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Old 10-04-2013, 02:40 PM
 
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The teachers at my(step) son's daycare cant always protect him when he plays with other kids. Some kids there are very violent. I'm tired of him being bulied. It seems like whenever he plays with other kids, someone scratches an eye, elbows him etc so I have told him not to start fights but to hit back once he has been beaten/scratched etc. I am tired of hearing how some kid hurt him everytime I pick him up.

Initially I used to address the incidents with the teachers but now that him being hurt is a daily thing I do not want to seem petty by constantly whining to the teachers. Everyone else' attitude over there is that its normal for kids to scratch each other etc. I'd much rather my son kicks the other boys in the genitals so they stay away from him or pulls the lil girls hair.

Please note that I do not want him starting fights but once attacked I expect him to hit back.

In the past I used to report daily to the teachers about an unfortunate incident he had with a kid. But it has become overwhelming to do this daily. Would be easier if he just hit back then they would learn to leave him alone.

And oh he comes from a stable home. So its not us, its just that other kids there are rascals.

 
Old 10-04-2013, 02:49 PM
 
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If it was my child? I'd be switching day care. Attacks should not be happening on a "daily basis".
 
Old 10-04-2013, 02:49 PM
 
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Tough question. Probably no easy answers.
 
Old 10-04-2013, 02:49 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
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Maybe he needs to be moved to a daycare with a lower student to teacher ratio.

The other thing is that he needs to learn how to keep himself out of those kinds of situations. If there's an area where the incidents always happen, then he needs to avoid that area. So if you notice he's always having problems in a particular spot, tell him he's not allowed there (for my daughter it was the top of the twisty slide).

The problem with him fighting back is that the other kids will go and tell on him and they won't say what they did first. So if he leaves marks on another kid, he'll end up in trouble even if they started it.
 
Old 10-04-2013, 02:56 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
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Definitely time for a new daycare.
 
Old 10-04-2013, 03:05 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
If it was my child? I'd be switching day care. Attacks should not be happening on a "daily basis".
IMO it is generally a great daycare private & expensive. They have a lot of nice activities there etc, teachers seem to care. At this point I would like to think my kid is predispositioned to be a softie? Something about him attracts bullies & I want him to toughen up. He is not ugly or anything so there is no reason why he should be bullied, not that ugly kids should be bullied.
 
Old 10-04-2013, 03:09 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
9,483 posts, read 13,334,142 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angrymillionaire View Post
In the past I used to report daily to the teachers about an unfortunate incident he had with a kid. But it has become overwhelming to do this daily. Would be easier if he just hit back then they would learn to leave him alone.

And oh he comes from a stable home. So its not us, its just that other kids there are rascals.
Beat him? Daily?
I think there is more to this than meets the eye. Is your child looking at every bump, push, mishap as an aggressive act when it might be something more innocent? Little ones are not usually careful of the other people around them, bumps, bruises and the like do happen.
 
Old 10-04-2013, 03:18 PM
 
1,373 posts, read 2,359,974 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
Maybe he needs to be moved to a daycare with a lower student to teacher ratio.

The other thing is that he needs to learn how to keep himself out of those kinds of situations. If there's an area where the incidents always happen, then he needs to avoid that area. So if you notice he's always having problems in a particular spot, tell him he's not allowed there (for my daughter it was the top of the twisty slide).

The problem with him fighting back is that the other kids will go and tell on him and they won't say what they did first. So if he leaves marks on another kid, he'll end up in trouble even if they started it.
Thanks good observation. What worries me is that he is an only kid & was besties with Jason, a kid with two other older siblings but from divorced parents. His mother is very promiscous. Being an only kid, my child was very dependant of this relationship to a point where it worried me. He would eat half his food & ""leave"" the other half for Jason then we'd have to coerce him to finish his food. This worried me because since Jason had 2 siblings, a myriad of step fathers(due to promiscous mom) I'm sure he was not thinking about my son as much as he was of Jason.

