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Okay, I don't have kids but I am sensing that your attitude towards your life is somehow being manifested in your daughter. I also feel that you might be a bit resistant to being a SAHM.
I'm sensing she's a normal person who has actual responsibilities who is doing her best even though she is frazzled because she's taking care of her daughter, babysitting another small child and not sitting in the park lolling away the hours.
Deep breaths Sweetbottoms. Millions of mothers have survived having a toddler. You will too.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 09-25-2013 at 07:45 PM..
Okay, I don't have kids but I am sensing that your attitude towards your life is somehow being manifested in your daughter. I also feel that you might be a bit resistant to being a SAHM.
Your vibrations are sensed by others. Young children are incredibly perceptive. If you are resentful about being at home or torn about whether you want to or not, you will give out an energy of discontent that your daughter picks up.
I am also concerned about how you framed this whole situation. I sense more of a hostility to her needs rather than simple irritation or concern for her behavior. What I believe is that parents who are cold or otherwise indifferent to their child's needs, the child picks up on that and becomes more clingy, babyish, or otherwise dependent.
I didn't sense that. I think that whining kids can just be quite annoying -- and it has nothing to do with whether or not the parent is a stay-at-home, or work or would rather be one or the other. Whining adults are also very annoying. I think the thing is to never reward whining, walk away from it, or flat out tell someone who is whining that you hate whining and come back when they can ask the right way.
I suspect that either this child was impressed by another child's whining tone and so picked up the habit or was rewarded by some day care worker for whining. Or even learned that she is given something more quickly by a parent if she whines as a way to shut her up.
I WAS that whiney four year old making my mother half-nuts. When I was about 20 I realized what I'd put her through and asked her to forgive me. Years of love and good karma ensued.
Last edited by Jaded; 09-25-2013 at 11:42 PM..
Reason: Removed deleted/orphaned quote
Stop acknowledging her behavior. Tell her that you can't understand her until she talks in a big girl voice and walk away. She will stop. You are reinforcing her behavior by reacting to it.
Great advice, I agree.
She make sure she knows that whiny voices are for "babies" and she's a big girl now
I didn't sense that. I think that whining kids can just be quite annoying -- and it has nothing to do with whether or not the parent is a stay-at-home, or work or would rather be one or the other. Whining adults are also very annoying. I think the thing is to never reward whining, walk away from it, or flat out tell someone who is whining that you hate whining and come back when they can ask the right way.
I suspect that either this child was impressed by another child's whining tone and so picked up the habit or was rewarded by some day care worker for whining. Or even learned that she is given something more quickly by a parent if she whines as a way to shut her up.
You could be right but I do believe that daycare is traumatic for kids. I know that many people do it and that kids adjust but it's still very hard for young children to separate from their parents.
I think you were the one upthread who said to never give in to the whining and I totally agree with that advice. My only concern is that the mother seems angry. I am not suggesting that she has no right to be angry because I don't know everything that is going on with her but I wonder if she feels trapped.
Like, why is she a SAHM now? What made her and her husband decide that she should do this? Did she agree but secretly resent it?
Her daughter is whining for a REASON. It's not just random. Is Mom on Facebook all day? I see kids acting obnoxious whilst their moms are scrolling down on their phones and not paying attention to the child.
You could be right but I do believe that daycare is traumatic for kids. I know that many people do it and that kids adjust but it's still very hard for young children to separate from their parents.
I think you were the one upthread who said to never give in to the whining and I totally agree with that advice. My only concern is that the mother seems angry. I am not suggesting that she has no right to be angry because I don't know everything that is going on with her but I wonder if she feels trapped.
Like, why is she a SAHM now? What made her and her husband decide that she should do this? Did she agree but secretly resent it?
Her daughter is whining for a REASON. It's not just random. Is Mom on Facebook all day? I see kids acting obnoxious whilst their moms are scrolling down on their phones and not paying attention to the child.
The "REASON" is that it is a learned behavior that apparently was tolerated in her previous daycare.
All bad habits are hard to break, but with Mom's help this child can break this one I'm sure.
We used to say "I don't speak Whine-ese. When you are ready to speak to me in polite English, I'll be ready to listen" It did come and go. In fact, when I read the title of the post, I thought, well, this kid could be 13 or 16, cause my girls are still whining at times.
This too shall pass.
PS I agree about Caillou. Super whiny. And also that turtle Franklin. I recommend Little Bear as being a great model for positive interactions. But also think about yourself. What do you say when things don't go your way? That is not an accusation or anything, but sometimes good modeling can be very theatrical, almost like a skit between parents to show appropriate ways to ask for things, how to respond when you don't get what you want, how to express disappointment. etc.
Sometime my kids would roll their eyes (yes, 4 year olds can roll their eyes) and tell me how dorky I looked, but they also got the point.
Okay, I don't have kids but I am sensing that your attitude towards your life is somehow being manifested in your daughter. I also feel that you might be a bit resistant to being a SAHM.
Your vibrations are sensed by others. Young children are incredibly perceptive. If you are resentful about being at home or torn about whether you want to or not, you will give out an energy of discontent that your daughter picks up.
I am also concerned about how you framed this whole situation. I sense more of a hostility to her needs rather than simple irritation or concern for her behavior. What I believe is that parents who are cold or otherwise indifferent to their child's needs, the child picks up on that and becomes more clingy, babyish, or otherwise dependent.
Okay, mud, you don't have kids so you can't possibly know how hard it is to KNOW that you are hostile to your own beloved child and not be sure what to do with it.
You could be right but I do believe that daycare is traumatic for kids. I know that many people do it and that kids adjust but it's still very hard for young children to separate from their parents.
I think you were the one upthread who said to never give in to the whining and I totally agree with that advice. My only concern is that the mother seems angry. I am not suggesting that she has no right to be angry because I don't know everything that is going on with her but I wonder if she feels trapped.
Like, why is she a SAHM now? What made her and her husband decide that she should do this? Did she agree but secretly resent it?
Her daughter is whining for a REASON. It's not just random. Is Mom on Facebook all day? I see kids acting obnoxious whilst their moms are scrolling down on their phones and not paying attention to the child.
I agree that the child is whining for a reason but there's not nearly enough information for us to really know what that reason might be. Kids can just be impressed by another child and begin to imitate it. Whining will sometimes get you something quicker just to shut you up -- because whining is so annoying. That's all it takes to reinforce it.
To me whining is like someone making those screeching sounds on a chalkboard. I can see how you might hurry to give a child something just not to have to hear the whining a second longer. My kids hated day care but they were fine with an in-home babysitter. I think they would have gotten whiney if they stayed in day care, at least the one they were in after school for a short time.
My daughter is also four and had the worst case of whining for a few months. It drove me crazy, too. So you have my sympathies.
My daughter whines when she's tired. I always tell her that I can't hear her when she whines. I tell her that has to speak to me like a big girl for me to hear her. So whenever she whines, I completely ignore her. I let her cry and stay frustrated until she speaks normally. Once she speaks normally, I immediately respond with a smile. I've been doing this with good results.
Whenever we're going out, I remind her that I expect her to speak and not whine. I also try to make sure she doesn't get overtired.
Thankfully, she's coming out of that phase now.
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