My 6 year old is whining about me forcing sports on her (girls, activities)

[njkate]

IMO, yes you are being to pushy. I can't for the life of me understand why parents do this, some kids JUST DO NOT ENJOY organized sports.
Four boys and one girl, two boys played football all the way through high school the other two had no desire to play organized sports past little league, daughter played field hockey but it was her choice she wanted to.

She is only 6 give her a few years to figure it out, there may be other things she wants to do....dance, gymnastics, cheer leading, skating or she may just want to keep her nose in a book.

[randomlikeme]

I started playing softball at 5 and played competitively though college (heck - I still play on a co-ed beer league), but it was never something that was pushed onto me by my dad, who still holds his high school's record for highest batting average since 1967 ;-) Not once did he push me to do anything I didn't want to do.

I think that right now, she is young and it is good to expose her to things; however, expose her to all different types of things if you can: art, ballet, horse-riding, science experiments, building models of things....

There are a lot of things besides organized sports. I would just enjoy your time with her now while she is young and still wants to shoot hoops with you in the driveway. Before you know it, she will be a teenager slamming doors and screaming "ITS NOT FAIR, DAD!"

[sponger42]

Originally Posted by midlifeman

I explained to her that playing sports and trying new things is important. It is good exercise, builds self esteem, and encourages you to work in a team atmosphere.

As a parent I believe in pushing your kids to try new things. I feel that sometimes a kid does not know what they really want so I try to put them in new situations or to keep trying something so that they can become better at. They don't necessarily have to be the best, but need to understand that if you stick with something you can achieve greater results.

Am I being too pushy here?

No. You are right.

I can't believe the majority opinion here. "Sports are bad, boring, some people just don't like them." Well, I hated piano, baseball, and I didn't much care for basketball either, but I'm glad my parents pushed me into them.

They were good experiences, even if most of the time I dreaded going to practice, putting on the itchy uniform, and standing out in deep right field trying not to get stung by yellowjackets, or nervous as heck at 2nd base, trying not to get my teeth knocked out by a line drive or screw up a play and get ridiculed by the rest of the team. On the other hand, I'll never forget the nervous energy of being in a gym "full of screaming fans" Well--not really, just some parents, but it felt like the NBA playoffs to a kid. I wouldn't have done it buy choice, but I'm glad to have the memories.

Your daughter is 7. She knows what she wants, but not what she needs. Your job is to give her what she needs, not necessarily what she wants, and you are doing exactly that. You should push her to try new things, be it new foods, sports, or musical instruments. My parents pushed me to do things that terrified my immature mind. Some things were just as bad as I imagined, and some were so much fun I wanted to do them again and again.

One caveat is that you should look out for any circumstance that might make her hate sports outside of the actual physical activity itself. It sounds like you already have done this, and gotten the response that sports are just boring. Good. Doing something that is good for you but boring builds character. In the future, she'll gain the self-determination to suffer through boring activities (like going to the gym, or studying math) in order to better herself or achieve her goals. Or maybe she won't, but you did your best to give her the tools.

Do check that she is getting along with the other kids and her coaches. Bad apples, bullies, and mean adults can make anything a toxic environment that can poison her against the activity, rather than help her fairly determine the things she hates or loves.

Also, take a look at your own motives for pushing her. Are you trying to turn an introvert into an extrovert by pushing her into group activities, or are you just exposing her to something that might enrich her life?

[Tinawina]

Originally Posted by midlifeman

Looks like I'm in the minority here. I have maybe two people on my side. One poster saying that their child regrets not being on a team now that she is older, and another poster saying that as a parent were not here to practice a democracy. (preserve it)

I'm not here to be my child's friend, but their parent. Don't worry I'm not a tyrant either and yes we engage in other activities including LOTS of free play

Keep the comments coming. Everyone has some really good insight.

Very true, but that doesn't mean any and everything we push in the name of being a "parent" is right.

It's not that anyone thinks you should not be the authority figure in her life. You should be. We just think you are using your authority in the wrong way.

You made her try it, she stuck with it for a season, but now you won't let her stop. It's like you want to force her to learn her lessons from this particular activity, even though it doesn't seem to be working. Are you locked in seeing this as a power struggle, where if you "give in" she "wins"? To me you already "won"... she's done this thing she doesn't like for years already! I think the point has been proven that she has to do what you tell her to do. LOL

You can force her to do it, but you can't force her to like it and you can't force her to learn precisely what you want her to learn, when you want her to learn it, the way you want her to learn it. But you CAN wield your power in a way that slowly gets her ready to own herself and her own decisions one day... and that can start with letting her pick an activity (approved by dad), and making her follow through with that activity until she can do it to the best of her ability, even if she loses interest halfway through. Make her own something she chooses.

[djacques]

I always found sports excruciatingly boring; they are not for everyone. Having kids try new things is fine, but it sounds like she has tried them and knows she doesn't care for them. Have you thought about what other activities might be more suited to her? Piano? Fishing? etc.

[Kamsack]

Originally Posted by malamute

Are you even letting her choose the sport? Maybe offer more choices. Sports don't have to be only the team sports. Kids need lots of outdoor activity but it can be bicycling, horseback riding, hiking.

I agree.....let her tell you what she wants. I have two 4 yr olds and an 8 yr old and if they dont want to do something and they are forced too, it will end up with them not liking a lot more things in the long range and they resenting you for forcing them. Team sports are not the only thing out there.... have you tried swimming lessons, etc they dont have to be sports per se....and yes she is only 6 or 7.

[dchee]

I was born and raised in a strict Asian family; and was forced to try to new things whether I like it or not. My parents always wanted me excel and be good at many things within the best of my ability.

Well, guess what? I'm extremely glad my parents forced me to participate in many extracurricular activities. I was more open to change. It made me very confident, become more involved in diverse communities / cultures, and meeting new people.

To me, OP is building a very good foundation for the child. One thing I do suggest is, enroll her in another activity she likes while continuing her sports. Maybe even play sports as a whole family on the weekends.

[ChrisC]

My parents forced me into LL Baseball. I hated it. It was very traumatic for me. I've never liked any team sport and still don't. I loathe soccer and basketball. The thing that finally ended it for me with baseball is that I was so traumatized, one day, when I was up to bat in the middle of a game, I walked off the field and refused to participate ever again, no matter what they said. And I didn't. That was it. Luckily, my mother was quite understanding and she let me decide who I wanted to be (other than that baseball experiment).

I did enjoy more solo physical activities like hiking, skiing, skating, swimming, etc. My real passion and talent was art, music, writing, and things of that nature.

Yes, you are being too pushy. Let your daughter find herself, not your vision of her "self." That's pretty traumatizing for a child and it can cause much resentment.

[midlifeman]

Yes we have done dance, arts, swimming etc. She doesn't quite show a passion yet for one particular thing.
Have you parents gone soft on your kids? Is your house a democracy? How has our generation changed? (I'm 44 by the way). How are you giving your kids direction?

Here is what I don't like about our generation:

-We let the kids do whatever they want, including endless hours of video gaming. If your kid loves that do you encourage that?
-We don't keep score at sports. Why? Because we don't want to hurt the other teams feelings. Give me a break! (p.s. the kids actually love to keep score)
-There is a lack of free play and too many organized activities. This may be a function of safety and two working parents

How are you teaching your kids hard work, discipline, team building etc. Are you using "soft parenting skills" like that's okay, encouragement, no big deal, Will do better next time, we can quit and try something else.

Have I touched any nerves yet? Keep the comments coming!!

[Pitt Chick]

Originally Posted by midlifeman

Am I being too pushy here?

Most definitely too pushy!