2013, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,332,366 times
Reputation: 41121
Quote:
Originally Posted by larrytxeast View Post
It's very easy.

Child: "I want those $200 shoes, that phone there, etc."
You: "No."
Child: "Why?"
You: "Because I said so."
Child: "I HATE YOU!!"
You: "I don't care."

Solved.
Solved only if your purpose is to dictate rather than to teach/guide/parent.

These are great teaching opportunities....I can't imagine passing up the discussion on why and/or how, for no real reason than to do some chest thumping. Pretty sad actually.
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Old 09-11-2013, 09:48 AM
 
Location: Lauderdale by the Sea, Florida
384 posts, read 592,202 times
Reputation: 577
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
If you mean parents in this thread, I got the opposite impression. Most of the parents agreed that spending money doesn't guarantee popularity and encouraged teaching the daughter to budget and save.



This is usually true, but it's really no comfort at all to a child to be told to hang tough for six years and it'll probably be okay after that.



I believe most of the parents in this thread said something similar. Knockoffs aren't that big a deal, shop sales, save big-ticket items for Christmas, etc. You admonish parents above about being indulgent, but you bought your granddaughter an iPhone and recognize her desire for the furry boots that all the other girls are wearing.



Not sure who you're talking about here, unless you mean the freshman in college with big ideas about what parents should spend their money on. There was also a recent thread about video games and one poster who said that children had the right to any video game that the parent could afford. Not sure that person is a parent but I got a chuckle out of that one.
What's the harm in buying your children nice things once in a blue moon?
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Old 09-11-2013, 09:54 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,332,366 times
Reputation: 41121
Quote:
Originally Posted by LPDAL View Post
What's the harm in buying your children nice things once in a blue moon?
Nothing. But that isn't the topic at hand. Go back and read the OP.
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Old 09-11-2013, 09:56 AM
 
1,515 posts, read 2,262,375 times
Reputation: 3138
Quote:
Originally Posted by LPDAL View Post
What's the harm in buying your children nice things once in a blue moon?
There isn't any harm at all. Both my kids get those coveted name brand or expensive things on a special occasion. Birthdays, Christmas, earning it, etc. Once in a blue moon. I'm sure that most posters on this thread do the same.

On a regular basis and especially with a demanding attitude? Nope. Not going to happen.
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