But now Jason has become an annoying bully & I have been unsuccessfully spoonfeeding my son to tell Jason that his real father left because he is mean & thats why he doesnt tuck him in bed every night. I figure since he is not as good as Jason with the blows, if he has a tardy mouth that should help. But I'm at my wit's end, even a tardy mouth he does not have! I am pissed at the fact that Jason went from imaginary brother to enemy. I have tried to approach him on the sly & tell him he is so wicked his own father left him but he is an immigrant or should I say his parents are & so there is a language barrier so I can not reproach him on the sly & just make this stop.

The on the sly thing, I once cornered a notorious bully on the sly, told him I'd PERSONALLY cane his behind if he doesnt leave my kid alone & it worked like a charm but with this Jason boy I cant ull that trick due to language issues.
 
Old 10-04-2013, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angrymillionaire View Post
IMO it is generally a great daycare private & expensive. They have a lot of nice activities there etc, teachers seem to care. At this point I would like to think my kid is predispositioned to be a softie? Something about him attracts bullies & I want him to toughen up. He is not ugly or anything so there is no reason why he should be bullied, not that ugly kids should be bullied.
It's generally a great daycare except that your stepson is getting injured daily.

Setting aside your generally crass way of dealing with people, whether or not the kid is a softie, he should NOT get injured by the other kids with seemingly no concern from the "teachers."

A truly good daycare would not only prevent this but teach the kids how to act. This sounds like a holding cell.

Find a new day care.

And don't you go near the other kids.
 
Old 10-04-2013, 03:23 PM
 
11,019 posts, read 6,565,638 times
Reputation: 19954
Quote:
Originally Posted by angrymillionaire View Post
The teachers at my(step) son's daycare cant always protect him when he plays with other kids. Some kids there are very violent. I'm tired of him being bulied. It seems like whenever he plays with other kids, someone scratches an eye, elbows him etc so I have told him not to start fights but to hit back once he has been beaten/scratched etc. I am tired of hearing how some kid hurt him everytime I pick him up.

Initially I used to address the incidents with the teachers but now that him being hurt is a daily thing I do not want to seem petty by constantly whining to the teachers. Everyone else' attitude over there is that its normal for kids to scratch each other etc. I'd much rather my son kicks the other boys in the genitals so they stay away from him or pulls the lil girls hair.
I agree with those who say you should switch him to a new daycare. I would feel very uncomfortable teaching a young child to kick others in the genitals (!!) or to pull their hair.

What did the teachers say when you brought up these incidents? Have they tried to resolve the issue, or are they just ignoring it? I would go further up the chain of command and talk to the director or someone else over the teachers if nothing is being resolved. This shouldn't be happening it, and if the teachers are incompetent at their jobs this needs to be addressed.

What does the boy's father think? Have you talked to him about it, is he comfortable with what is going on and keeping his child in that sort of environment?

Isn't he four? Have you thought of putting him in a preschool instead of daycare? A preschool could have more structure to the day, and not have time for the kids to be attacking each other. Didn't you say in another post that you work half days, and are done by lunch time? I think a half day preschool might be a good option.


Quote:
Please note that I do not want him starting fights but once attacked I expect him to hit back.
Quote:
And oh he comes from a stable home. So its not us, its just that other kids there are rascals.
Have you talked to your stepson about what is going on? Has he said what starts the fights? Or are you just seeing scratch marks on him and assuming what happens? I know you might not want to think of this kid as anything but sweet and innocent, but there is a chance he might be doing something to start these fights. In other threads, you seem to be pretty confrontational with other people (neighbors, coworkers...), and he might be noticing this. When the guy was picking fruit from your trees, your son was outside with you, and probably saw you get confrontational with your neighbor. Does he hear you complain about the "heiffers" at work to his father? This is something kids pick up on, and he might be bullying the kids at school.
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