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Our middle boy, at not quite 13, was the deciding vote in purchasing our current house. He loved the property, more than we liked the house. Our last two moves were corporate relos, and yes, we brought the kids along while searching for houses. They weren't disruptive, and since the moves meant a major change in their lives too, bringing them and giving them a voice let them know we recognized that fact.
I stopped cooking meals they weren't crazy about a long time ago. I see no point in making something nobody wants to eat.
Once, when we were going to buy a new car, we decided to have a secret ballot with our 2 teenage children. Turns our it was unanimous. Blue, so blue it was.
I should think bringing them along and asking their opinions will help to teach them about making major decisions later in life. Also living with the decisions they make.
They may say the like the new house, you move in, and later the kids find something they don't like. You can point out that they did not mention that before moving in, must live with it, etc...
I'll never forget buying my first house (had no children yet); and my nephew was there probably around middle school aged. He was very, very smart and quiet. I was having trouble deciding between two houses and he gave me a very thoughtful list of why he thought one was better than the other. Ha! I ended up buying that house and loooved it.
When I moved when my son was young 4 to 6, he had NO say; but I would let him see the house before I bought it so he could get excited about it.
Our last move, he was a sophomore in high school and I really did value his opinion. He looked up all the school districts and we would discuss which one was best . . . it was a family discussion. Ultimately, I'm the only one working so . . but still I want to hear what he has to say.
But it got me thinking... When I said that I couldn't fathom NOT bringing my kids to showings, that, to me, was a practical observation. My kids are little, so their opinions mean squat, really, especially in a major financial decision...but many that posted, particularly those against the notion, felt that "bringing your kids" and "asking their opinions" meant the same thing as "they get a say." So this is related to that, but I felt more appropriate for Parenting than Real Estate.
How much say do your kids get? If they hated a house you wanted to buy, would you buy it? What about if they hated their (top-notch) school? What about if they hate, oh, dinner? Pure curiosity, but ages of children, and possibly ages of parents, would be interesting addendums...
I haven't had to move to another house, if I did, I'd probably let them see it and listen to their opinions. However if I'm the one who is paying all the mortgage, it's my house. I'd listen to them about school -- if they really hated school, I would think they might be getting bullied in some way.
Dinner is easy, if they don't like what is served, they can make themselves a peanut butter sandwich or bowl of cereal. I've let my kids pick out our next dog at the humane society (and so ended up with 2 new dogs), they can pick out their own clothes but not how much I'll spend on them.
The last time we moved my oldest was only about 12 months old. I brought her with me to showings just because it was easiest for me to do that rather than find child care. Of course she didn't have any kind of "say", being that she was just a baby, but a lot of our thoughts on what we liked were about what we wanted for our kids.
My kids are now 4 and 7, and I don't think they would have much say in if/when/where we moved at this point. Issues like where they would go to school, where they would play, the layout of the house, etc are certainly huge issues that concern them, but I would make the call. Like someone else said, maybe I would have them see the house we chose to help them get excited for it. Now, if we end up moving when they are more like 9 and 12, then maybe I would give them more input, who knows.
I do remember looking at houses with my parents when I was about 10. I remember telling them what I liked and didn't like about different ones. I liked feeling like I had input, though whether I actually did or not I don't know. I remember that they didn't pick the house that I preferred anyway.
It depends. Buying a house is about the people who pay for the house. Of course I would keep my children in mind and buy a house that suited our family but my 7 & 9yr old don't get to choose it.
Dinner? I have a kid who doesn't eat much and who is too thin, so yes I Cooke things he will eat or I offer scrambled eggs while the rest of us eat.
School? Depends on the kid. My 7yr old will be in his small private school because that's what he needs. However if my daughter wanted to attend our local public school I'd be happy to consider it for her if she had a good reason for making the change.
I clearly remember going to lots of showings as a 9-year old. I enjoyed the process; it seemed like a family adventure. I even remembering discovering an open can of paint and recent paint job in one basement that spurred some questions by my parents and led to the realization that the sellers were trying to cover up a recent water leak. So the real estate agent probably wasn't too happy to have me along in that case. Kids can be pretty observant.
Seriously, though, since families live in a house together it seems entirely reasonable to let the children at least see the place they might be moving to. I think that having kids involved in the process also probably makes the move much easier for them. I find the posts casting this in terms of only involving those "who pay the mortgage" kind of weird. Are we to reduce most of our family interactions to monetary terms? The kids don't pay for much in most families, but they still have thoughts and opinions.
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Kids can be pretty observant.
