Unwanted christmas present (four year old, mature, friend, mother)
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Why on earth does your son at 4 years old have an iphone and a tablet? You will have a rude awaking one day about why this is not okay.
You keep making these proclamations. My daughter was one of the first to have an iPhone around here. She was in maybe 7th or 8th grade and had a cellphone for a few years. Before that she had a laptop when she was in elementary school.
She is 19, never been in trouble with the law, great student, responsible, never even gone over her minutes or texts. Going on 12+ years of technology access here, including internet and social media.
How long is this "rude awakening" you promise supposed to take?
My 3 year old GD uses her mother's Nook to play games that I probably could not even do. But, that's the generation they are growing up in. As a GM, I always asks for list of birthday/Christmas, etc. that they want. I don't usually spend hundreds of dollars on them, but do have a generous college fund set up for the two GC. If and when I do make a big purchase, I check with the parent's and get their ok. And, if it's over $100 that is the big gift for BD & Christmas. Last year it was a swing set, this year a motorized vehicle. All she wanted for her birthday was a cupcake! At 3 she's part devil and part diva.
Today my SIL, who works in law enforcement, arrested a 47 year old man who was Facebook friends with a 12 yr old. He drove to her house (an hour away), picked her up and raped her! So, there has got to be restrictions on what children are allowed to have. I don't have an IPad, nor a IPhone, and don't know if I could learn to use either one. I'm doing ok with my Kindle Fire.
Personally, I would talk to your MIL and (if you don't want you daughter to have the IPad) and explain the reasons why.
I know this is rambling, but hope a little of it helps.
My 3 year old GD uses her mother's Nook to play games that I probably could not even do. But, that's the generation they are growing up in. As a GM, I always asks for list of birthday/Christmas, etc. that they want. I don't usually spend hundreds of dollars on them, but do have a generous college fund set up for the two GC. If and when I do make a big purchase, I check with the parent's and get their ok. And, if it's over $100 that is the big gift for BD & Christmas. Last year it was a swing set, this year a motorized vehicle. All she wanted for her birthday was a cupcake! At 3 she's part devil and part diva.
Today my SIL, who works in law enforcement, arrested a 47 year old man who was Facebook friends with a 12 yr old. He drove to her house (an hour away), picked her up and raped her! So, there has got to be restrictions on what children are allowed to have. I don't have an IPad, nor a IPhone, and don't know if I could learn to use either one. I'm doing ok with my Kindle Fire.
Personally, I would talk to your MIL and (if you don't want you daughter to have the IPad) and explain the reasons why.
I know this is rambling, but hope a little of it helps.
I think you are right. If this is really such a big deal for the OP, SHE should be the one to talk to MIL instead of expecting hubby to do it.
Compromise? You just told your MIL to give the gift she bought for her grandchild to YOU. What did you compromise about? You got what you wanted by making others bend to your wishes.
What is the message that you think your daughter will take home from that action? Seriously, she will in all likelihood hear about the gift, and why she did not get it. You are of course entitled (ironic) to make any demands you like. As the parent you can even limit grandparent contact if you don't get the gift you want.
But if you are trying to teach your child to be reasonable, why do you think this "hardline" is going to do that? How is this "sticking" to your beliefs any different than the adult equivalent of a meltdown?
This post is so sideways I'm not even going to attempt to reason with you. Clearly your view is so skewed of my motive that I can only assume you have no children.
As far as standing up for my parental beliefs against my MIL... It doesn't really matter who is it. My child and how I see fit to raise them to be a happy, healthy, giving, kind is of the utmost importance to me. I'm not going to allow someone to buy my child a toy gun, just because it's a grandparent and it was good intentioned. I'm not going to allow my daughter to go with a friend who has sketchy parents go on a trip to Disney world. That's well intentioned. But my goal in life is to raise a good, healthy child and if my gut tells me that something is not right for my child, it's my job to stick to it.
ETA: I already said I would speak to my MIL. I am a grown adult with a child who I FEEL ahould not have her own iPad. I don't care if she decides To present it to the family or if she exchanged it for a toy.
Compromise? You just told your MIL to give the gift she bought for her grandchild to YOU. What did you compromise about? You got what you wanted by making others bend to your wishes.
What is the message that you think your daughter will take home from that action? Seriously, she will in all likelihood hear about the gift, and why she did not get it. You are of course entitled (ironic) to make any demands you like. As the parent you can even limit grandparent contact if you don't get the gift you want.
But if you are trying to teach your child to be reasonable, why do you think this "hardline" is going to do that? How is this "sticking" to your beliefs any different than the adult equivalent of a meltdown?
Giving a CHILD a device that unlocks unlimited access to the world, all the knowledge it has and with how much it can change that child IS UP TO MOM AND DAD. No family member or friend should EVER have a say in it. Aside from the fact again that this is a 500+ dollar present. Kids should EARN these things, not just "get them" for being them.
You keep making these proclamations. My daughter was one of the first to have an iPhone around here. She was in maybe 7th or 8th grade and had a cellphone for a few years. Before that she had a laptop when she was in elementary school.
She is 19, never been in trouble with the law, great student, responsible, never even gone over her minutes or texts. Going on 12+ years of technology access here, including internet and social media.
How long is this "rude awakening" you promise supposed to take?
7th or 8th grade seems to be the norm. FOUR YEARS OLD... that's PreK..
As a grandparent I'm a little stunned that your MIL would take it upon herself without total approval from BOTH parents, to buy your young child an ipad. Seriously... your MIL knows she can steamroller her son, and that is exactly what she did. Manipulative (IMHO)
Take control of this situation and speak with your MIL. Leave hubby out of it. (that way he can continue merrily along without confrontation) Tell her that you feel your daughter is too young for an ipad and you do not want her to have her own this year. Tell her maybe next year and to please discuss with you first.
This "gift" can be extremely dangerous. Kids know far too much about the internet these days and 8 years old is pretty young to have an ipad! I could go into a long story about how a friend's 10 year old daughter got onto facebook and pretended to be a 16 year old girl... you get the message.
You keep making these proclamations. My daughter was one of the first to have an iPhone around here. She was in maybe 7th or 8th grade and had a cellphone for a few years. Before that she had a laptop when she was in elementary school.
She is 19, never been in trouble with the law, great student, responsible, never even gone over her minutes or texts. Going on 12+ years of technology access here, including internet and social media.
How long is this "rude awakening" you promise supposed to take?
Maybe the rude awakening will happen to me also. My son got his first laptop when he was 10. He will be 20 soon and had not had trouble with the law, with women or in school. My other kids are 17 and 14 and they also have access to technology. We act like parents and pay attention to them and what they are doing (not just with technology). My middle son is finished with most of his college applications, which he completed on his laptop. He is sitting right next to me hanging out with the dog and watching the World Series. He is playing some harmless game. I doubt it is going to turn him into a criminal any time soon.
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