Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well your post didn't comment on any other options, just spank or nothing so forgive me for misunderstanding you.
Sometimes ignoring the behaviour is the most effective strategy though, obviously not in a restaurant though for the sake of the other customers but in a shop for instance, I usually ignore my toddler's tantrums and walk away and it works. What I'm saying is, you might think a parent is 'doing nothing' but in actual fact they might be purposefully not giving attention to the bad behaviour because they know children will do things that gain attention but not things that don't gain attention.
Oh, you're not doing nothing, that's true. What you're doing is teaching your child. You're teaching your child that they can behave that way in shops, if not restaurants. Now, if you really want to teach them how to be civilized, take them out of the shop and THEN ignore them. This is not for the sake of your fellow patrons (who, clearly, you care nothing about anyway), but for the child. All of this, really, is about doing what's best for the child, and disciplining the child, teaching the child how to maintain discipline themselves as they are older, and teaching them what behavior is appropriate and acceptable in public places goes a long way towards helping them along in life later. Teaching them that poor behavior is acceptable, even by ignoring it, means that they then need to unlearn what you've already taught them (whether you think you are or not) at a time when what they learn really really sticks, and then try to learn something the complete opposite. Not easy, and often not even possible, for some. You are, in essence, making life harder for your child.
I'd like to say that I've had meals (lunch, usually) at very nice restaurants with very small children who behaved beautifully. In observing, I noticed that their parents were on top of it, kept meltdowns from happening by being ever on the alert for problems, including the child in the conversation appropriately, and by graciously pointing out that it was time for lunch to be over when tiredness first raised its head in the eyes of their child. There had clearly been a great deal of work done at home, and in transitioning the child to nicer venues, and in being aware of the child's limitations due to age. I was applauding wildly in my head.
UGH, I threw up a little in my mouth reading the nasty responses in this thread. I should have known better than to read this "children should be seen and not heard" manifesto.
But in the restaurant, there are LOTS of people who go there to eat out in a nice peaceful atmosphere & don't appreciate it being spoiled by noise pollution. "Deal with it" my foot. It's more like "nip it in the bud," else someone (like the restaurant management) is going to nip YOU (like the Applebee's booting the one family a couple of weeks ago), and to that I say "good."
You're worried about noise pollution?
So.... do your kids cry when they're spanked? When you took them into the bathroom of the church to "tear their butts up" (your description) did they cry?
I hate hearing kids cry when their parents are tearing up their butts. I especially hate hearing what parents usually say to their kids right before they spank them. (It's usually not anything kind and loving.) Do I get the same peaceful atmosphere you're asking for when you go out for $5 Burger Night at Applebees?
Last edited by DewDropInn; 10-01-2013 at 07:38 PM..
Oh, you're not doing nothing, that's true. What you're doing is teaching your child. You're teaching your child that they can behave that way in shops, if not restaurants. Now, if you really want to teach them how to be civilized, take them out of the shop and THEN ignore them. This is not for the sake of your fellow patrons (who, clearly, you care nothing about anyway), but for the child. All of this, really, is about doing what's best for the child, and disciplining the child, teaching the child how to maintain discipline themselves as they are older, and teaching them what behavior is appropriate and acceptable in public places goes a long way towards helping them along in life later. Teaching them that poor behavior is acceptable, even by ignoring it, means that they then need to unlearn what you've already taught them (whether you think you are or not) at a time when what they learn really really sticks, and then try to learn something the complete opposite. Not easy, and often not even possible, for some. You are, in essence, making life harder for your child.
Taking them out of the shop just teaches them that by behaving that way they can get out of places they don't want to be. By ignoring it you teach them that behaving that way gets no attention so its pointless. Shops are noisy places in general, a kid having a little tantrum isn't going to disturb anyone anymore than the usual shop noises (besides, my kid tends to do silent tantrums rather than screaming ones). Ignoring her is the most effective strategy I have used so I use it whenever possible. And as for my fellow patrons, well they tend to give my supportive smiles or comments so I think they're pretty fine with my method.
It's tricky since that one seems to depend on the kid. Some kids act out for attention so when you ignore it instead of reacting to it, they stop and fairly quickly. Some kids act out because they enjoy it and will only stop if there's a consequence so ignoring it only reinforces it and allows it to persist.
I'd hope the average parent learns how to tell which one of these situations they're in with their child but in the event that they're not sure, I'd say that if your child runs amuck for an hour, it might be a sign that ignoring it isn't helping lol And I definitely would view that parent as "doing nothing" rather than strategically not feeding into it. After a certain amount of time or a certain escalation in behavior, it borders on ridiculous if you don't at least make an attempt to curb it.
Taking them out of the shop just teaches them that by behaving that way they can get out of places they don't want to be.
Not if you stuff them in the car to finish their tantrum. What did you do, buy them an ice cream!"
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
