Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But it got me thinking... When I said that I couldn't fathom NOT bringing my kids to showings, that, to me, was a practical observation. My kids are little, so their opinions mean squat, really, especially in a major financial decision...but many that posted, particularly those against the notion, felt that "bringing your kids" and "asking their opinions" meant the same thing as "they get a say." So this is related to that, but I felt more appropriate for Parenting than Real Estate.
How much say do your kids get? If they hated a house you wanted to buy, would you buy it? What about if they hated their (top-notch) school? What about if they hate, oh, dinner? Pure curiosity, but ages of children, and possibly ages of parents, would be interesting addendums...
For the record: Mine are only 1 and 3, so if they hated a house, too d**n bad. But as they get older, it might influence our decision if they had really good reasons - "there don't seem to be any fun kids nearby"=bad reason; "the yard is too small for me to play in and there's no place to put the TV"=I might actually look at that place twice because I might not have noticed these logistical snafus. Likewise with school: "there's too much homework"=most likely bad reason; "the other kids hate me and I have no friends"=I would probably pull him in about 2 seconds, depending on why the other kids aren't 'nice' (Conference with teacher and all of that to determine if my kid is the victim or the jerk.)
That's hard to answer. Picking out a house, they probably would have little to no say unless they wanted to pay the mortgage. We certainly bought our houses with their needs and uses in mind but I don't know that we even brought them to look at houses when we were buying. The last house we bought they were teenagers so old enough to understand the process.
Schools, if they hated their school, since they were the one attending that school, we would certainly do what we could do to either help them adjust to that school or find another school that was a better fit. We were lucky that we lived in an area where there were plenty of top notch schools to pick from and they could attend any of those schools if they wanted. They loved their schools, for the most part, and it wasn't much of an issue. We did move one child out of one elementary school to a different school because he really didn't fit in. We approached him with the idea and he jumped at the chance.
Dinner--eat what I make or make your own. There are meals that most of us like and one child did not so on those nights that child was free to make his/her own dinner..and clean up after him/herself. I, however, was not making 2 meals.
Clothing--they picked out their own, within reason, when we shopped. When they were really little, say 5 and under, I bought what I liked for them but as they started to express interest in what they were wearing, they would come with me and pick out things. Now, I buy NOTHING without them along .
Our kids are all out of high school now and are in college or working adults.
I remember my parents moving a couple times growing up. They would go to initial showings and then when it was narrowed down, we would go (say if the 3 of us were like 5, 9, 11) or something. We wouldn't have a final say obviously but kids may point out things you missed regarding space, living areas, etc.
When I have children and they are at least toddlers I'd bring them when it's narrowed down.
I make all of my financial decisions now. It doesn't mean I don't value the advice of friends or family members when asked.
When we moved into a new state three years ago, my kids were 12, 13, and 17. They came with us and toured all the houses we toured. They had the chance to give input on their preferences. I actually kept a spreadsheet, with a numerical rating from each of us on several aspects that were important to us, and comments on each property.
My husband and all three kids preferred the house we are in now. I was the lone dissenter, I love everything about the house except the kitchen. Had my husband been on my side, we would have gone for the second choice house instead, didn't have a fenced in yard, didn't have as much storage space in the basement, didn't have a separate office space for my husband, but it had a kitchen out of a gourmet magazine!
Kids get a vote, but a kid vote is equal to 1/2 - 2/3 of an adult vote. When they are working, and paying for the choices, then their vote becomes equal.
How much say do your kids get? If they hated a house you wanted to buy, would you buy it? What about if they hated their (top-notch) school? What about if they hate, oh, dinner? Pure curiosity, but ages of children, and possibly ages of parents, would be interesting addendums...
When a Pittsburgh forum member recently moved to Pittsburgh from Long Island, her middle school aged children had great influence. She chose a handful of top school districts. They visited each school as a family and talked to the staff. The children decided which school district they wanted to attend. I'm not even sure the children came to Pittsburgh for the house hunt part of the trip, but I think their approach to the school district selection was wise because it helped the children feel positive and secure about uprooting their lives to move to a lower cost of living region.
My husband and I always listened to our children's opinions, but we made the final decisions. They didn't give us flack because we would explain the reason for our decisions.
I always cooked dinner whether they liked it or not. That helped them have a wide range of taste, and not be picky eaters. However, I have stopped making spaghetti because they truly do not like it. They'll eat it if I cook it, but they complained every single time. After many years, I didn't see the point in having spaghetti. The funny thing is, it took about 15 years before I finally decided to stop making it. It was the only thing they complained about.
My sister has one child who is super picky and has a very limited foods he will eat. She makes him separate meals from the family, and I think that's just nuts.
My 1 and 3 year old would be happy to live in a cardboard box (yes!) so no, they don't have any say I think I would certainly take into consideration valuable viewpoints from much older children.
I can't imagine letting a small child have any say in a major purchase like a house. What do they know about mortgage, property taxes, cost of maintenance, distance of commute, etc. They would look at it only as "Do I have my own spacious room" and is there room to play outside. I think most parents buy houses in the first place to accommodate the entire family and to make kids reasonable happy but that would not be the major criteria in making a decision.
I don't like the idea of little kids going to showings or open houses. How can an adult concentrate to ask the right questions while trying to keep a kid entertained. And I know for a fact real estate agents hate it when kids are along to distract the decision making adults.
Yes, I get input from my kids for just about everything. Most of this is for the sake of conversation, though. We've moved a few times in the past few years and when we discuss a house, we weigh the pros, the cons.
When I go to the grocery store, I usually ask each of my four kids to list some of their favorite snacks, meals (this doesn't mean I buy everything on the list, but I may grab a few things on their like list if they're healthy). If we're going out to eat, I ask for suggestions.
If they were to hate their school, I'd want to know why and I'd probably offer suggestions on how to improve the aspect of the school that makes them unhappy.
By no means do I allow my kids to dictate anything. But their opinions are great springboards for conversation and discussion.
As an aside, my parents had very distinct parenting styles. My dad asked me for my opinion on everything: politics, the color of our house, etc. (I was aware he was only asking for my opinion and it didn't mean that he'd actually act on it - it was more that he was interested in what I thought.) My mom dictated the way things should go with little discussion. I remember thinking that it didn't matter what I did or said in certain situations because the outcome was never in my control.
We recently bought a new to us home in a new to us part of the country. My DD was 14 and she went with me to most showings. DH was not always available and the house we are actually in is one she and I chose, husband didn't see it until the day of the inspection after I submitted the offer. He had seen the same floor plan in a different location so it was not a total surprise.
DD had a lot of say but when I say that, its not like she got to make or break a decision, she just contributed to the conversation and then we all made the decision.
DD was a major player in picking the area we were going to land in and she and I narrowed down the high school we wanted her to attend based on what she wanted in a school.
As for dinner, if she doesn't like what I make she is more than welcome to make and clean up her own meal.
My kids don't run the show but we do make some decisions as a family
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
.
I think I would certainly take into consideration valuable viewpoints from much older children.
