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Old 09-20-2013, 09:28 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,157,398 times
Reputation: 17797

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oleg Bach View Post
You don't drug your children with kiddie meth....Parents who opt for drugging their kids with stimulants will have to pay the price later...an underweight child...a child who will grow to be an adult and be a few inches shorter than nature intended - and as we know short tiny people become second class citizens...Don't drug your kids....cope with them--- feed them well...hydrate them...make sure they sleep...love them..........."I do not love him because he is good...I love him because he is my little child"......a child is more important than some piece of glass in a car...pay for the window and forget about it.

Do you treat schizophrenia? Bipolar disorder? What do you do when medication is all you have?
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Old 09-20-2013, 09:57 AM
 
31,387 posts, read 36,975,677 times
Reputation: 15038
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oleg Bach View Post
You don't drug your children with kiddie meth....Parents who opt for drugging their kids with stimulants will have to pay the price later...an underweight child...a child who will grow to be an adult and be a few inches shorter than nature intended - and as we know short tiny people become second class citizens...Don't drug your kids....cope with them
Sorry, but I have a now grown nephew who is 5'11" and 225lbs of muscle he was an absolute terror when off his meds as a kid and even as a young adult his rash behavior his day kept both the bail bondsman and a defense lawyer on speed dial, so unless you have your medical licesne hanging on the wall and have personally examined this child I suggest that you keep your treatment plan to yourself.
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Old 09-20-2013, 11:18 AM
 
Location: North America
14,204 posts, read 12,249,275 times
Reputation: 5565
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
OMG- it was an accident not an act of terror. Sure he should be punished but you are going WAY overboard.

I firmly believe all punishment should be related to the misdeed. How is having the kid sleep alone going to teach him anything?

Have him earn the money to pay for the window by doing extra chores. Have him help wash your cars and the neighbors as well as a way of saying Sorry.

I think you are way over thinking this. Your goal is to help the kid learn responsibility not isolate him from his family.
Please don't do all those things to him. he doesn't deserve such harsh treatment.

Also you would be punishing the older boy by taking him away from his own bedroom. What good does that do?
That made me giggle loudly for some reason.
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Old 09-20-2013, 11:24 AM
 
Location: oakland / berkeley
507 posts, read 914,413 times
Reputation: 404
I've often wondered if I was a kid today, would I have been diagnosed with various conditions (ADHD, autism spectrum, whatever) and medicated.
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Old 09-20-2013, 11:50 AM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,568 posts, read 18,069,299 times
Reputation: 16702
As a mother, stepmother, grandmother, and great-grandmother to a whole buncha boys, I think you have the concept correct, but you are not giving credit for the positive your son did - he confessed. Also, I think the consequence of pure punishment does not fit the crime. He broke a window = he earns the money to pay for it. Straight punishment is not an appropriate consequence in my book. Give him the opportunity to learn a positive from this experience, not just learn to never tell you when he is responsible for damage - because that's what this severe punishment is going to teach him.

He broke something. It was an accident and not an "on-purpose", as Judge Judy would say. So, he gets to pay for it. He can rake leaves in the neighborhood, dog walk, pull weeds, wash windows even. He can assist with garage clean-up, take trash out, etc. Use your imagination. Are there any elderly in the neighborhood who need some help doing anything? Give him the opportunity to help them (for no payment from them) and you donate the money to the "broken window fund". In the meantime, he is paying his "debt" while learning some skills and how to help others.

Consequence or discipline doesn't always have to involve an aversive/punishment. Think positive and teach problem solving/solution finding rather than just a punishment. And never forget to reward the positive action he took. I might say, since you told/confessed, we are going to reward that behavior by .... maybe only paying for half since it was an accident and not a deliberate.
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Old 09-20-2013, 01:30 PM
 
10,105 posts, read 19,349,683 times
Reputation: 17438
I haven't read through the entire thread, so I don't know if I'm addressing an already discussed point.

What about the owner of the car? He still needs to have his window replaced, which isn't cheap. You, as the parent, are legally responsible, because you let your kid play unsupervised and caused an accident. Probably the owner's comprehensive insurance will pay for the window, minus the deductible, which could be considerable. Many carry deductibles of $500, $1000 or more. You should man up and take responsibility for the neighbor's expenses. Then, get copies of the actual bill, and the insurance settlement, and what is left over. Let your son see those statements, and realize what a broken car window actually costs, not to mention the inconvenience of not being able to drive to work, etc, until the window is repaired.

IMO, we coddle kids way too much in this society. Whenever I tried to teach my kids personal responsibility, seemed someone was always taking up for them, saying oh, that's ok, he didn't mean it, or he's just a kid, etc, etc. Then, my words had no meaning I've had people actually "reward" the bad behavior, by praising them for apologizing, give them a cookie, etc. Next day, they would be doing the same destructive behavior again, and if I said anything, they would say, oh, its ok, Mr.Wilson doesn't mind! so then, I was the wicked witch, not letting the little dears do as they pleased!

No, the "injured party" doesn't need to go on a tirade about the destruction, but do let them know the actual damage, in terms of money, inconvenience, etc., don't sugar-coat it for their "little feelings". That's how we have kids turn into little terrors who do as they please.

I realize the child in this thread is 9-years old, do have the punishment fit the crime and the age. I would have him add up all the expenses, then, how many hours working at min wage would it take to pay off ALL the expenses? Then, I would have him give the neighbor his $10, and perhaps do work for him, such as yard work, wash car, etc, until at least a percentage of the damages were paid off, assuming min wage.

Oh, well, I assume I will get the usual gang of MaryLeeII bashers who will pull up old posts to show what a lousey parent I am, but just pretend my advice came from another poster!
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