Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My daughter grew up with some lovely girls, and one by one they turned into drop outs, single mothers, boy crazy, or just plain wild.
It's got to do with your kid and the standards you set from a very very young age.
My daughter was smart and I'd point out to her what happened to folks who didn't finish school. They ended up poor.
It's a matter of brainwashing really, like so much "good" parenting. Just assure your daughter that the smart way is the right way. I used to tell my daughter to try to be a good friend and to feel sorry for these wayward girls, but not to get too involved with them.
My daughter grew up with some lovely girls, and one by one they turned into drop outs, single mothers, boy crazy, or just plain wild.
It's got to do with your kid and the standards you set from a very very young age.
My daughter was smart and I'd point out to her what happened to folks who didn't finish school. They ended up poor.
It's a matter of brainwashing really, like so much "good" parenting. Just assure your daughter that the smart way is the right way. I used to tell my daughter to try to be a good friend and to feel sorry for these wayward girls, but not to get too involved with them.
It mostly worked.
This sounds mean but I agree. This is how it starts
1) Teen girl is ""allowed"" to hang out with loser girlfriends who cut themselves etc
2) That LOSER mentality deepens & teen girl starts getting involved with LOSER BOYS school drop outs, guys who get multiple girls pregnant etc
3) She ends up being pregnant herself & a ""babymama"" so teach your kid how to AVOID LOSERS now. Losers need to sit on a therapists couch & not hang around your home
Honestly, although I feel sorry for this girl, I don't understand why you would push or encourage your daughter to continue the friendship. You'd be amazed (I teach middle school and while cutting and eating disorders aren't "the norm" they have become unfortunately a lot more prevalent) by how many times one girl in a group of friends starts a behavior, and then the other girls see how much attention she gets for the behavior, and we often see copycat behavior from whichever girls in the group are troubled or don't have a very solid foundation at home. So that sort of behavior CAN to some extent be contagious.
Plus, there's the factor that friendships change a lot at this age. The same kids you had a ton in common with in 5th grade may be into completely different things by 8th. I would encourage your daughter to get involved in groups at school--sports, music, art, drama... wherever her interests lie. Socializing with a larger group of people with similar interests will help your daughter to develop a larger group of friends and may help cushion some of the blow when one friendship or another naturally fades.
To reiterate, I'm not suggesting you forbid your daughter from seeing this girl if they both want to be friends. But from your description, the other girl is telling your daughter she doesn't want to hang out anyway. So I see no point or benefit from forcing it.
and I don't want to ignore the situation if this friend is thinking about suicide. I am leaning towards just talking to the school counselor right now. I am wondering if anyone has any other thoughts.
If I were in your shoes, I would definitely talk to the school counselor. The have the resources and context to evaluate the situation better than you do. I would skip talking to the parents, especially given that there is drama associated with the family.
It sounds like the parents know all about it - they've gotten her therapy and medication, so obviously she's getting treatment. Also, from your original posting, it seems you became aware of this months ago. Now this girl is rejecting your daughter, and NOW you're thinking you need to speak with her parents about the girl's problems?
Be happy that this girl has moved on. All the better for your daughter - this girl is troubled, and her parents already know it. Help your daughter to find new friends through shared interests. Encourage her to join clubs and activities, some NOT at the middle school, to find some new friends. Spend time with her doing mom/daughter stuff. And tell her to hang in there - it gets easier, socially, in high school for the kids who are not popular. They often can find their niche, socially, through shared interests in high school.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Just assure your daughter that the smart way is the right way. I used to tell my daughter to try to be a good friend and to feel sorry for these wayward girls, but not to get too involved with them.
so teach your kid how to AVOID LOSERS now. Losers need to sit on a therapists couch & not hang around your home
