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Who do you think should pay for the window? Or are you suggesting that you should just pay for it in hopes that your kid will learn to follow your example? For all you know, your daughter may not know what a check is or how it works for that matter. That is just teaching your kid that daddy and mommy will bail you out of anything if you get in trouble.
First of all, you didn't answer my question about who should clean up the mess that the broken window created.
To asnwer yours, I think for a kid who is 9, the parents should pay for the window. The kid should clean up the mess.
Whether anymore penalty / punishment / recovery would be important depends on things that I can't feel out from what has been posted here.
It teaches him that you pay for the damages when you break things. Maybe the concept of money is a bit foreign at age 9, but the act of watching you write out a check and delivering it to your neighbor is something that your kids learn.
A couple day ago, my neighbors kid got injured at school, so I asked my almost 3 year old to make a card and mom made cookies, and then my daughter took them over (with us, of course). You could say she didn't learn much because mom made the cookies and all she had to do was walk with us, but I think she learned that when something sad happens to another person, you should do something thoughtful for them. Of course, that lesson may have been lost and she may not have picked up on it, but at least she had the opportunity to pick up on it.
Going to visit a sick neighbor teaches compassion and a sense of community not responsibility.
Watching someone else pay for your mistake does not teach responsibility either.
Finally, the kid already took responsibility by admitting he was responsible. What he needs to still learn is that along with admitting responsibility, he needs to make amends regarding the property he damaged. He does that by paying for the money he BORROWED when his parent paid for the window he broke.
Children needs to learn that objects have value, whether it is a friends toys or the neighbors car window. They only learn value by working. Your obsession about cleaning up the glass would send the message that the mistake was making a mess, not respecting other's property.
When we break something, we write out a check to pay for it. Teaching your kid to that teaches the value of being responsible.
It does not teach the value of money/property.The value of money/property is a separate lesson that may or may not need to be taught, but can be handled separately.
A kid that does not understand the value of a checkbook needs to be taught the value of money, even if he/she never breaks anything in his life.
Who cares who cleans up the glass? The broken glass isn't the issue. Replacement of the window is the issue. If someone broke your window would you be more upset about having to clean up the mess or about having to pay to replace the window?
Watching dad write a check teaches nothing. earning your own money and spending it on your mistake teaches a lesson.
Kids don't understand check books and debit cards. They understand cash. Watching dad write a check with no concept of how much money is in the account or how long it takes to earn it teaches nothing.
OMG- it was an accident not an act of terror. Sure he should be punished but you are going WAY overboard.
I firmly believe all punishment should be related to the misdeed. How is having the kid sleep alone going to teach him anything?
Have him earn the money to pay for the window by doing extra chores. Have him help wash your cars and the neighbors as well as a way of saying Sorry.
I think you are way over thinking this. Your goal is to help the kid learn responsibility not isolate him from his family.
Please don't do all those things to him. he doesn't deserve such harsh treatment.
Also you would be punishing the older boy by taking him away from his own bedroom. What good does that do?
I have not yet read all the other posts, but I TOTALLY agree with this. "Natural consequences" is the best way to handle something like this, in my opinion. If you do "X", then "Y" (something related) will happen.
I, too, think this was an unfortunate accident. The punishments administered by the OP do not relate to what happened. The better lesson learned is for the boy to be given opportunities to earn whatever it costs to pay for the broken window, and to apologize to the neighbor. That is what makes perfect sense to me.
I feel like I'm a very good dad, constantly putting more importance to love than punishment.
But I also understand the importance of punishment, I just don't want to go overboard.
My 9-year-old son has ADHD and is very impulsive but aside from that he's a very good and caring kid
He was playing in our front yard by himself with some sticks and rocks and for whatever reason threw a rock and hit the side window of our neighbor's SUV and busted it.
Right away he felt bad, told us what he did, offered to give the neighbor all his savings (about $10), etc, etc.
This is the way I punished him: One week - Our middle son (his bestfriend) has to sleep in another room, same room as our toddler, so now he has to sleep alone for one week One week - Has to stay in his room everyday Two weeks - Aside from his regular chores, he has to put dishes in the dishwasher and take them out and put them away everyday One month - No computer, video games, movies or TV.
Does it seem ok? Not enough? Too much?
You just said he has ADHD. Why in the world would you "punish" him at all? What about providing more structure for him, as it is obvious he gravitates towards negative behaviors when left to his own devices. It think it's mean for you to deprive him of his sibling, make him be holed up in his room and the other things when you made it clear that he has impulse control issues.
You seem to have difficulty understanding the difference between doing something on purpose (like being malicious) and having a hard time NOT doing things because of brain wiring differences or chemical imbalances.
I just read the OP, not the other posts. That's insanely harsh punishment for an accident. It's almost cruel to make him sleep by himself for a week if you know that will scare him. Keeping him in his room for a week doesn't teach him anything, neither does any other punishment you listed.
The punishment should fit the crime. The natural consequence of breaking something is paying for it. He should work it off via chores at your house and/or the neighbor's house.
He can't move around the house for a week? Just stay in his room? That's sort of cruel, especially for an accident. No TV, or games or computer for a month seems excessive to me too. I mean all three together. One or any two of those combined would seem more fair at least to me.
You know they say idle hands are the devil's workshop, and you say he has ADHD. Instead of making him go crazy deprived of activity you should give him something to do. Yard work, cleaning the house, something like that. Doing nothing just gives you time to get bitter and think of other things to do that you shouldn't.
Right away he felt bad, told us what he did, offered to give the neighbor all his savings (about $10), etc, etc.
I don't see the point of the punishment. We punish to send home a message about behavior, it seems to me that all the lessons that one might teach were immediately recognized. I see no point in punishing a child who tells you about a mistake, feels remorse for it and offers to make restitution. What point does punishment serve?
Signed, anything but a liberal when it comes to discipline.
I don't see the point of the punishment. We punish to send home a message about behavior, it seems to me that all the lessons that one might teach were immediately recognized. I see no point in punishing a child who tells you about a mistake, feels remorse for it and offers to make restitution. What point does punishment serve?
Signed, anything but a liberal when it comes to discipline.
That makes sense to me. But the way I grew up, I'm used to being punished for something even if it was an accident and I took responsibility because I still had to punished for doing something wrong. I wasn't stupid, I knew when I deserved a punishment and when I didn't and it made me very bitter when I felt I received an unfair punishment.
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