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Old 11-29-2008, 05:05 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,701 times
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My husband and I are in this same position. I am ready to start our family and he has no intrest in ever having children. We did go through a six month marriage coures before we got married through our church. At that time he did tell me that he wanted children but just not quickley. I was alright with that as long as we would have children in the future. My husband know has told me that he never wants children. I am very upset with him, because he was never straight with me from the begining. I would suggest to be honest with your husband and not feed him lines that you think he wants to hear, that is not fair to him. If you know that in five years you are still not going to be ready for children he needs to know. There is nothing wrong that you don't want children, there are women out there that are the same. I would suggest that you both do find someone to talk to so they can work with you both on this issue. I just feel that there might be some problems down the road for you both if you both don't talk to someone who can help you. Good luck
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Old 11-29-2008, 05:18 PM
 
Location: Vermont
12,975 posts, read 2,855,931 times
Reputation: 28297
Ohhhh....this is going to be my daughter's entry in ten years. She is young now, but having children is not something that has ever interested her. Even as a child she wasn't interested in nurturing her dolls. She has commented that the thought of a baby moving and growing inside of her really bothers her. She finds newborns to be repulsive...but can tolerate toddlers and preschool age children. Pregnancy and childbirth has always been fascinating and beautiful to me and I can't believe I have a daughter who is on the opposite end of the spectrum completely! I've had six children. Some people are born with lots of maternal desire and others really have to work at it..or else decide that motherhood will never be a part of their life.
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Old 03-16-2009, 09:49 AM
 
1 posts, read 2,584 times
Reputation: 10
I'm in a simular but a little different situation. My husband & I have a 1 1/2 yr old little girl whom we both adore. My husband now wants another & I don't think I do. We just had a misscarriage a few months ago and we are both in our late 30's. I worry about finances, about having to make more sacrifices, not being able to keep my job, and with our daughter I had tested high for Down Syndrome. We live close (a mile away) to our family and we often have my niece & nephew. I don't feel like our daughter will be growing up alone. I want my h to be happy and I don't want our relationship to suffer because of this issue. It's aweful to say, but the reality is, most of the sacrifices will be on my part and I am not sure I want that. I love our quality of life now. We have just enough. We are struggling just like everyone else. And what if our next child is born with a birth defect? And why did I have the misscarriage? Was that a sign?
You are not alone.
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Old 03-16-2009, 10:37 AM
 
1,312 posts, read 4,237,594 times
Reputation: 1976
Quote:
Originally Posted by doglover29 View Post
What do you do when one spouse wants kids and the other doesn't? My husband and I are in our late 20's/early 30's and have been married several years, and been together for 7. My husband wants kids and I do not. I've never had the desire to have kids, but when we were dating it never was an issue b/c I was in my early 20's then, and I figured by the time I turned 30 my feelings about having children would change. However, they haven't and now that the clock is starting to tick it's becoming an issue. My husband wants to start having kids soon, and I am nowhere near ready. I would prefer to wait another 5 years before revisiting the issue, and then see how I feel in terms of readiness. I'm also very open about the idea of adoption, but he is very insistent about having biological kids.

My reasons for not wanting to have kids are several. One is that I have never felt the "baby itch" and have never desired to have kids. I don't feel that my life is incomplete without children, and I feel strongly that one can be fulfilled without kids. Also, I don't want to give up my career and want to work full-time, so since my husband also wants to work full-time we would need a nanny. Furthermore, I just don't feel ready psychologically to have kids. And I also have no desire to go through pregnancy and childbirth, nor do I have any interest in breastfeeding. And last, I just have very little experience with children. I was an only child, and the last time I was around little kids was about 20 years ago when my cousins were young children. I don't have any pregnant friends or friends with kids, so I'm never around kids. And I guess overall I just don't feel any maternal feelings. I thought they would have been there by now but they're not.

I don't know what to do. This is a huge issue not to be on the same page about. One of us has to give in. Either I give in and have kids, and have them before I want them/am ready for them or he gives in and doesn't have kids and feels resentful about that. He understands that since neither one of us is willing to stay home we need to have a nanny, and he's ok with that.

Anyone in a similar situation or have any thoughts?
I didn't read the other posts, but here's my response.

You say you didn't want kids when you got married. The reasons don't matter. Was your husband aware of this from the beginning? If so, then he has no right to pressure you now. He knew what he was getting in to, and it is not right of him to think he can try to change you. Now, if he didn't know, why not? He still doesn't have the right to try and change your mind but this is something serious that should have been discussed before marriage.

I have an aunt who has said all her life that she didn't want kids. She got married, and her fiance was well aware of her feelings. For years, he pressured her to have kids, and she refused. It put a terrible strain on their marriage. Apparently he always thought he could change her mind. Well, he couldn't.

Good luck with this...I feel for you both.
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Old 08-17-2012, 11:56 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,484 times
Reputation: 10
I was in a similar situation in our mid 20s. We are now in our early 40s. We discussed the matter before marriage. She wanted 0 because of her experience, negatives, etc. But I wanted many. We agreed on everything else except this. Now we have two. She loves the kids. You will love them if you have them. It sounds like you have a loving home. Your husband will make changes to be a new dad. We did not realize how serious this was and how it would impact us in the future. This issue has been a struggle for both of us over the years. Also, don't think of it as giving in. Think of it as compromising. You will be blessed. When you hold that precious baby in your arms, your heart will melt. Your husband will have tears of joy. If you truly love each other as much as it appears, then the baby will be an added bonus. Your love will grow even stronger. Make sure you have the finances that are needed for nanny, house cleaning, etc. Blessings.
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Old 08-18-2012, 05:57 AM
 
13,137 posts, read 25,033,730 times
Reputation: 19633
If you don't wanna, you don't wanna. Imagine if the previous poster's experience was just that, one person's experience! Why shouldn't you trust your own feelings?
Picture this- you "give in," (there really can't be compromise- either you have a kid or not) and husband dies and you become a single parent- what do you think of that?
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Old 08-18-2012, 07:06 AM
 
Location: Lehigh Valley, PA
2,311 posts, read 3,536,822 times
Reputation: 5305
My wife and I never wanted children.
We were both upfront about that prior to us getting married.

Remember THIS IS YOUR LIFE!!

You have be absolutely sure about this and then under no circumstances will you waiver from that decision.

The results of procreation last a lifetime.
As others have highlighted, the stress on your marriage, body, mind and finances could prove extremely detrimental.

The most important thing to think about is the condition of the world now and in the foreseeable future.

We now exist in a world of declining morels, declining wages and diseased minds.
Public school systems that once were a beacon of learning are now a beacon for drug deals, bullying leading to suicide of children and violence.

The state of this nation continues it's downward spiral yet your husband wants to bring a child into this world.

Tell your husband to stop thinking with his loins and start thinking clearly and logically.

Hold your ground.
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Old 08-18-2012, 07:11 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 39,035,922 times
Reputation: 61947
This thread is from several years ago, hopefully by now they have it worked out.
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Old 08-20-2012, 04:20 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,057 posts, read 8,166,294 times
Reputation: 11466
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
This thread is from several years ago, hopefully by now they have it worked out.
I hope so, although I don't see how this is an issue with any resolution. If one person really wants kids and the other doesn't there is no compromise. You can't have half a baby.
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Old 08-20-2012, 11:30 PM
 
16,487 posts, read 20,716,142 times
Reputation: 16148
Wow, this should have been agreed upon a long time ago. But here you are and a decision needs to be made. The way I look at it is it is your body, you must carry the pregnancy and you must give birth. If you are not ready then you should not do it.
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