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Old 09-21-2013, 02:13 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,478,218 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hunterseat View Post
Didn't read everything here but my thoughts are to get him in activities that will bond him to like-minded kids. Or get him a motorcycle. That'll make him popular!
Yes, and some kids are doomed to being social nobodies in school --- but that doesn't mean they can't have outside activities and groups to look forward to in the evening or weekends.

They can join 4-H, church clubs, theater groups, get in volunteer groups --- whatever their interests are and meet more like-minded people.

Some kids have a problems because they are the kind that skip over been "teens", they never get into the frivolous aspects of the typical teen years, they may seem juvenile to other teens but they relate better with adults. Some actually see their fellow teens more from the eyes of an adult -- and so cannot really fit in with them.
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Old 09-21-2013, 02:22 PM
 
Location: Coos Bay, Oregon
7,138 posts, read 10,978,390 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
OP I have to disagree with this. By middle school, the teachers and administration don't expect to be teaching the kids social skills, right or wrong. That job is supposed to be done in elementary school. You don't be doing your son any favors with his peers if he winds up with a Mamma's boy, run to the teacher reputation.

HE can work this out with guidance from you.
The teachers see him everyday. They could very well be aware of what his problems are. Talking to the teachers could be very valuable.
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Old 09-21-2013, 03:04 PM
 
Location: Coos Bay, Oregon
7,138 posts, read 10,978,390 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DitsyD View Post
At my daughter's school, the principal wants kids or parents to talk to the teachers if there are problems like this. He has assigned seats in the cafeteria for the first six weeks so that students are forced to sit with a mix of old and new people. He is an anti-bullying fiend.
Well, I can tell by that, that principal is a FAIL. Assigned seats are the worst thing they can do to try and stop bullying. There is nothing like a kid getting an assigned seat sitting right next to his bully.

If the principal is really concerned about stopping bullying, he should be enforcing the school's code of conduct. Not worrying about where students are sitting in the lunch room.
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Old 09-23-2013, 04:43 AM
 
Location: The Beautiful Pocono Mountains
5,450 posts, read 8,736,632 times
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Middle school is miserable!!!!

Kids usually have one really bad year there. Parents can't wait for that year to be over. Usually it's a little better for the boys than the girls. Girls are downright nasty at that age.

I don't know what exactly gets into kids at that age but I think it may be group mentality and insecurity.

Kids that age tend to be very insecure. When they feel badly about themselves, sometimes the easiest way to deal with it is to make others feel bad about themselves.

Your son probably was called annoying by one kid and another overheard it and so on and so on. Group mentality. If he pulled them aside one by one I promise not one of them could come up with why they called him annoying. This is typical middle school drama.

And the schools crack me up. If you say someone said something mean, they will call the kid in and the kid will say no I didn't and that's the end of it.

It's awful, I know. It will pass. Even though it doesn't seem like it will. This I know too.

Best of luck and make sure your son is comfortable in his own skin. That will get him through any pressuring he may encounter.
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Old 09-23-2013, 05:42 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,135,403 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Yes, and some kids are doomed to being social nobodies in school
I don't see the "doom" in that. The vast majority of "popular" kids are tools that have to act in manner to keep themselves such. Do people really want that for their kids?
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Old 09-23-2013, 08:04 AM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
90,316 posts, read 120,288,414 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerseyt719 View Post
Middle school is miserable!!!!

Kids usually have one really bad year there. Parents can't wait for that year to be over. Usually it's a little better for the boys than the girls. Girls are downright nasty at that age.

I don't know what exactly gets into kids at that age but I think it may be group mentality and insecurity.

Kids that age tend to be very insecure. When they feel badly about themselves, sometimes the easiest way to deal with it is to make others feel bad about themselves.

Your son probably was called annoying by one kid and another overheard it and so on and so on. Group mentality. If he pulled them aside one by one I promise not one of them could come up with why they called him annoying. This is typical middle school drama.

And the schools crack me up. If you say someone said something mean, they will call the kid in and the kid will say no I didn't and that's the end of it.

It's awful, I know. It will pass. Even though it doesn't seem like it will. This I know too.

Best of luck and make sure your son is comfortable in his own skin. That will get him through any pressuring he may encounter.
Agreed, esp. with the bold. That is what I have thought all along, reading this thread. I don't necessarily think the kid needs to change. Now, I suppose it's possible, but I think the above is far more likely.
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Old 09-23-2013, 09:07 AM
 
1,831 posts, read 4,422,131 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I don't see the "doom" in that. The vast majority of "popular" kids are tools that have to act in manner to keep themselves such. Do people really want that for their kids?
No. But the kids can't see that. They just see popular peers. And this is happening even before middle school. The "doom" is that a child can't just be a social nobody. The others feel compelled to go through the whole ostracizing nonsense to ensure that the nobody never forgets his/her status.
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Old 09-23-2013, 09:10 AM
 
Location: The Beautiful Pocono Mountains
5,450 posts, read 8,736,632 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bowian View Post
No. But the kids can't see that. They just see popular peers. And this is happening even before middle school. The "doom" is that a child can't just be a social nobody. The others feel compelled to go through the whole ostracizing nonsense to ensure that the nobody never forgets his/her status.
And sometimes if you simply call them on the stupidity, it's enough to make it stop.

Kids think if they upset the apple cart it will get worse. Not always the case.
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Old 09-23-2013, 09:13 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,135,403 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bowian View Post
No. But the kids can't see that.
Of course they can. They are not stupid.

Quote:
They just see popular peers. And this is happening even before middle school. The "doom" is that a child can't just be a social nobody. The others feel compelled to go through the whole ostracizing nonsense to ensure that the nobody never forgets his/her status.
They can have real, decent friends instead and be completely insulated from other people's nonsense. That is what is in their own best interest to be taught.
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Old 09-23-2013, 09:46 AM
 
1,831 posts, read 4,422,131 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Of course they can. They are not stupid.
I'm not saying that they lack the intelligence to perceive someone as being a tool. But what they see more is a person who is popular, and they want to be popular like that person, or a part of that person's circle. Some kids are adept at finding other friends, others less so.
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