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Main Street, you are doing a great job. I'm careful with my 14 year old but he is quite honest about the temptation thrown at him each and every day between parties, drugs, drinking, smoking................. We had a sad situation recently but it allowed me to see that he is not taking advantage of these situations yet. His best friend since he was in pre school has recently started drinking. My son has backed away by his own choice- before even telling me about the drinking.
I have an open relationship with him similar to what Main Street describes- and I see that it's paying off so far. And although I trust him to make the right choices, I will continue to monitor every aspect of his life until he's an adult and living on his own. He understands this and also understands that if I ever feel the need to do so, I will take him for drug testing.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
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Originally Posted by jadedSOUL83
I cannot wait till your kids go to college and have free roam after invading their privacy for so long. You think high school peers and parties have temptations, wait until your kid is around 20,000 others his/her age with everything from alcohol to meth running rampant. Add in that they were sheltered their entire lives by overbearing parents, thats just a recipe for disaster. If you cant find other ways to have functional relationships with your children, then you shouldnt have children END OF STORY. Its no different then having children when you're not emotionally or financially stable to do so. You're just going to screw up your children emotionally for life if this ever gets out. Sad really.
Jaded, step away from the hookah. Your lack of maturity prevents you from participating in the parenting forum effectively...not to mention you aren't a parent.
I woke up this morning to this news, about a school district in my state, losing three teens in three different fatality accidents in one week. One of the victim's web pages had a clue to her boyfriends high speeds; they peaked at 129 miles per hour the night she died.
CBS Evening News will be covering the topic this forum has become tonight. I'll be interested in what the professionals have to say.
Thanks everyone for your mature participation in this discussion.
Last edited by MainStreet; 11-19-2007 at 07:14 AM..
How old is your daughter? If she is 13 or 14, I can understand. But any older than that and I really believe you are overstepping your boundaries. How is your daughter going to grow and learn with you are always there as a safety net? However, my mom knew when I was 16 and tried hookah at a friend's house (and hated it). I also told my mom when I tried my first cigarette (and hated it). Alcohol was always served at meals in my home and I never liked it so that was never an issue (and now, in my 2nd year of college, I've still not gotten drunk).
I'm not trying to be ominous or anything, but I had many friends whose parents, thinking they were doing the best for their child, acted much the same as you (monitoring emails, keylogging,etc). The only friends I have who are in rehab now are those same kids. Not necessary a correlation, but it's enough to make you think. My best friend's mom always prevented her from being in any kind of situation where there could be trouble. Now, she has no idea how to say no in those situations. I get calls from her all the time where she is so drunk that she has no idea where she is- and it's not as if I can do anything when I'm in college in Boston and she's at college in Georgia. Another good friend of mine's mother secretly monitored her emails and logged her IMs. She just got out of rehab. Again, that doesn't mean that this happens with every child, but I really believe that these girls cannot say no because they never were given the opportunity to learn for themselves.
The one time I found my mom had violated my privacy by logging onto my brother's facebook in order to see mine, I didn't speak to her for over a month. There's nothing bad on my facebook because I don't do anything that could possibly be construed as negative. Still, she lost my trust and now almost a year and a half later, she had not fully gained it back. She may never get it all back, because once trust is gone, it's gone for good.
I don't mean that as disrespect and I can't defend your mother - because I don't know her or her reasons for looking - But I will tell you this - I have 4 children - 17, 12, 10 and 5 and there is nothing that I wouldn't do to protect my children - from others and from themselves. I check their emails and I will not allow my children to go onto My Space - it's that simple.
Mainstreet - look away - the world is different then when we were young and I will tell you that my 17 year old son who is very popular and a 3 sport athlete - honor roll student - thanks me all the time for caring enough to tell him no!
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
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Originally Posted by I love the Bears
I don't mean that as disrespect and I can't defend your mother - because I don't know her or her reasons for looking - But I will tell you this - I have 4 children - 17, 12, 10 and 5 and there is nothing that I wouldn't do to protect my children - from others and from themselves. I check their emails and I will not allow my children to go onto My Space - it's that simple.
Mainstreet - look away - the world is different then when we were young and I will tell you that my 17 year old son who is very popular and a 3 sport athlete - honor roll student - thanks me all the time for caring enough to tell him no!
Hat's off to you missy! We did get rid of the MySpace about a year ago. Facebook, so far, is quite innocent. They share a lot of school information and dates and times for clubs etc....it was innocent until some stupid kid decided to post her hookah party photos.
Which...I haven't done a thing about. I see this as knowledge, that I file away for future use...I'm not the reactive smotherer that 25 year old Jaded seems to think I am.
What I have found out is that my daughter takes no without gripping about it to her friends. She respects "no" and doesn't argue or complain.
They need limits...won't admit it...but they understand limits.
That is so true and it is something that you just don't get until you're a parent - Kids want and need boundaries and limits. Children - humans really - want to be perceived as "good" and it is up the the parents to clearly define that for their children. That is over simplifying I know! children need to feel the comfort of someone else being in control.
They never had it - they asked and I told them no. My son was annoyed - all my friends do it!! I calmly explained that I let him IM his friends but that the concept of my space scares me due to the opportunity for predators (he knows I'm a freak about that) and that maybe when he brings me home a 4.00 gpa I'll know that he has the time to waste on something like this (this is also the same speech he got when he wanted a phone that texted.) I explained that in this day and age you have to be really careful how much you "adverstised" yourself and that when he was out of my house he could do as he wished - but not now. the 12 year old didn't really complain - she didn't understand as much what it is......
Now he's glad he didn't get into it - he said it's a waste of time and that it's all girly drama! He kid has not patience with all of that - hoping it keeps him single for a LONG time!! TEE HEE
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,536,443 times
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Originally Posted by pirate girl
I haven't banned Myspace yet but I've been tempted. How was it received when you did?
She took it well. I made her read a collection of online articles about MySpace and child seduction. She likes that I look after her and talks to me about the kids she knows who's parents aren't paying attention...she worries about her friends.
Kids under 18 have no business expecting privacy
My house, my rules
Hats off to all you parents that keep on top of their kids...I did and it paid off
Now I also keep a watchful eye on 12 year old grand daughter..can never have to many eyes
Ok..now what in the heck is a hookah party...is this a new name for pot or hash???
and the mom who created the fake myspace page??? ok she has serious issues
Back to the original topic. The article states that no charges have been filed. Is this not intimidation? Isn't there a new internet law about misrepresenting yourself? Maybe such laws are from state to state.
I would not think that a perfectly sane 13 year-old would kill herself over something like this. I endured FAR worse humiliations at that age and never thought about suicide.
What the woman did (the one who misrepresented herself) is terrible, but I don't see how she can be held responsible for the teen's suicide unless she just positively GOADED her into hanging herself.
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You are very young
