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There was news some time in the last few years about a restaurant that wanted to ban patrons with young children and how common it's becoming. I remember reading the comments on the article. Many people without kids (and even some with) said they thought it was a fantastic idea a long time coming because they can't stand having their social outings (movies, dining out, etc) ruined by babies crying or little kids that can't behave.
Many parents objected saying they have the right to go out and do things too and their lives shouldn't have to stop just because they have kids, pointing out that they can't always afford a babysitter or otherwise don't feel they should have to leave their kids at home just to make other people happy. People should just accept that they're kids.
I'm not a parent. Just curious how you all feel about it and how you handle it, especially if you know your kids are particularly unruly? Are there places you simply won't take them or do you just hope that people will be understanding? Do you feel badly when your kids are disturbing others or do you just take it as it is?
My 3.5 year old sucks at restaurants, he can't sit still, so I leave him at home. I don't think it's right to disturb restaurants, I think people have a reasonable expectation of decent behaviour.
I reject the idea that some kids are "bad" or "noisy." All kids, and adults for that matter, are noisy or bad at times. Sometimes you don't know when that moment will strike, and you might already be in the restaurant.
I have no problem with adults only restaurants. There are plenty of places I can take my kids to eat.
People whose kids continually disrupt in public are usually completely clueless and would not even get so far as to consider this question.
Nevertheless, as a non-parent, you need to understand that kids do not come with an "off" button, and as Kibbie said, you don't always know when things will escalate.
Part of being a good parent is understanding whether or not a situation is appropriate for your kid. If circumstances point to your child acting up (long wait, no nap, loud stimuli, whatever), then you need to leave him with a sitter.
I think (hope) everyone knows kids don't come with an off button lol I'm curious to see what others have to say. I don't remember which restaurant it was that first got in the news for it but it seems common enough now that there are plenty out there or ones that at least have age limits at certain times rather than outright banning children.
Ali, yes, many said the same thing, that their kid was terrible in certain settings so they always left them home to keep from disturbing others. Kib, so you believe all kids are the same? That there aren't ones more prone to being quiet and others more prone to making a ruckus? Or you just reject the labels bad and noisy? Wm, have you had times when you felt like you needed to leave your child at home? What was the scenario?
Someone could make a TON of money if they invented a way to predict when and where a child was going to go nuclear. I imagine inserting something into the brain would be involved. Which probably wouldn't go over well with most parents.
Or the child.
Here's an idea: Let's make all the people who expect kids to act like really short adults and who recoil in horror (not to mention make that judgey face) every time they have to (horrors) witness a child doing something tremendously normal (like cry) stay home. Want to hear a REALLY loud racket? Tell the people who call kids "spawn" that they need to take responsibility on their end. They'll make a two-year old crying because he doesn't like the peas touching his mashed potatoes sound like mimes. It would be epic.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 09-17-2013 at 08:47 PM..
The kids didn't cause this problem, it is the parents. Every day I see people who come into my work and think it is ok to simply let their kids run loose and tear up the place without saying a word.
When my two were that age I wouldn't have put up with it for one second. Bad kids are not born, they are made that way by inattentive, overly permissive parents.
I think (hope) everyone knows kids don't come with an off button lol I'm curious to see what others have to say. I don't remember which restaurant it was that first got in the news for it but it seems common enough now that there are plenty out there or ones that at least have age limits at certain times rather than outright banning children.
Ali, yes, many said the same thing, that their kid was terrible in certain settings so they always left them home to keep from disturbing others. Kib, so you believe all kids are the same? That there aren't ones more prone to being quiet and others more prone to making a ruckus? Or you just reject the labels bad and noisy? Wm, have you had times when you felt like you needed to leave your child at home? What was the scenario?
I didn't say all kids are the same. Even the ones who are normally quiet and well behaved are likely to have an outburst if they are tired or hungry. It wouldn't be fair to label that kid "bad." A stranger in a restaurant isn't going to know if the child is normally very well behaved, or is prone to outbursts, and it won't matter to them. I wouldn't suggest leaving all kids home all the time because they might make a noise in public.
I think (hope) everyone knows kids don't come with an off button lol I'm curious to see what others have to say. I don't remember which restaurant it was that first got in the news for it but it seems common enough now that there are plenty out there or ones that at least have age limits at certain times rather than outright banning children.
Ali, yes, many said the same thing, that their kid was terrible in certain settings so they always left them home to keep from disturbing others. Kib, so you believe all kids are the same? That there aren't ones more prone to being quiet and others more prone to making a ruckus? Or you just reject the labels bad and noisy? Wm, have you had times when you felt like you needed to leave your child at home? What was the scenario?
Private business owners have my support in making decisions for their business. I have three kids, and I am not a fan of toddlers running wild. If a restaurant owner wants to ban kids, I'm fine with it. It's easier than banning moms who are too self-involved to pay attention.
Before I had kids, I worked in a guidance office at a middle school with a population that had a lot of challenges. I observed parenting that worked, but more often than not I observed parenting that did NOT work. I knew that when I became a parent I did not want to have one of those families that would make people sigh with relief when we would leave, so I read books and talked to older moms and formulated my own ideas about how to make that happen.
I had twins first, so I erred on the side of caution. I left my kids home PLENTY of times when I had business to conduct or shopping that I really needed to concentrate on. My twins are 17, and we only had to leave a restaurant once, and it turned out one of the twins got sick later.
Honestly, "rowdy kids in public" is not a one-time situation that happens in a vacuum. "How to Behave in Public" is part of a whole lifetime parenting philosophy that starts when they are born. Parents have to learn their child's needs and limits, they need to be able to assess when public situations might cause stress, and they have to begin training their child VERY early on how their own behavior affects others.
And strangers need to quit judging everybody else anyway because we don't know what those other people are going through - who barfed in the car on the way over, who just got laid off, who had a horrible day at work and just needs to get this last thing done before heading home ...
The kids didn't cause this problem, it is the parents. Every day I see people who come into my work and think it is ok to simply let their kids run loose and tear up the place without saying a word.
When my two were that age I wouldn't have put up with it for one second. Bad kids are not born, they are made that way by inattentive, overly permissive parents.
Don
Exactly. I have 2 kids ages 4 & 6 and even at ages 2 & 4 (or heck, 1 & 3) they BEHAVED. You know why? They behaved because I EXPECTED THEM TO. I put the fear of God in them about what would happen to them if they didn't mind. I didn't hesitate to swat their butts good if they made the slightest protest, and I did so within SECONDS of it. SECONDS. I'd say "stop," if they did, good--if not, ON THE SPOT, we went to the bathroom and I laid into them.
They learned real quickly to shut their piehole if they knew what was good for them. If anyone wants to criticize it as "parenting by fear & intimidation," fine, call it what you will. I call it kids who behave so others can enjoy their meals in peace & quiet.
I can't tell you how many times people have come up to us & complimented us on how well behaved our kids were. We get it all the time. My reply has always been "isn't that normal?" and their reply always is "not at all, our own grandchildren would've tore the place apart by now." I tell them "it's easy, they mind because I EXPECT THEM TO."
I didn't like noisy, misbehaving kids when I was child-free, and I still don't like it. Except in special cases (autism comes to mind) it's completely avoidable and altogether unnecessary. It's an extremely rude imposition to put on other people who are spending a good chunk of money for a pleasant dining experience. Unless it's Chuck-E-Cheese or the McDonald's playground, there's no call for it whatsoever.
LRH
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